I completely agree. Unfortunately, I've felt like that most of my life. It's almost a cruel torture, knowing and craving peace, to know that suicide is my way there and to be anchored here by SI, by loves ones who would be devestated. I also feel like it's when, not if, and that it's inevitable and yet I feel like I'm never going to get there, I hope I'm wrong. I hope for peace, for me, for you, for all of us.