I was just thinking about something. Three paths in life that I either did take or could have taken.
The first is my curren path. What actually happened. I started experiencing social anxiety in 2008 or something for the first time. It got slowly worse until 2011. Then I entered college and it got REALLY bad. Along with my failure anxiety getting really bad. I screwed up at college pretty badly for several years because of that. Then in 2015 I started going to my current psychologist. She managed to get me back on track for college and help improve my social anxiety and failure anxiety. Even enough to get a new girlfriend too. But in the end my life and my mind were just in too bad of a state already. And now I'm here on this site.
The second path, and the one I was thinking about most, was... what if I had met my current psychologist back in 2011? Back then my social anxiety hadn't gotten really bad yet. I was at the very start of my college career so no real harm had been done there yet. And my failure anxiety also just wan't nearly as bad yet. Those things deteriorated over the next 3-4 years. If I'd found her back then I give it very good odds that my social anxiety would've gotten much better and my failure anxiety would've never gotten as bad. And my college career probably wouldn't have been sabotaged. Which would probably mean I got my diploma, if not a doctorate, and... idk what place I'd be in right now. Seems likely that it'd be a way better place though.
The third path is one I had to think about afterwards. What if I hadn't met my current psychologist ever? In 2015 (before I met her) I was going to another psychologist and had been for like 2 years or something. And she hadn't really helped me at all. Neither had the two psychologists I'd had before that. My social and failure anxiety had just kept getting worse under her. So what would've happened if I'd just stuck with her? I never would've been able to go back to college. I probably wouldn't have met either of my previous two girlfriends. So where would I be now? Probably CTBd years ago. I'd probably already be dead.
Idk, it's interesting. In 2015 I suddenly decided that I was getting tired of not making progress in therapy, and I decided to look across a long list of psychologists for someone who did cognitive-behavioural therapy. And this was a pretty big list. And yet of all the people in the list I chose my current psychologist who helped me a lot.
So much could've gone completely different. I could've looked years earlier or years later. I could've picked a different person out of the list. I could've stuck with the other psychologist. And my life would probably be entirely different today. For better or for worse.
Not sure what I'm saying here anymore. It's just crazy that life works out like that. I just wish I'd found my current psychologist in 2011. My life probably would've been a lot better if that had been the case.
Although I will say, to all of you who are in therapy and it isn't working for you, don't be afraid to try a new psychologist with a different approach. It can really make a huge difference. What I did initially is I went to my previous psychologist once a week. I decided to cut that down to once every two weeks and then spend the other two times a month going to the new psychologist. And once I realized that one was working, I swapped completely to going once a week to her. So if you're scared of losing your current psychologist, why not try that? What have you got to lose if it's not working at all? You should give it an honest chance, of course. But I'm just saying... sometimes it can be good to find someone with a different approach. It can mean the difference between sitting at home afraid to get on a bus vs. going back to college to get your doctorate.
The first is my curren path. What actually happened. I started experiencing social anxiety in 2008 or something for the first time. It got slowly worse until 2011. Then I entered college and it got REALLY bad. Along with my failure anxiety getting really bad. I screwed up at college pretty badly for several years because of that. Then in 2015 I started going to my current psychologist. She managed to get me back on track for college and help improve my social anxiety and failure anxiety. Even enough to get a new girlfriend too. But in the end my life and my mind were just in too bad of a state already. And now I'm here on this site.
The second path, and the one I was thinking about most, was... what if I had met my current psychologist back in 2011? Back then my social anxiety hadn't gotten really bad yet. I was at the very start of my college career so no real harm had been done there yet. And my failure anxiety also just wan't nearly as bad yet. Those things deteriorated over the next 3-4 years. If I'd found her back then I give it very good odds that my social anxiety would've gotten much better and my failure anxiety would've never gotten as bad. And my college career probably wouldn't have been sabotaged. Which would probably mean I got my diploma, if not a doctorate, and... idk what place I'd be in right now. Seems likely that it'd be a way better place though.
The third path is one I had to think about afterwards. What if I hadn't met my current psychologist ever? In 2015 (before I met her) I was going to another psychologist and had been for like 2 years or something. And she hadn't really helped me at all. Neither had the two psychologists I'd had before that. My social and failure anxiety had just kept getting worse under her. So what would've happened if I'd just stuck with her? I never would've been able to go back to college. I probably wouldn't have met either of my previous two girlfriends. So where would I be now? Probably CTBd years ago. I'd probably already be dead.
Idk, it's interesting. In 2015 I suddenly decided that I was getting tired of not making progress in therapy, and I decided to look across a long list of psychologists for someone who did cognitive-behavioural therapy. And this was a pretty big list. And yet of all the people in the list I chose my current psychologist who helped me a lot.
So much could've gone completely different. I could've looked years earlier or years later. I could've picked a different person out of the list. I could've stuck with the other psychologist. And my life would probably be entirely different today. For better or for worse.
Not sure what I'm saying here anymore. It's just crazy that life works out like that. I just wish I'd found my current psychologist in 2011. My life probably would've been a lot better if that had been the case.
Although I will say, to all of you who are in therapy and it isn't working for you, don't be afraid to try a new psychologist with a different approach. It can really make a huge difference. What I did initially is I went to my previous psychologist once a week. I decided to cut that down to once every two weeks and then spend the other two times a month going to the new psychologist. And once I realized that one was working, I swapped completely to going once a week to her. So if you're scared of losing your current psychologist, why not try that? What have you got to lose if it's not working at all? You should give it an honest chance, of course. But I'm just saying... sometimes it can be good to find someone with a different approach. It can mean the difference between sitting at home afraid to get on a bus vs. going back to college to get your doctorate.
