Venting The Future Terrifies Me

[K bye]

I don't want to keep living because I don't want to know what the world has in store for me. I have a lot of my natural life agead of me but I have zero intentions of ever seeing what I'll become.

I'm a complete waste of space. I'm a fuck up, a complete failure. I've shot myself in the foot before my life ever truly began. I've wasted my opportunities, pushed people away, and I feel so hollow inside. I've wanted to kill myself since I was 11, and I think I'm finally ready to catch the bus.

I don't think my life will be worth living. I'll die alone and miserable either way, I just have to decide when I want to do it. This post I'm writing will be the biggest impact I leave behind, and I can't tell if that's a good thing or not. I'd personally rather die forgotten, like I was never here. Maybe that's for the best.


I don't think I was ever supposed to make it this far.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

I understand how you're feeling. I feel the exact same way. Sorry that you're in pain as well. Please feel free to shoot me a PM whenever. I'd be happy to talk to you :) <3 hope tomorrow's a better day for you

 

[faust]

I am sorry you feel this way.
The thing which you can do right now is to talk to other people here with similar problems.
The bigger impact would be not leaving this post, but talking to others, sharing your inner world with those who will understand you.
If somebody of them decide to stay and you decide to go, some will still remember you.
We are not who we are, what we say or how we feel, we are who we are inside and you can never predict what could be your impact.
Wish you a good luck in whatever you do!

 

[itsamadworld]

I'm 39, and I think i am going to die at 40, and I have thought this from my 20's. But who really knows? I am not sure i will just die, or if I can over-ride my survival instinct. I almost died, but i was found.... My life just became sorta tolerable within the last 4 years, but not satisfactory. But I have BPD- so sometimes i'm really on the ball! Then other times, I just hit the fence....Yeah, it's hard to say how you'll feel...Hell, it's hard to say how I'll feel 5 minutes from now!.....I work in a memory care unit with the elderly (i don't know how the hell i keep my sanity? but I have been loosing it!) and I have worked in hospice and pallitive care for the last 9 years...... Too my age, the elderly are like 65 and above....to you...well, i don't know how old you are? Anyways....I don't want to get older either. Because I don't want to end up there, like where i work., like a prisoner, therefore I feel better having an Exit strategy....in my case SN. Well....I am not sure I can override the survival instinct at 40!BUt i am preparing my will....I'm still in okay shape...but I am not doing that great too be envious, becuz i am depressed all the time... I worry constantly. And I feel alone...

 

[ygornimoy]

my fear is not death but homelessness.

I am a programmer now, but I am 50, with no retirement plan. What about the future? Well, I am also writing a horror novel, and I am learning about the stock market, but being in a third world country does not help, and the fact that my family is small, and my mom and sister are schizos and religious fanatics who rarely leave the house and leave on an inheritance does not help at all.