Venting The final draft of my note.

[Mariomcfly]

I've written this many times but this is the final version. (PS. Not a goodbye threat.)

Goodbye!

If you are reading this, then I am dead. I know that this is going to be hard for everyone, but I hope this note brings you some sort of closure. I know this has probably come out of nowhere, but these types of things often do. Men aren't allowed to show weakness, and I didn't have anyone close enough for me to talk to. I could have spoken to Ma, or I could have spoken with Jess, but to what end? The responses would be the same, and they would have fallen on deaf ears. I have wanted to end my life for some time now, and it seems like I have finally gone through with it.

I love you all with all my heart, but I cannot go on any longer. Please understand that this is for the best. I know that you are left with the financial burden of my funeral, but please, have no ceremony. Burn my body, put the ashes into a potted plant, and let my remains give life to something more beautiful than I could ever be.

I hope you know that my biggest regret is not becoming the man you all hoped and believed I could be. I am painfully aware that I have failed all of you who loved me, and for that, I am truly sorry, but a tiger cannot change his stripes. I will leave this world the way I lived in it, failing myself and my family one last time.

I love you all, and I will leave you with this last message. When you say my name, when you see my picture, or when a memory of me enters your mind, know that you deserved better than me.

 

[deedee0225]

Thank you for sharing your note. Maybe this is none of my business. But I was wondering what your purpose for writing this note is. It does sound like you truly love your family, so I am assuming you are writing this with the purpose of trying to reduce their grieving to the extent that it's possible. If that's your intent, then I think you may want to consider revising some parts. For example, put yourself in the shoes of your family members reading this. I think some parts of the note will only make them more sad. For example, "know that you deserved better than me" or "failing myself and my family one last time". With this your family may associate themselves, partly, with the reason for your CTB. Is that the message you wanted to send? Know that your family reading this note is going to be scrutinizing every single word there and be hyper sensitive to everything written. To be honest I think it's a well written note, but it wasn't clear the purpose the note is trying to serve. But then, it's true not every note needs a purpose.

 

[TAW122]

This is a well-written and direct note. It highlights the pain that you are going through as well as wishing them well and peace, then also tells them what to do to "help" bring them some amount of closure and to help them move on. I hope you will find peace in the coming days.

 

[Mariomcfly]

This is a well-written and direct note. It highlights the pain that you are going through as well as wishing them well and peace, then also tells them what to do to "help" bring them some amount of closure and to help them move on. I hope you will find peace in the coming days.

Thank you after deedee0225 gave me input I started to think about it. I did want show the pain I'm in hopes they understood my pain. Crazy that I've gotten more help from strangers than my family.