Venting The guilt of leaving

[PatheticGirl43]

I've been depressed for over a decade, I have always known that I would ctb.

I used to purposely avoid making deep connections with people to hurt as little people as possible when my time came to ctb. I only have like two friends, and I never see them.

Almost 5 years ago I met someone, we started dating... Next thing you know, we're living together and have two cats.
I don't know what possessed me to think "starting a life" with someone was a good idea knowing that my time here is limited and that I might ctb at any moment, but here we are...

It used to just be my mom that I would feel guilty for leaving, now it's also my partner, his family and my cats.

The cat thing might seem a little stupid, but one of them is very attached to me and it breaks my heart to think about leaving him.

 

[im_tired]

It's not silly. My cat is the only being in this world who would honestly be worse off without me so she is the one I'm sticking around for. I think if she goes then that's it for me with the way the world and the economy is going, I probably won't be able to get a decent job and a hospitable place to live for another pet.