Venting The irony of expressing love to someone when they are dead as opposed to when they were living, makes me laugh!

[Everybody_yells]

You know how they say, when someone commits suicide and they are like, "We never thought he was going through so much, if only he told us and we wouldn't have let this happen". People don't do shite when they have a chance to, while the person is alive, and the burst of emotion when that person decides to end things, it is strangely funny !

To relate to my case, my parents have the faintest idea how much they have ruined my life through their narcissistic behaviour and yet they think my depression is causal effect because of other factors like current unemployment predicament. And still, the strange part is that if I die tomorrow? They are going to be heart broken. Nothing gives me a reason to stay alive a day longer in this world and yet due to the limitations in the availability of the resources and a full proof time for any available (Hanging in this case) is making me stall my attempt. But amongst them, there is also the disgrace I bring upon my family. They never were proud of their kid, and I wouldn't want to double that up with my own doing.

Ah..! Just the vent.

 

[LittleJem]

One of my old 'friends' said to me that she would come and sit with me if I was feeling suicidal and I didn't need to be alone (I hadn't asked her for this, she offered it). But then she has not replied to my FB messages since and I have not heard from her again :)

I don't know whether or not she will care when I die. Probably she will ;)

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Sorry about that, I have a suspicion that being left in kindergarten at age 1 what was fucked me up. At least that in combination with some high neuroticism and a touch of autism. I'm also not happy with my current method of hanging, living in an anti-choice society sure sucks. Maybe you can try talking to them again, idk.

 

[LittleJem]

Me too - I think a touch of autism. Makes everything difficult.

I'm happy with my method, just don't know if I can set it up properly and when to do it as I have admin to do before I die - unless I just say f**k the admin and leave a mess!

 

[loopylou]

Think it's otherwise known as ' guilt'

 

[Everybody_yells]

Sorry about that, I have a suspicion that being left in kindergarten at age 1 what was fucked me up. At least that in combination with some high neuroticism and a touch of autism. I'm also not happy with my current method of hanging, living in an anti-choice society sure sucks. Maybe you can try talking to them again, idk.

I wish. But nothing has been the same, I don't have too much hope in that.


Somehow things make me feel as if its not worth putting more effort into try and living anymore.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I can completely relate. For me it's my father, and I'll just refer to him as nDad here. NDad is the textbook example of a narcissist, who manipulates you with little regard to the consequences. Lying, exaggerating and distorting facts to get what he wants, and using emotional blackmail to keep you hostage. To him you're no more than a bragging right. When things go wrong, he is quick to put the blame on others—never any soul-searching. I lived in constant fear of his passive-aggressive tantrums. He is impossible to please, and I blame him for my low self-worth and pessimistic outlook.

I dread having to be nDad's aregiver in the future, and part of me wants to put him in a nursing home. Problem is, I don't want gossip behind my back, that I'm an unfillial and ungrateful brat—a dog that bites the hand that feeds it. To hell with Chinese cultural values. The pandemic has stretched our already strained relationship to its breaking point, and I'm starting to get homicidal fantasies. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him for all that he's done, and I'm just waiting for an opportunity to cut off all contact. Going no-contact is the only way to preserve my sanity, and I hope you'll do whatever it takes to preserve yours, OP.

Everybody_yells said:
"We never thought he was going through so much, if only he told us and we wouldn't have let this happen"

In my native language we have a description for such belated efforts, "马后炮". At the end of the day, it's easier to play Monday morning quarterback.

 

[WornOutLife]

Most people seem to cry and talk wonderfully about the dead but not about the living beings.

"He was such a nice guy" "She was the greatest girl I've ever met and sooo young!" "I didn't know he/she was going through so much...I would've helped him/her for sure"

They say things like that and the only help they would probably provide is send us to a psych ward. I was about to go there. I was lucky I guess but being a prisoner in my parents' house was no fairy tale.

 

[Nexus]

I think it's pretty to human to appreciate and recognize the value of something only after it's gone. They're bored with your presence, yet miss you in your absence.

 

[TooConscious]

I think it's pretty to human to appreciate and recognize the value of something only after it's gone. They're bored with your presence, yet miss you in your absence.

And that's the sad thing is it is human nature you're probably right.
The hypocrisy of that nature though coinciding with a brain should make them take at least half of the accountability. But they don't.
Only in the way as individuals we will take accountability for all our wrongs and even situations where we haven't done anything wrong but made to believe we have. Humans are sadistic hypocrites fuck them all to hell, plow them deep in and leave them alone there with the devil just as they wanted.