The only hope is other people, yet other people is what led to me being like this

[joshe]

I have tried fully isolating, spending time reading books and such, yet one can never really fully isolate, still need to go to the shops, handle bills etc

Me being adverse to human contact is what makes me want to ctb, so I want have to worry about all of this anymore, yet when I try to be by myself, nothing matters and there is no stimulation.

Either I have to be able to live with myself in a low stimulating environment, or I have to deal with people and risk having another breakdown.

What i mean is, socialising is key to getting me out of my head, but I cannot get along with people and constantly feel like an outsider, which furthers my wish to ctb. Yes I have tried many different hobbies, communities, jobs etc.. Yes maybe it's me that's the problem.

 

[oopswronglife]

A day where I cannot escape Sartre...well it's another day.

 

[HGL91]

I have tried fully isolating, spending time reading books and such, yet one can never really fully isolate, still need to go to the shops, handle bills etc

Me being adverse to human contact is what makes me want to ctb, so I want have to worry about all of this anymore, yet when I try to be by myself, nothing matters and there is no stimulation.

Either I have to be able to live with myself in a low stimulating environment, or I have to deal with people and risk having another breakdown.

What i mean is, socialising is key to getting me out of my head, but I cannot get along with people and constantly feel like an outsider, which furthers my wish to ctb. Yes I have tried many different hobbies, communities, jobs etc.. Yes maybe it's me that's the problem.

I have this same problem.

 

[mentionized1]

I have tried fully isolating, spending time reading books and such, yet one can never really fully isolate, still need to go to the shops, handle bills etc

Me being adverse to human contact is what makes me want to ctb, so I want have to worry about all of this anymore, yet when I try to be by myself, nothing matters and there is no stimulation.

Either I have to be able to live with myself in a low stimulating environment, or I have to deal with people and risk having another breakdown.

What i mean is, socialising is key to getting me out of my head, but I cannot get along with people and constantly feel like an outsider, which furthers my wish to ctb. Yes I have tried many different hobbies, communities, jobs etc.. Yes maybe it's me that's the problem.

Same problem here

 

[andy69]

Either I have to be able to live with myself in a low stimulating environment, or I have to deal with people and risk having another breakdown.

What i mean is, socialising is key to getting me out of my head, but I cannot get along with people and constantly feel like an outsider, which furthers my wish to ctb. Yes I have tried many different hobbies, communities, jobs etc.. Yes maybe it's me that's the problem.
[/QUOTE]

That's a contradict that I feel as well. I try to socialize/ make friends with people, and I end up being betrayed, rejected, or made to feel like an outsider. When ever there is a problem, I am made out to be the bad guy. No matter what I say or what I do, it will never be good enough for people. I can't do anything right. I am so sick of it that I am thinking about ending in in a couple of days.

 

[StillWaiting]

I have same issue here.
Don't want to be alone with my own thoughts but no matter how I try to make friends or try to be in a group, i just can't fit in.

 

[joshe]

This feels like the cruelest position because you are torn in between two worlds.

At least the loners get to be content enough alone, or at least the lonely find enough motivation to eventually find some others. I just teeter on full paranoia starving myself in my room when I don't need to leave, surviving on a meager savings and meanwhile fighting memories and self talk spirals.