Venting The cops came to my door

[a flurry of knives]

A few days ago I was having a rough mental breakdown and told my friend I was going to kill myself. I took my blade and started slitting my wrists. I also blocked all of my friends and my girlfriend from everywhere so they could not contact me. Sadly I'm a failure so I couldn't manage to go deep or wide enough so nothing really ended up happening, though I guess at least seeing the blood calmed me down. As I was cutting my wrists though I guess my friend called the cops and they came to my door. I was hiding the cuts with an arm warmer on but I was hyperventilating so it was clear what I was doing, they weren't stupid despite me telling them I was ok and nothing was going on. I felt so scared. They luckily didn't force me to show my cuts or force me to go to the ambulance if I didn't want to, and told my brother, who was there at the door with me, to call it himself if he feels it is necessary, then the cops left. My brother now knows about my suicidality and self harm tendencies due to this and I hate that he knows because he's one of the people who deeply hurt me and refuses to apologize for it, but at least he promised not to tell my parents, who are 100x worse than him. I haven't talked to any of my friends since then. I don't think I deserve to have people care about me, so I'm isolating myself in hopes they'll stop bothering with me. I also stopped taking my meds. I was diagnosed with DPDR and taking my antipsychotics worked, I no longer constantly dissociate or derealize and that scares me. I'm not used to feeling more grounded to reality. I don't want to feel real. I don't deserve to. It's scary and I hate it.

 

[whywere]

First off, I care, love and want the very best for you, always.

I have had the cops, NOT only at my door, but I had a dispatcher call me on my cell phone and told me to open the door, I live on the first floor, or they would come through the windows. But one way or the other they were coming in. This was because one of the mental health folks that I was going to, I had been there to see them a day or two before, got the idea that I was planning something. They were correct by the way. I was in the process of CTB and I did not want glass everywhere, so I opened the door and then the fun began. To say that the cops had NO training on how to deal with a crisis situation is an understatement to say the least. Oh, yes, I got escorted out to the ambulance and then a long hospital stay.

From your thread I got a very huge impression that your family especially your brother really loves and cares about and for you. That is so wonderful, as it shows that they care and want you with them.

YES, I have been through hell and back through my life, I am 67 for reference point, and I really care about you, 100% from my heart and mind. YOU DESERVE to feel however you want and to feel real, at least for me, is one of the ways of feeling, BUT not the only type and/or way. Feeling the caring and love that surrounds oneself and every day comes with morning sunshine and a new beginning. Everyday can and will have feelings that are unique upon not only the daytime frame but how one thinks, acts and responds to it. Feeling real? Not necessarily but in one's of frame of mind and the different stimuli every day, there may be times/situations that are awesome and also not so much. But in my 67 years the awesome always outweighed the not so much.

I send you all the huge hugs, love, caring, kindness and sunny skies and fields of flowers that I have, as you are a wonderful person!

Walter

 

[FuneralCry]

It must had been awful what you went through, it's so cruel to me how suicidal people are treat like criminals by receiving that visit, but at least they didn't force you into a psych ward as those places just sound so horrible to me. But anyway best wishes.

 

[アホペンギン]

You're lucky you didn't get sent to the psych ward because your friends called the cops on you. Normally, you'd be sent there but you got extremely lucky in this case. And at least your brother refuses to tell your parents about your suicidal ideation despite having been terrible to you and doesn't apologize. But your friends should've known better than to call the cops on you, they should know that the cops never have good motives. Anyways, I wish you the best and I send you my best regards.

 

[a flurry of knives]

You're lucky you didn't get sent to the psych ward because your friends called the cops on you. Normally, you'd be sent there but you got extremely lucky in this case. And at least your brother refuses to tell your parents about your suicidal ideation despite having been terrible to you and doesn't apologize. But your friends should've known better than to call the cops on you, they should know that the cops never have good motives. Anyways, I wish you the best and I send you my best regards.

Yeah, I was surprised nothing happened. Honestly, I do feel sort of upset that my friend called the cops on me, I mean he literally hates cops too, and he knew how bad my parents getting to know about everything would've been (they are abusive people and the reason I'm so depressed to begin with), I was terrified out of my mind. But it was like 1 AM and they were asleep, and they didn't get woken up thankfully. I understand my friend did it out of genuine concern, so I can't hold it against him, but part of me still feels betrayed.

 

[アホペンギン]

Yeah, I was surprised nothing happened. Honestly, I do feel sort of upset that my friend called the cops on me, I mean he literally hates cops too, and he knew how bad my parents getting to know about everything would've been (they are abusive people and the reason I'm so depressed to begin with), I was terrified out of my mind. But it was like 1 AM and they were asleep, and they didn't get woken up thankfully. I understand my friend did it out of genuine concern, so I can't hold it against him, but part of me still feels betrayed.

Yeah, he did it out of concern for you so you shouldn't hold a grudge against him for doing so. Anyone who cares would do the same.

 

[a flurry of knives]

First off, I care, love and want the very best for you, always.

I have had the cops, NOT only at my door, but I had a dispatcher call me on my cell phone and told me to open the door, I live on the first floor, or they would come through the windows. But one way or the other they were coming in. This was because one of the mental health folks that I was going to, I had been there to see them a day or two before, got the idea that I was planning something. They were correct by the way. I was in the process of CTB and I did not want glass everywhere, so I opened the door and then the fun began. To say that the cops had NO training on how to deal with a crisis situation is an understatement to say the least. Oh, yes, I got escorted out to the ambulance and then a long hospital stay.

From your thread I got a very huge impression that your family especially your brother really loves and cares about and for you. That is so wonderful, as it shows that they care and want you with them.

YES, I have been through hell and back through my life, I am 67 for reference point, and I really care about you, 100% from my heart and mind. YOU DESERVE to feel however you want and to feel real, at least for me, is one of the ways of feeling, BUT not the only type and/or way. Feeling the caring and love that surrounds oneself and every day comes with morning sunshine and a new beginning. Everyday can and will have feelings that are unique upon not only the daytime frame but how one thinks, acts and responds to it. Feeling real? Not necessarily but in one's of frame of mind and the different stimuli every day, there may be times/situations that are awesome and also not so much. But in my 67 years the awesome always outweighed the not so much.

I send you all the huge hugs, love, caring, kindness and sunny skies and fields of flowers that I have, as you are a wonderful person!

Walter

Thanks. I recognize my brother cares about me and I don't doubt the love he has for me. But that's exactly what makes it complicated. He has done plenty of horrible things to me that count as abuse, that he's never apologized for. It's hard to be around him due to this. I wish he didn't love me at all just like my parents so at least my perception of him could be less complicated. I mean, it's hard to untangle how someone can be horrible towards you and still care.

 

[UKscotty]

People don't care that's the sad reality.
Just call the cops who don't have the resources to do anything anyway.