Venting The curse: I don't want to die - but circumstances force me to CTB (sooner or later)

[Praestat_Mori]

Does anyone feel the same? Can anyone relate?

 

[iloverachel]

There are few days where I feel a bit better and don't want to die, but most the time I want to die.

If I could magically cure my anxiety, depression, anhedonia, PTSD, bipolar, and also be accepted by society, then maybe i would not want to die. But that doesn't seem likely at all

 

[iloveduster]

Honestly, yeah. If only I had a more peaceful history I'd probably be writing books and doing things that are considered meaningful. Everything "fun" from my life is gone and I lost everything. I'm broke, I'm extremely lonely and I'm almost always in pain. On top of that my mental pain deteriorated into physical pain, and even my unhealthy coping strategies don't help much. I have nothing to hold on to, but the fear of me failing even ctb is scaring the hell out of me. I'm just slowly rotting away and praying that I could find a peaceful way of leaving this cruel world as soon as possible.

 

[Unknown21]

Does anyone feel the same? Can anyone relate?

Lol, this is exactly my case, it's a struggle. I still want to try a lot of things in life but I don't have the opportunity to do anything.

 

[winterparty]

Yes. I can relate. It's worse for oneself

 

[litekiller11]

Soo Relatable . In my case it's go like that
2020: Barely passed first year of highschool
2021: Barely passed second year of highschool
2022: Barely passed The high school exam which led me to go to a poor college with a major I don't want to do but i am forced to do it because its the only one accepted me . And it's hard AF (Physics)
2023: Failed my first year of college
2024:The big exam is next week and I've barely studied anything and didn't attend any lectures . Since I failed 2 years I am getting kicked out
What hurts me the most is my family which have high expectations on me . They give me facility and spend a lot of money on extra classes for me even tho we were poor at that time . Constantly disappointed them but I think they lost hope on me. But still sometimes I notice that they still which to see me succeed.and that just breaks me
I've decided to end it because of constant depression anxiety and failure.
I really want to live I really have a lot of dreams. Things to accomplish. Bucket list to finish . Books to read . Movies and Shows to Watch . I may even meet someone that loves me in the future. I am forced to do it because I don't want to see their reaction when I fail again . I am currently practicing partial hanging and ill do it when they leave for vacation next week . It's sucks man

 

[Cinnamorolls]

Yes. Nothing changes, no matter how much time passes or what I do to try to induce change. Things don't get better. I just don't know how many more years of incurable suffering I can take.