demuic
Life was a mistake
- Sep 12, 2020
- 1,383
Nothing makes sense. I think that is the one thing that I hate most about the world. How chaos and randomness are the dominating elements. And when people try to impose order on things, it is only a way of imposing their will on others. I feel brutality is everywhere and people can only survive if they are blind to it in some way. I don't like people. I don't like the callousness, the stupidity, the rules and regulations, the majority of behaviors and mindsets that seem to affect most people. Most people are incomprehensible to me. More than that, they are repugnant to me - in the sense that I feel that I am diametrically opposed to most of the values, behaviors, and beliefs that I observe in others. We are not compatible, and since I cannot change the world or people around me, nor can I change myself, I will take myself out of the picture entirely.
I feel like the only person in the world who is anything like me. Of course there are people I can relate to on the some matters, but the whole picture of who I am, nothing completely matches up. I feel existence is inherently lonely, at least mine is. Being trapped inside your own head, that is how I would describe my life. It is even lonelier when you are always on the outside and can never find anyone who feel the same way you do. Even in groups of people who supposedly share my conditions, there will still remain the feeling of being an outsider in some way, always an outsider looking in. This feeling has existed for as long as I have been alive. It will never go away. I can't convey the extent of the profound effect this experience has had on my psyche, on who I am.
There's no one knows the real me. I've never felt there was anyone who would understand. I feel like I already don't exist, because who I am has never been witnessed by anyone. Perhaps it would be considered strange to have a problem with this. I know that people don't show who they are to everyone all the time, they behave and reveal parts of themselves differently based on the context. But to me it is crushing. All I ever wanted was for someone to know me, because being alone with myself is all I have ever known. I will never have that.
There is nothing that could be done that would make me want to live. Even if there were some futuristic sci-fi procedure that could rewire my brain to turn me into a normie and make me content with living in this world, I would not take it. Because I don't see living in this world as a good thing. I want to escape as soon as possible.
I can't accept a mediocre and unfulfilling existence, surrounding by people and things I hate. I have nothing but resentment for everything I see around me. Anyone would if they saw things the way I do, in my situation. Once you understand that we are nothing but biological machines, existing for no particular reason but to replicate in the same manner of a virus, spreading terror and misery in its wake, if you are not happy somehow amidst all the madness, if you do not have something to distract you and blind you and occupy your time, if do not have even some way of eking out the smallest amounts of enjoyment amidst a sea of vicious hate, there is no reason to go on. There is nothing here on earth for me. That is all I can say. I don't belong at all.
Even this post may not be understood. This is just a jumble of thoughts with a loose thread connecting them. I am letting some things out because I feel death is approaching. My SN is here and I now I must attempt to gather the other elements of regime. I hope I can overcome the inertia and apathy enough to prevent myself from simply consuming the SN alone, to decrease my chances of an unpleasant experience.
I feel like the only person in the world who is anything like me. Of course there are people I can relate to on the some matters, but the whole picture of who I am, nothing completely matches up. I feel existence is inherently lonely, at least mine is. Being trapped inside your own head, that is how I would describe my life. It is even lonelier when you are always on the outside and can never find anyone who feel the same way you do. Even in groups of people who supposedly share my conditions, there will still remain the feeling of being an outsider in some way, always an outsider looking in. This feeling has existed for as long as I have been alive. It will never go away. I can't convey the extent of the profound effect this experience has had on my psyche, on who I am.
There's no one knows the real me. I've never felt there was anyone who would understand. I feel like I already don't exist, because who I am has never been witnessed by anyone. Perhaps it would be considered strange to have a problem with this. I know that people don't show who they are to everyone all the time, they behave and reveal parts of themselves differently based on the context. But to me it is crushing. All I ever wanted was for someone to know me, because being alone with myself is all I have ever known. I will never have that.
There is nothing that could be done that would make me want to live. Even if there were some futuristic sci-fi procedure that could rewire my brain to turn me into a normie and make me content with living in this world, I would not take it. Because I don't see living in this world as a good thing. I want to escape as soon as possible.
I can't accept a mediocre and unfulfilling existence, surrounding by people and things I hate. I have nothing but resentment for everything I see around me. Anyone would if they saw things the way I do, in my situation. Once you understand that we are nothing but biological machines, existing for no particular reason but to replicate in the same manner of a virus, spreading terror and misery in its wake, if you are not happy somehow amidst all the madness, if you do not have something to distract you and blind you and occupy your time, if do not have even some way of eking out the smallest amounts of enjoyment amidst a sea of vicious hate, there is no reason to go on. There is nothing here on earth for me. That is all I can say. I don't belong at all.
Even this post may not be understood. This is just a jumble of thoughts with a loose thread connecting them. I am letting some things out because I feel death is approaching. My SN is here and I now I must attempt to gather the other elements of regime. I hope I can overcome the inertia and apathy enough to prevent myself from simply consuming the SN alone, to decrease my chances of an unpleasant experience.