Venting The idea of finding success is driving me crazy

[Judah]

I have recently become a hikikomori again, society really terrifies me and I am unable to live in it.

I'm going to go back a bit, my autism gave me a bit more intelligence than the average of my peers when I was a child, this made many people interested in me at that age, they often told me that my mission in this life was to be a successful person and start a company and grew up with those ideas, but unfortunately I do not have important elements such as charisma or the sense of entrepreneurship that makes a person sell an idea quickly, even so the people around me believe that I will be at the economic peak at some point but at the same time they are unable to trust me with important things because I am mentally unstable, the worst of all is that I cannot give up this goal because I am not able to admit my failure.

I have made attempts to meet my goal, but there are simply many factors like the environment or the current economy that caused me to fall, damn, my uncle managed to start a small photography company in just one year, in the early 2000s, and the Wait for me to do the same, damn it! What nobody says is that my uncle created that company thanks to the thousands of dollars subsidized by the government of Hugo Chavez.

So I wonder if I'm doomed to break down every time I try to achieve my goal, I just can't come up with good ideas. Today a guy comes and sells a simple pixel of a photograph for millions of dollars, or this is driving me crazy, and more and more it makes me want to leave this world

 

[niki wonoto]

Life is full of tragedy & irony

Btw, I can relate a lot with your post.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

I used to feel bad that I couldn't "make something of myself", but then I realized that it's all a waste of time.

 

[BetweenRadioStations]

I totally relate. I felt I had to be successful and people said I would be and it never happened and I don't know if it will happen and that's hard to admit. When I was in high school I told myself, without defining the term, that if I wasn't successful by the time I was 30 I'd kill myself. I thought it would be good motivation but that didn't help much. I don't have that plan now but still.

Anyway I relate to some degree and just a month or so ago I was diagnosed with moderate Autism.

Thanks for your post!
If you ever want to vent or bounce some ideas off someone I'm happy to listen.

 

[fruit-loops]

I share your feelings. I also feel the failure of being in a time where "everything is possible" for everyone but not for you.

I also grew up in a time where the government was helping people, subsiding everything, making debts that future generations (us!) will pay.. I feel that I should be able to be "more successful", and I worked hard, sacrificed a lot of my life for it, moved to a foreign country, spent most of my time working, invested my saves trying to get some alternative, sacrificed relationships and pleasures, etc. I didn't reach that "success" and now I have nothing more than a "job" that I don't like and make me every day more antisocial, but that allow me to "survive" in this sort of alienation.. That cant be defined as a life, it's just surviving..

 

[Judah]

I share your feelings. I also feel the failure of being in a time where "everything is possible" for everyone but not for you.

I also grew up in a time where the government was helping people, subsiding everything, making debts that future generations (us!) will pay.. I feel that I should be able to be "more successful", and I worked hard, sacrificed a lot of my life for it, moved to a foreign country, spent most of my time working, invested my saves trying to get some alternative, sacrificed relationships and pleasures, etc. I didn't reach that "success" and now I have nothing more than a "job" that I don't like and make me every day more antisocial, but that allow me to "survive" in this sort of alienation.. That cant be defined as a life, it's just surviving..

And it is chilling the number of people out there who have a degree and knowledge but have no luck in finding a good job, or do not have enough resources to get started. It's just unfair

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

At some point we have to accept failure and start the damage control.

 

[Judah]

At some point we have to accept failure and start the damage control.

I wonder what you and @hotelbeneathground would think about a guy recently being able to sell a pixel of a photo for a million dollars

 

[nopointofliving]

I feel your pain. it's hard to try to fit in to the standards that aren't designed for people like us. I try to make progress in the next moments rather thinking of forever success. just try to do what makes the next moment better , this all what is it about. Hugs <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I am not meant for this society either and I am unable to live in it. This life really can be a constant struggle. I wish you well.