Venting The frustration of "sunk cost"

[PurpleVoid]

Life feels like a bad relationship I've been in too long. I want to get out, but I think of all the effort I put in, and all the hope people put in me. It makes me feel guilty about leaving.

When I was a kid, people were always telling me, "You have so much potential!" Sometimes they would even say things like, "You've been given so many gifts - you have a responsibility to use them and give back to the world." Whether I really have "gifts" is debatable, but I still have that complex regardless. I can't lose the feeling that I'm a human investment. My parents spent time, money, and effort raising me, taking care of my financial needs when I came back home from college after a mental breakdown (twice). I've already failed their expectations with the way I'm living, but they still are under the impression that I'll bounce back from this and go on to do "great things".

Even when I think of how it would be better to "cut my losses" and just CTB, how my family will be so much better off if I don't make them spend another decade caring for me, I'm still thinking about myself as an investment, not a person. It's so deeply ingrained in me to think about their relationship to me as cost/benefit. I just want to think of myself as a person - someone who has the right to live on my own terms, or die on my own terms.

 

[hopelessdreams]

I completely understand you, word for word. The investment part has been ingrained in me by my parents, because every time I was sad or just wanted some comfort from my parents all I got back is "you have nothing to be sad about. You have clothes, a roof and food."

I'm sorry you're feeling this way and it's really hard to get out of when you've been conditioned to think like this. Some problems won't go away just by "doing better" in life; they stick with you.

 

[TeflonMummy]

I've always disliked the idea of people using sayings like; "You've been given so many gifts - you have a responsibility to use them and give back to the world." Self actualization has almost never been something you can just chose, it requires you to be lucky enough to get the opportunity. Platitudes that have you feel you're worth something and then uses those feelings against you have always been my least favorite.

 

[woh6]

Really resonated.

I've already failed their expectations with the way I'm living, but they still are under the impression that I'll bounce back from this and go on to do "great things".

This is so true because my parents treat it as some kind of phase and think that I'll magically get over it eventually. I've started to expect from myself that I should be able to just "bounce back" as well but it's so hard to and that makes me even more miserable. I'm sorry you feel like that and I wish the best for you

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that existence is a burden so selfishly forced on us rather than a "gift", and those types of people who expect other people to be grateful and appreciative for being given the ability to exist here really are so annoying to me. Continuing to exist shouldn't be viewed as an obligation but rather a personal choice. But that does sound like a tiring situation to be trapped in, I wish you the best.