Story The hotlines suck but it can be worth trying

[android]

The hotlines suck in general. They do checklists and stuff. Often the person you speak to is negative or doesn't care. I have had a rough few days. Was going to jump before waiting for sn or n. Part of me still wants to live. I tried 5 times calling 988. I think the way it works is state dependent as each state has its own hotline and sometimes you get routed to tue national one. The national one is bad but my city one is good.

The woman I spoke to was so kind and gentle. She had the most caring voice and actually sat with my pain. She didn't push or ask questions. No checklists or pro life stuff. She really just sat with me in a moment of need. I really did not know this was even possible. I spoke to her for 2 hours and she didn't even check the time
She really listened to everything.

I tried calling 6 times though in the past 2 days. One was an older woman and one was a younger woman. The older woman was amazing too but the younger woman I spoke to actually helped me a lot. In more ways than she probably knows. I am still considering going today but my life has been changed in having someone who actually heard me for the first time and just talked with the same level of depth about pain and suffering.

So its worth trying. Maybe you will be lucky and land someone worth speaking too. Most are utter trash. I kind of want to gate keep this pwrson so I have a higher probability of being reconnected to her. But many in here are in more pain than me. Call multiple times if needed. Disconnect quickly if you reach someone that sounds "lethargic" iykwim.

 

[4colliez]

I'm glad you landed on someone who genuinely helped you. It's already a huge effort calling the hotline so it's so discouraging when you end up with someone who puts no effort. I've never had luck with them, maybe because I call in the middle of the night each time idk. I really just want to be heard :/
Whatever you end up deciding, I'm at least happy for you that you had that moment of connection where you felt like someone was truly listening to your voice <3

 

[badatparties]

kudos to those angels.

 

[android]

I just can't even believe today

It suddenly got better

Like something is trying to protect me

It took my own initiative I guess but a lot of things went right. Even after the call. I was going to go on a walk and my boss messaged me asking to talk. I said sure and stopped by my office and he was there in person. He gave me my project back (a bit stressful but yesterday he was pretty disappointed I hadn't delivered anything yet). I was in a fragile state but i did a really good job speaking. Then afterwards we went for a walk for 15 mins. All by chance.

So a lot of things went right and changed. Im struggling a bit to make sense of it all. These past 3 weeks ive just been thrashing around from one state to another. I hope it really stops now. I have to focus for the work project again so I need to temporarily disconnect from tbis slump at least

 

[vitbar]

I had a similar experience one time I phoned the samaritans. He spoke with me like a fellow. Couple of hours of talking through everything. He didn't even push back when I said people should be able to choose death. Went into the call freaking out and by the end I was much calmer. It's a shame they aren't always like this.

 

[android]

I had a similar experience one time I phoned the samaritans. He spoke with me like a fellow. Couple of hours of talking through everything. He didn't even push back when I said people should be able to choose death. Went into the call freaking out and by the end I was much calmer. It's a shame they aren't always like this.

Have you ever run into the same operator again? I really wish I could speak to someone like that. I didn't know people could be like that.

A part of me wonders whether this is what therapy is like? I have never tried it. I don't like the non-annonymous aspect of therapy and the fact that you get treated like sick cattle just because you are unable to function "happily" in the oppressive and tragic world that we live in. I haven't changed my thoughts about suicide but I will at least wait till I have a way to properly source N or SN. But honestly I wonder if jumping when impulsive is just a better and easier way to go. It seems really hard to find SN in the US now.