Venting The only place I can go where I don't feel like a charity case

[Saturn_]

Does anyone else feel this way? The media and most regular people like to make a big stink about this forum's existence, but I just appreciate it's the one place where I can... actually be on a similar playing field to other people and actually have a social outlet that values my presence. I appreciate an environment where I'm not written off for "trauma dumping," "violating boundaries," "oversharing," any pseudo-lefty therapy-speaky buzzword of that nature. There's also no arbitrary and meaningless drama over things that don't matter (I'd argue that the only instances of "drama" on here are completely justified and make sense,) no ragebait. I scroll and feel sad that people are suffering, but I don't get so angry I'm frothing at the mouth, or so anxious my chest hurts.

Most normal people give me the cold shoulder, act very uptight around my presence, and act like they're above being in close proximity with me or making regular, human conversation with me. If you feel so uncomfortable around me, if my existence is really so middling and so offputting to you, if you really don't have the energy to even stand me, then aren't I doing you a favor by instead talking to likeminded people? People who value my presence, are willing to understand what I've been through and offer genuine support -- not out of pity or an ego to save, but out of an honest desire to help? We only love people with mental illnesses when they're gone. And I don't want anyone to commit suicide. If you're reading this, I hope things improve for you and life gets better. But I'm so tired of people acting surprised when their loved ones kill themselves after such coldness from the rest of the human race. It pisses me off how so few people understand this.

 

[SummerSolesLongLost]

This place is a godsend to be sure.

 

[Red.one]

I'm really glad ss exist. Ok, there can be more "problematic" topics. But people who think like that most likely have no idea how we feel. When I was a teenager and making my first suicide attempt, most of my "how to kill myself" knowlage came from my doctor - the same 'doctor' shiet his pants after my "most serious" attempt. Just try to find good people here. You have your right to make your own decisions, but you have just the same right to look for support. I just hope you'll try your best to get better.

 

[Namelesa]

I understand that this place feel like the only place we belong. I feel like bad traits I have such as being an emotional burden and my helplessness aren't see as much of a negative here and what I say is more valued here. I like that my want to die is more respected here as ultimately I think thats whats best for me no matter what.

 

[Saturn_]

I understand that this place feel like the only place we belong. I feel like bad traits I have such as being an emotional burden and my helplessness aren't see as much of a negative here and what I say is more valued here. I like that my want to die is more respected here as ultimately I think thats whats best for me no matter what.

I don't have much to say to this but I just wanted to say I like the OMORI profile pic!

 

[Pluto]

 

[genie]

I feel you. I'm fed up with the meaningless platitudes you get on other support sites "it will get better" or "you have so much to live for". Generic statements that don't help at all. I feel this site is honest and may actually prevent people CTB more often than it is given credit for due to people saying how they truly feel.

 

[Saturn_]

I feel you. I'm fed up with the meaningless platitudes you get on other support sites "it will get better" or "you have so much to live for". Generic statements that don't help at all. I feel this site is honest and may actually prevent people CTB more often than it is given credit for due to people saying how they truly feel.

It's not even those cliches that I feel mad at. I'm just exhausted with people who seemingly care so much about mental health issues and then treat mentally ill people horribly because their illness is too much of a minor inconvenience. I know tons of self-professed "nice, understanding, validating" folks who have spat me out through a straw and treated me like I was nothing. But I do agree with your last point. I honestly hate seeing people on here resort to taking their lives, and I want to help people prevent doing that to the best of my ability. I want to deal with the "minor inconveniences" that other people may bring me through their struggles. I want to take on the "burden." I want them to "bother" me if it means they are alive. It's just a part of being human. I hate how social media cultural osmosis has pushed this narrative that we "don't owe anyone anything." I would argue that this attitude is worsening the mental health crisis. The fact of the matter is that our consequences have actions and we should always strive to be compassionate and understanding of others, even when it doesn't offer us instant gratification.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

It's not even those cliches that I feel mad at. I'm just exhausted with people who seemingly care so much about mental health issues and then treat mentally ill people horribly because their illness is too much of a minor inconvenience. I know tons of self-professed "nice, understanding, validating" folks who have spat me out through a straw and treated me like I was nothing. But I do agree with your last point. I honestly hate seeing people on here resort to taking their lives, and I want to help people prevent doing that to the best of my ability. I want to deal with the "minor inconveniences" that other people may bring me through their struggles. I want to take on the "burden." I want them to "bother" me if it means they are alive. It's just a part of being human. I hate how social media cultural osmosis has pushed this narrative that we "don't owe anyone anything." I would argue that this attitude is worsening the mental health crisis. The fact of the matter is that our consequences have actions and we should always strive to be compassionate and understanding of others, even when it doesn't offer us instant gratification.

Everyone is much more aware of mental health issues these days vs the past and knows some bs therapy-speak terms, but when you combine that with society becoming more anti-social ("don't owe anyone anything") over the last fifteen years, it feels like not much has improved.

 

[HilbertLingling]

i really like what you have pointed out in eloquence in this topic. i cannot love humanity (the common people to be exact) when they constantly uphold minor evil deeds including the disingenuous virtue signalling you had highlighted and pat themselves in the back call themselves a good guy because they do not belong in the outlying demographic that commits atrocities. people are born evil in my book, kindness is almost an abnormality by which makes it noble. but it is probably ivory tower and holy than thou speak however, i realize i might be as bad as them in ways of committing small evil on the regular, and have no drive to pursue greater morality as long as im happy.
although im better than demographic in question when it comes to the fact im not a fake ass snake, i dont fw backstabbing. youd know if i dont like you. that and i dont pretty up my image with fake claims.

so continuing in that 'you might not be as good as you thought you are' angle, i would want to question if you can truly follow through with what you proclaimed about wanting to support people in spirit. while its heartwarming to read what you have to say, i cant help but feel that you would break if you ever meet a high maintenance 'victim'. would you still hold out your hand when the person is sapping away great levels of your energy by never being satisfied with your help? even if you do, theres no fault or shame in that, you actually helped out. i guess when im going with this is that i want you to have an accurate assessment of your own character. i apologize to dampen the offense i put out.

moving on, i want to caution you about helping those who dont deserve it. this is coming from me that ruined friendships treating the other party as my endless supply of emotional sponge. telling people my issues never helped but i just kept going at it hoping one day it would. and in some cases, doing so backfired as i was exposing my weakness to enemies in disguise to exploit. in the end, i kinda deserve being abandoned by people. this is one of the rare sentiments i was on board with the common people. nobody owes anyone anything lest they get taken advantage of. its self preservation at the cost of magnanimity. maybe its because resource of any form is not endless. you cant afford to endlessly give away anything.

bringing the topic of resources and me together, when i can be of no use or bring harm to the systems of this world while continuing consuming resources, i promptly get discarded. faced with that and knowing i could never do better, killing of self becomes appealing. its just escaping a known ephemeral hell to find out if ill land in an unconfirmed eternal one.

 

[Saturn_]

so continuing in that 'you might not be as good as you thought you are' angle, i would want to question if you can truly follow through with what you proclaimed about wanting to support people in spirit. while its heartwarming to read what you have to say, i cant help but feel that you would break if you ever meet a high maintenance 'victim'. would you still hold out your hand when the person is sapping away great levels of your energy by never being satisfied with your help? even if you do, theres no fault or shame in that, you actually helped out. i guess when im going with this is that i want you to have an accurate assessment of your own character. i apologize to dampen the offense i put out.

There's none taken, it's a reasonable question to have. The way I see it, I've always been that high maintenance victim. I've been the problem child that everyone pushes away, and this idea is what has led to many sleepless and suicidal nights. In fact, I'd go far as to say that it's constantly distressing and wears away at me every day, a "core fear" in other words, maybe? I also struggle with the idea that I deserve to be left behind like you mentioned, that I only take from others. I wouldn't wish the pain of being that one guy no one wants to deal with on anyone else. This isn't something I highlighted to upholster my own self image, but it's a strong belief I hold through personal experience. If anything, I'm glad you would challenge my worldview and question such an idealistic statement. I've been in situations like this and the worst that happens is that I'm at a loss for what I could say, I'm not the best with words at times. But I always want to at least try and help. I've had "bad blood" with others in the past, but a lot of it has felt superficial, like I can't truly stay mad at the other person. Deep down, I always just feel a desire to help and get along. Most of the pain I feel is derived from my own actions and mistakes rather than what others have done to me. I hope that makes sense.