My SI is my worst enemy. I can't do it but what's in front of me is a hell I can't survive. My mom and dad are so worried about me and I get angry about them being worried because I want time alone to find a way to discontinue. I love them so much. They're right to be worried. My mind is worried all the time. I'm barely sleeping. There is so much going on. Talking about what's at the root of this scares me so much. This one thing has me. Someone took my future away.
SearchForPeace
Soo much agony. Little reward. Give me Peace.
- Apr 11, 2019
- 45
SI and Family is the reason I'm still here, though at this rate not for much longer. I'm sure your parents care for you very much. Talking about the root of this may be your answer forward. What's the worse that can happen about talking about it?
An ex convict staged an aggravated assault and says I threw a lamp at her, stole her phone and damaged her DVD player. We were staying in a program at a shelter. She always fucked with me because I have a processing delay and have horrible fear and anxiety. They believed her, sent me to a crisis home and I had to go back. When I was asked what happened my story came out horribly because I didn't know that she did what she did to stage it. It caught me off guard. The head of the program always hated me and knew I have mental health issues. I overheard them talking and her telling her what to do and say when she takes me to court. She said she would testify for her since I told her my side of the story that didn't sound believable. It's in MI. Now I'm in CA at my mom and dad's who want to help me get better but I have prison in front of me because of this evil woman. Attorneys have told me I don't have a case. I'm not a credible witness and I'll do time in prison. I'm mentally weak, I have health problems and I have a processing delay. I was bullied by everyone at the shelter for six months and wanted to kill myself everyday. In prison for years it will be hell and they don't even allow an inmate to die by not eating and drinking. I have this chance to get better with my parents who love me and it is taken away by this evil woman who has taken my life away. It will shatter my parents but I can't survive prison for something I didn't do. I have everything I need to hang but my SI won't let me. Going to from being depressed to being on will make her so happy. She would smile and talk about how she's sending me to prison right in front of me at the shelter. She went from being depressed to really happy and dressing nice all the time when she did this. I lay in bed all day fretting about it and making myself sick and my parents worry so much. She has taken my energy my life away.
For me, writing helps tremendously (when I am able to write). It helps me sort out whats troubling me, or at least get it out of my head where I can see it more objectively. Fundamentally the issue that plagues me is unsolvable so it can only help so much. How I'd love someone to talk with or just sit with me during this deep depression. But people seem so hell bent on 'fixing' or advising when I try to open up which is frustrating and further alienating.
I've survived many a hell I never thought I would or could. It led to deeper self love, more peace and the temporary diminishing of cbt urges...though they've always come back with a vengeance. So for me it's just a matter of when I will close up this shop. I've learned to enjoy hell or at least find something to enjoy while in hell which I think will help me in my future lives.
Sometimes other peoples posts serve as good writing prompts when I feel totally blocked to write any word.
SI and my cat are keeping me here, hopefully for not much longer.
I've survived many a hell I never thought I would or could. It led to deeper self love, more peace and the temporary diminishing of cbt urges...though they've always come back with a vengeance. So for me it's just a matter of when I will close up this shop. I've learned to enjoy hell or at least find something to enjoy while in hell which I think will help me in my future lives.
Sometimes other peoples posts serve as good writing prompts when I feel totally blocked to write any word.
SI and my cat are keeping me here, hopefully for not much longer.
CornerE
Needs a savior
- Mar 12, 2019
- 103
Life is the worst nightmare ever .
It's a prison , SI is the guard that keeps us from breaking out our living hell .
Some had beaten that evil pastard "SI" and we are to follow one day .
It's a prison , SI is the guard that keeps us from breaking out our living hell .
Some had beaten that evil pastard "SI" and we are to follow one day .
I am ___________
Hated, Unloved by the world and everything in it.
- Jan 3, 2019
- 134
You could always run away. It's clear that you didn't do it, so why must you be punished? Why should you allow them to do this to you. It's because of people like her that I have a strong distrust and hatred for people. Don't give them the chance to commit another horrible act to you. You don't deserve it, someday when this whole shit system turns to hell, she will get whats hers. You can tell your parents the truth, that you are being framed for something you didn't do. And the fact that the person accusing you is an ex convict, they shouldn't believe their words over yours. Your guaranteed to lose in court if you want to fight this, due to how corrupt it is. Your only option is leave the country while you still can, or end your own misery before they get a chance. I hate this world so much......
No. She has years to file charges. It happened a month and a half ago and she said she'll file when she's ready. She made proof and they will extradited me from CA to MI. I love every moment knowing my future is gone but just waiting for it to happen. It's the worst existence. I would be implementing things to get better with the help of my mom and dad but I lay in bed sick from the stress.
Sorry.. sometimes things might take a good turn, we can't say. I know it can't be of much help but I hope it'll turn out better.
Divine Trinity
Pugna Vigil
- Mar 20, 2019
- 310
You have the best case for ctb I've seen on here. Prison isn't a joke, a dice roll as far as "a fate worse than death" while there, with a marginal chance of recovering if/when you get out. Assuming you're not talking about some petty charges (ie minimal security for 13 months or something).
