I-can-only-imagine
Student
- Apr 26, 2021
- 135
I am sorry I just need to rant and vent.
as some of you will be aware, my father is now with me from the UK after my near successful attempt to CTB a couple of months back. After that I spent 5 out of 6 weeks in ICU and two psych hospitals.
I was referred on discharge back to the fucking useless team who didn't listen in the first place and who ignored all my screams for help.
since then I have honestly been trying. But have been bottling everything up. Now it's all about to go bang. In that time I have had to deal with moving shit and having not found a place to live, fighting for what I need, being told i need DBT therapy but I can't have it until I move etc.
My final request before I leave was for 5 more lorazepam tablets as i am about to go stay with family and away from all my medical team and a couple of hours away from my new team. And I am told no, that I need talk therapy as it's too addictive etc. 10 tablets have lasted me 6 fucking weeks - don't feel that is me being fucking addicted. And I can't do my talk therapy BECAUSE I DONT HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE IN MY PERMANENT LOCATION YET! So once again I've been left to fight by myself and hitting brick walls at every fucking turn. If I hadn't packed my SN which is now with the removalists, I would have used it. STUPID STUPID STUPID! If I was staying here much longer I could see me being readmitted. But I can't even reach out for that help because I leave tomorrow.
anxiety and agitation through the roof. Also have to go for dinner with my colleagues to say goodbye tonight and have to try not to tell them to fuck themselves for washing their hands of me once dad arrived and isolating me even further.
I feel like my head is going to explode and just want to curl up and give in. What's the fucking point anymore?! The little hope I had for a fresh start has now gone.
I just can't. And yet I have to keep going as am literally unable to do ANYTHING at the moment.
as some of you will be aware, my father is now with me from the UK after my near successful attempt to CTB a couple of months back. After that I spent 5 out of 6 weeks in ICU and two psych hospitals.
I was referred on discharge back to the fucking useless team who didn't listen in the first place and who ignored all my screams for help.
since then I have honestly been trying. But have been bottling everything up. Now it's all about to go bang. In that time I have had to deal with moving shit and having not found a place to live, fighting for what I need, being told i need DBT therapy but I can't have it until I move etc.
My final request before I leave was for 5 more lorazepam tablets as i am about to go stay with family and away from all my medical team and a couple of hours away from my new team. And I am told no, that I need talk therapy as it's too addictive etc. 10 tablets have lasted me 6 fucking weeks - don't feel that is me being fucking addicted. And I can't do my talk therapy BECAUSE I DONT HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE IN MY PERMANENT LOCATION YET! So once again I've been left to fight by myself and hitting brick walls at every fucking turn. If I hadn't packed my SN which is now with the removalists, I would have used it. STUPID STUPID STUPID! If I was staying here much longer I could see me being readmitted. But I can't even reach out for that help because I leave tomorrow.
anxiety and agitation through the roof. Also have to go for dinner with my colleagues to say goodbye tonight and have to try not to tell them to fuck themselves for washing their hands of me once dad arrived and isolating me even further.
I feel like my head is going to explode and just want to curl up and give in. What's the fucking point anymore?! The little hope I had for a fresh start has now gone.
I just can't. And yet I have to keep going as am literally unable to do ANYTHING at the moment.
