Venting The Isolation is getting to me

[Haku]

I have been Isolated for a bit over a year now, and it has not really bothered me, until now. After becoming a member of the forum, I have met so many people, and became friends with a few. After friendships were established, I grew fond of these friends, and that's when the Isolation started to feel like torture for me. Apart of me really wants a ctb partner now, and I didnt really care much about that until I became a member. But, there is also apart of me who wants more, still wanting to ctb, not changing my mind, but I want someone more than a partner, to enjoy what little time I have left with, and then we both ctb together, but I know that's probably not going to happen, and is something that I didnt really care about until just recently. I just wish this feeling never showed up and that it goes away. I had planned to ctb alone, and in no way have a romance before my ctb, but now this feeling is running wild at my core, and I hate it. I just want to bash my head into a wall over and over again, until this feeling goes away. The rejection is making it worse. Fucking hell, I just want my SN and meds to arrive soon, so I can get this fucking thing over it.

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

Sucks how we are programmed to crave love to the point of being irrational sometimes. Stupid survival of the species and all that crap.

 

[Haku]

Sucks how we are programmed to crave love to the point of being irrational sometimes. Stupid survival of the species and all that crap.

Indeed

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Sucks how we are programmed to crave love to the point of being irrational sometimes. Stupid survival of the species and all that crap.

yup

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

I fell into a relationship that is fantastic, but holding me back. I tried to CTB 3 weeks after meeting him (He doesnt know) and now its been 6 months and im head over heels but still want to die....

Honestly, being in a relationship almost makes it worse. now there is somebody close to me i have to hide things from and that makes it harder.

 

[Haku]

Trust me, I wish I wasnt feeling this way, I didnt think it was even possible anymore for me, but the Universe likes to fuck with me, and somehow, it hit me again, I want to get my ctb over with so I dont have to feel this way, it's bad enough that this feeling came back after so many years, but it's worse when its rejected, so I need to ctb as soon as I get my fucking SN, so I dont have to feel this way anymore, and no, this is not the reason I am going to ctb, this is only 2 percent of my shit list.

 

[Jean4]

Trust me, I wish I wasnt feeling this way, I didnt think it was even possible anymore for me, but the Universe likes to fuck with me, and somehow, it hit me again, I want to get my ctb over with so I dont have to feel this way, it's bad enough that this feeling came back after so many years, but it's worse when its rejected, so I need to ctb as soon as I get my fucking SN, so I dont have to feel this way anymore, and no, this is not the reason I am going to ctb, this is only 2 percent of my shit list.

What else is wrong?

 

[Haku]

What else is wrong?

Just alot of stuff, stuff I hope I wont have to deal with for much longer

 

[Jean4]

Just alot of stuff, stuff I hope I wont have to deal with for much longer

Lots of love. We are here if you want to vent or talk. Sometimes getting it out helps you feel better for a few seconds :)

 

[Haku]

Lots of love. We are here if you want to vent or talk. Sometimes getting it out helps you feel better for a few seconds :)

Thank you Jean4, I really appreciate you being here for me, and everyone as well.

 

[Jean4]

Thank you Jean4, I really appreciate you being here for me, and everyone as well.

You are a good friend to all of us. Some thing I never had :)

 

[Haku]

You are a good friend to all of us. Some thing I never had :)

I remember you telling me once that you wish you had met me sooner, that if you did, you might not wanted to have ctb, I feel the same. Even though I do not regret meeting you whatsoever, unfortunately I do regret meeting you under these not so great circumstances, many others as well, I feel like if we all met in a better time of our lives, we might have kept on going and possibly become best friends. I keep telling myself, life would probably be a bit more bearable if all of us on SS created a village and lived together, and just escape normal society that has been very toxic to most of us all our lives.

 

[Jean4]

I remember you telling me once that you wish you had met me sooner, that if you did, you might not wanted to have ctb, I feel the same. Even though I do not regret meeting you whatsoever, unfortunately I do regret meeting you under these not so great circumstances, many others as well, I feel like if we all met in a better time of our lives, we might have kept on going and possibly become best friends. I keep telling myself, life would probably be a bit more bearable if all of us on SS created a village and lived together, and just escape normal society that has been very toxic to most of us all our lives.

Know that I will be here for you and you aren't alone. Take one day at a time. One second at a time if need be.

 

[NordNihilist]

I have been Isolated for a bit over a year now, and it has not really bothered me, until now. After becoming a member of the forum, I have met so many people, and became friends with a few. After friendships were established, I grew fond of these friends, and that's when the Isolation started to feel like torture for me. Apart of me really wants a ctb partner now, and I didnt really care much about that until I became a member. But, there is also apart of me who wants more, still wanting to ctb, not changing my mind, but I want someone more than a partner, to enjoy what little time I have left with, and then we both ctb together, but I know that's probably not going to happen, and is something that I didnt really care about until just recently. I just wish this feeling never showed up and that it goes away. I had planned to ctb alone, and in no way have a romance before my ctb, but now this feeling is running wild at my core, and I hate it. I just want to bash my head into a wall over and over again, until this feeling goes away. The rejection is making it worse. Fucking hell, I just want my SN and meds to arrive soon, so I can get this fucking thing over it.

I know that feel. You can be isolated, alone, live in solitude for years on end, always feeling alienated from your surroundings. You become acquainted with the solitude. It becomes hard to imagine that life could be anything else. And then suddenly - BOOM - a person or several persons arrive on the scene out of nothing and starts beaming authentic and genuine human contact back at you. The rigid mind that you have build up over years snaps.
Like you were a satellite in dark space sending out frequencies but there is nothing, no one receives it and you receive nothing. You are just floating through the emptiness. And then suddenly there is contact when you least expected it and your system is overloaded and fried.