Help The moment in my life that should have been the happiest meant nothing to me

[Someday_Somehow32]

He's my favorite singer, I was happy for almost a year counting down the day of the concert. I daydreamed how it would go and kept telling myself how fun it would be. Then it came and I was anxious and unhappy. I sat in my seat watching this guy that I was putting all my faith in and I just felt nothing... the entire time nothing felt real. That I would wake up and not be here. I kept pinching my skin with some thought that it woudl wake me up.
It's almost like my depression just overtook me, I couldn't get my stupid mind out of space. I couldn't feel my joy. This concert was the one thing keeping me from killing myself for a whole year and it did nothing.
Even the day after I just couldn't feel the joy I should have, I could hardly even remember the concert.

This was suppose to be the happiest moment of my life, I fucking hate myself for not being happy.

 

[nootthenoot]

I know you probably heard this a trillion times, but it isn't your fault. I've reached that point too actually, where I can't properly feel happiness when I should. In fact, it's almost like I wrote what you did. That's how familiar it is to me. It's just another ugly part of depression that we just gotta push through however we can.

 

[Someday_Somehow32]

I know you probably heard this a trillion times, but it isn't your fault. I've reached that point too actually, where I can't properly feel happiness when I should. In fact, it's almost like I wrote what you did. That's how familiar it is to me. It's just another ugly part of depression that we just gotta push through however we can.

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this

 

[FuneralCry]

Life can be very disappointing and unsatisfying after all. If someone has high expectations for something then they will likely just be let down, causing them to suffer more. It's just the way that life is.

 

[patanjali]

I've had many similar moments. The higher my expectations, more often than not the bigger the disappointment

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Deep depression often causes apathy and an inability to enjoy things that you normally would (Anhedonia). It's not your fault, and believe me, you definitely aren't alone in this, I'm right there with you for one.

I don't know what the solution is, but if I ever figure one out, I'll be certain to report it here.

 

[tilly17]

Same here. Christmas has always been my favorite time of year and this year I get no joy in anything. I love children to pieces and can't have my own, so my sisters miracle twins have been my world. They are almost 5 and when I couldn't even find joy in watching them open their gifts I worked so hard to get them everything they wanted, it just broke me down even more to not be able to feel what I know I should be feeling. I can't imagine not being here to watch them grow up and take them to Disneyland for their 5th birthday, but I'm too sick to even do anything with them. If I wasn't sick without the chance of getting better I'd fight like hell to get through this depression but my brain is so bad I can only get 2-3 hrs of sleep on a good night and that's taking the strongest rx sleeping pills. So I can relate to holding out for something that should mean the world and you feel numb is the best way I can be it. I'm so sorry so many people suffer depression. I can't imagine my poor great grandma ended up having shock therapy for her depression which I can't even begin to imagine. So wish that there was more help and understanding for those who suffer like this. No one can truly understand how difficult it is to feel like this… and all the time! Id bet the majority of people on here feel exactly like this. So sorry you have to endure this too. Sending hugs and support. Trying to get the courage to ctb Sunday….