The gulf between who I am an who I could have been is almost unbearable.

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I'm smart, I'm good-looking, I had a lot of potential. I have a good work ethic, I can make people laugh. I'm not trying to be arrogant, but I feel these things are true.

That's why it's even more painful to live with this chronic illness, that I developed for no reason besides bad luck. I could have gotten married, had a family, been a good father. I could have had a good, fulfilling career. But instead I live in a black pit of depression and pain, with my intestines squirming like a snake stuck inside my body. Half the time I stand up after sitting, I almost black out. My hands and wrists have shooting nerve pain.

And I'm sentenced to live for decades longer, as the person I am and the person I could have been grow ever further apart. The hope I feel sometimes about recovery is just a cruel trick played by my animal nature, which wants to stay alive despite intolerable living circumstances.

All the anxiety and hopelessness I felt in the past, before my diagnosis, was justified. The worst possible thing I could have imagined came true.

I want it to be over, but I'm not nearly depressed enough to ever take the step toward suicide. God, please either heal my infirmities or make my situation exponentially worse so that I'm driven into the arms of death by the pain. Please don't let me wither and rot in this purgatory between life and death, where every day seems unbearable.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so painful being trapped in that situation, it really is so cruel and terrible how there's all this suffering. But anyway I wish you all the best.

 

[Rational man]

Have you been diagnosed with a specific disease may I ask?. My situ is similar but my disease developed after the c19 vax, I believe. Ive lost so much weight, my intestines feel like fire and my body is riddled with neuropathic pain. I used to be fit and healthy, And im still here after three Years!..Im afraid to say that life is chaotic and random good and bad things happen. Im only keeping sane by accepting that this is the card ive been given..Its awful but its is fact. Im really sorry that you suffer.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

Have you been diagnosed with a specific disease may I ask?. My situ is similar but my disease developed after the c19 vax, I believe. Ive lost so much weight, my intestines feel like fire and my body is riddled with neuropathic pain. I used to be fit and healthy, And im still here after three Years!..Im afraid to say that life is chaotic and random good and bad things happen. Im only keeping sane by accepting that this is the card ive been given..Its awful but its is fact. Im really sorry that you suffer.

Yes, irritable bowel syndrome. My condition developed after a trip to a developing country. I assumed it was some kind of parasite or infection, but they couldn't find anything in multiple tests, so they stuck an IBS diagnosis on me.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I'm smart, I'm good-looking, I had a lot of potential. I have a good work ethic, I can make people laugh. I'm not trying to be arrogant, but I feel these things are true.

That's why it's even more painful to live with this chronic illness, that I developed for no reason besides bad luck. I could have gotten married, had a family, been a good father. I could have had a good, fulfilling career. But instead I live in a black pit of depression and pain, with my intestines squirming like a snake stuck inside my body. Half the time I stand up after sitting, I almost black out. My hands and wrists have shooting nerve pain.

And I'm sentenced to live for decades longer, as the person I am and the person I could have been grow ever further apart. The hope I feel sometimes about recovery is just a cruel trick played by my animal nature, which wants to stay alive despite intolerable living circumstances.

All the anxiety and hopelessness I felt in the past, before my diagnosis, was justified. The worst possible thing I could have imagined came true.

I want it to be over, but I'm not nearly depressed enough to ever take the step toward suicide. God, please either heal my infirmities or make my situation exponentially worse so that I'm driven into the arms of death by the pain. Please don't let me wither and rot in this purgatory between life and death, where every day seems unbearable.

Not the same thing but I've posted before on here how I was in medical school. President of the oncology research group. Was the victim of crimes by the medical school... And now as a direct result I'm bordering on homeless. Living a super shitty life barely surviving. No family. IRL friends not really. No job opportunities. Just an absolute outcast of society. Someone no one cares about. So not the same thing but there's parallels.

 

[Gabbi_Station]

I'm smart, I'm good-looking, I had a lot of potential. I have a good work ethic, I can make people laugh. I'm not trying to be arrogant, but I feel these things are true.

That's why it's even more painful to live with this chronic illness, that I developed for no reason besides bad luck. I could have gotten married, had a family, been a good father. I could have had a good, fulfilling career. But instead I live in a black pit of depression and pain, with my intestines squirming like a snake stuck inside my body. Half the time I stand up after sitting, I almost black out. My hands and wrists have shooting nerve pain.

And I'm sentenced to live for decades longer, as the person I am and the person I could have been grow ever further apart. The hope I feel sometimes about recovery is just a cruel trick played by my animal nature, which wants to stay alive despite intolerable living circumstances.

All the anxiety and hopelessness I felt in the past, before my diagnosis, was justified. The worst possible thing I could have imagined came true.

I want it to be over, but I'm not nearly depressed enough to ever take the step toward suicide. God, please either heal my infirmities or make my situation exponentially worse so that I'm driven into the arms of death by the pain. Please don't let me wither and rot in this purgatory between life and death, where every day seems unbearable.

This is why I think people should just be allowed to legally kill themselves.

I am at an age where I am getting too old to have children, with no prospects or career in sight. I would be nothing but a burden on the system.

There was a time where I could have had "potential". I could have gotten "better" and had a great life- now I am too old for recovery. Life has pasted me by.

"I wasted time and now time doth waste me."

The anti-suicide messaging works great for people in their twenties, who can turn their lives around, but it's utterly pointless for people who are older and have little actually left. It just all feels like a joke

 

[Ashu]

Yes, irritable bowel syndrome. My condition developed after a trip to a developing country. I assumed it was some kind of parasite or infection, but they couldn't find anything in multiple tests, so they stuck an IBS diagnosis on me.

That's how I developed it, as a sustained psychosomatic mimicking of an original episode of real gastric illness. But mine is cyclic, and evidently much less severe than yours. I also got it while living in a developing country - see my profile.

"I wasted time and now time doth waste me."

Oh, this is one of my favorite quotes

 

[needthebus]

Yes, irritable bowel syndrome. My condition developed after a trip to a developing country. I assumed it was some kind of parasite or infection, but they couldn't find anything in multiple tests, so they stuck an IBS diagnosis on me.

have u tried ivermectin?

they make it in horse paste

but make sure to get it the correct way through a doctor who will likely not give it to u

 

[lizzywizzy09]

This is why I think people should just be allowed to legally kill themselves.

I am at an age where I am getting too old to have children, with no prospects or career in sight. I would be nothing but a burden on the system.

There was a time where I could have had "potential". I could have gotten "better" and had a great life- now I am too old for recovery. Life has pasted me by.

"I wasted time and now time doth waste me."

The anti-suicide messaging works great for people in their twenties, who can turn their lives around, but it's utterly pointless for people who are older and have little actually left. It just all feels like a joke

Are you me? I could've written this word for word. My dm's are always open if you want to chat.

 

[WearyWanderer]

I could have written most of the exact same sentiments of the first four paragraphs. Too uncannily relatable

Not sure if you're looking for suggestions or if they'll even work but have heard some topical creams can be helpful for nerve pains. Supposedly ALA, PEA and Benfotiamine as well though with the benfo you have to be extremely careful and follow Dr. Lonsdale and Elliot Overton's protocol titrating up low and slow first with water soluble then fat soluble thiamine. Can cause paradoxical side effects like shortness of breath anxiety and chest tightness though so maybe better to start with the other stuff.

Have you ever seen a naturopath or done a mail in test yourself to check for parasites? Generally traditional doctors don't catch them or do the sample correctly.

Never even wanted kids or a partner necessarily, just a few friends, a quiet life and peace. Not even receiving those bare minimums apparently. Just wanted to be able to have fucking hobbies. But nope. Was destined to rot away in a bed all day every day. Thanks Universe. How thoughtful.

 

[Trav1989]

I'm smart, I'm good-looking, I had a lot of potential. I have a good work ethic, I can make people laugh. I'm not trying to be arrogant, but I feel these things are true.

That's why it's even more painful to live with this chronic illness, that I developed for no reason besides bad luck. I could have gotten married, had a family, been a good father. I could have had a good, fulfilling career. But instead I live in a black pit of depression and pain, with my intestines squirming like a snake stuck inside my body. Half the time I stand up after sitting, I almost black out. My hands and wrists have shooting nerve pain.

And I'm sentenced to live for decades longer, as the person I am and the person I could have been grow ever further apart. The hope I feel sometimes about recovery is just a cruel trick played by my animal nature, which wants to stay alive despite intolerable living circumstances.

All the anxiety and hopelessness I felt in the past, before my diagnosis, was justified. The worst possible thing I could have imagined came true.

I want it to be over, but I'm not nearly depressed enough to ever take the step toward suicide. God, please either heal my infirmities or make my situation exponentially worse so that I'm driven into the arms of death by the pain. Please don't let me wither and rot in this purgatory between life and death, where every day seems unbearable.

Same here in a lot of ways, I'm rather intelligent, attractive, reliable, and have a good personality but what always brought me down was my lack of drive. I never have had any ambition whatsoever and didn't even want to be born in the first place. Basically every negative event in my life could have been prevented if I just put forth some more effort.

The problem is that even if I force myself to give my all to something, be it with family, a job, a serious relationship or anything else I eventually rest on my laurels and everything goes to hell.

I'm not even mad about this anymore and have come to accept it as a universal truth in regards to myself that cannot be remedied and I must live with and accept such.

Which is why I've resigned myself to just being alone and living in a small rental and just doing what I must do to keep things functioning at this basic level.

Already in the process of acquiring SN and have a good 10-15 days until it gets here but I'm not sure when I'm going to use it yet. I'm pretty much done with this existence but I guess I'm going to wait for one final push. I might put in a good amount of effort into trying a final time with love and if it works I'll always have SN on hand and if it fails I'll just have that much more reason to go through with it. I have no doubt I can muster up the willpower but I just want it to feel right, like I did my best and failed anyways.

I already know from experience that things will go awry because despite being a bit better at talking to others than most and handsome I tend to talk too much and sometimes I lack tact and misread emotions which leads to overstepping boundaries.

My father is the same way so I think I inherited this from him but he lucked out with my mother because they've been married for over 30 years and she puts up with his shortcomings and he does the same for her (as should be the case in a perfect world) but sadly, most people are extremely quick to throw everything away after a single argument or miscommunication these days due to people being accustomed to instant gratification and having shorter attention spans than ever, as well as dating sites being a thing.

You can always just move on to the next prospect so why bother if any red flags show themselves?

It's extremely rare to find a romantic partner who is willing to accept less than perfect, which is why most relationships fail so often. I've dated well over 20 women in my life and had serious relations with 3 of them, 2 of which lasted over 5 years each.

Those are remarkably low odds, and 75% of the issues leading to breakup were petty in hindsight.