Venting The irony in this existence

[alstroemeria55]

Anybody else tortured by the complete irony of their depression, trauma, and dwindling will to live?

I can't even think of where to begin the list. I'm lonely, but incapable of connection. Whether it is because I am afraid of opening up, or because everyone else seems so ignorant, I think I should deserve better but at the same time I only see evidence pointing to the notion that I'm entirely worthless and a burden to this world, all the while hating the world I see around me and wishing I didn't have to live in it. If depression is incurable and only "gets better" how am I supposed to feel truly happy or fulfilled in anything? How do I look for meaning in existence while laughing at the futility of surviving every day in this ridiculous world where everything only seems to get worse and I only get betrayed and stabbed where it hurts most? If I need to chemically alter my brain in order to feel fine am I ever really going to feel like "myself"? What if being "myself" is just a curse, the universe spitting in my face and shattering me further?

I don't get why I exist when I so badly don't want to, and when I can't even feel like I exist, or enjoy the fact that I'm existing in one way or another.

 

[nuggetfinder]

I feel like alot of people here are tortured by a similar mindset. It's hard to function in a world that's actively aiding to your mental decay. It sucks when I see people pass who weren't ready to, like why couldn't that be me hello??? However I don't think you're worthless though, I think that's the depression talking.