Help The need for isolating yourself

[Lara Francis]

Sometimes my mind is so full of conflicting and scrambled thoughts its hard to focus on one thing at a time which would be the rational way to approach things.
I dont know wether its the acceptence of death or a total loss of my grip on reality,but i cannot see the level of cause for concern i seem to be seeing.

I do believe that i am high maintence for my friends and family atm and am beginning to feel a burden as i am worrying people. I know i shouldnt feel a burden as i am lucky to have people that care and in a way ,it makes it harder.
I feel my current state of mind is too much and unfair on others but i cant help it..People are perhaps going out of their way to help but i dont want it as i know that i really am now beyond help wether professional or otherwise.
If i was to be put in hospital,i would refuse meds ,food and water.
I have a support group that was set up to enable people to flag up concerns with one other,and if majorly concerned there are to call the social worker or my mental health worker.so this has now happened.!
People tell me that i should go out and get involved and enjoy things for me but i feel this is impossible as i cant be bothered and am not interested.
Its catch 22 - if i tell people that i am ok,they often dont believe me or if i do say that i am not so great it starts a snowball of visits, checkups and stupid safety plans.I can see why people isolate themselves prior to death as there would be less chance of interference when u make your exit.I do believe that no matter how desperate we want to ctb,a good level of planning and secretcy is required.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I do believe that i am high maintence for my friends and family atm and am beginning to feel a burden as i am worrying people.

I will never, ever again believe anyone who says, "You're not a burden. Please reach out when you need to" or anything similar. My best friend of 15 years stopped returning my emails, texts... He stopped being "bothered" with me because I am a burden. Many (most?) of us who think we're burdens have a fairly good sense how others feel about us. If only I hadn't wasted years listening to therapists, I could have skipped all the crap and comfortably settled into where I am today.

Hope you find a way to feel at peace with your situation.

 

[Kyrok]

My best friend burned out on my depression in 2017. I gave him 2yrs space, just normal chitchat, no expressing misery. He's now again a good ear. They get burned out.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

My best friend burned out on my depression in 2017. I gave him 2yrs space, just normal chitchat, no expressing misery. He's now again a good ear. They get burned out.

I don't mind that they get burned out. In fact, this is why I don't talk to anyone IRL about my feelings. What I do mind is either being hounded to open up only to be dumped once, after years of hounding, I do, OR others telling me how to feel and behave when they don't even want to be involved in my life.