The best time to ctb - after Xmas? After new year? When?

[Hunter]

Currently I am in hell and I need to ctb ASAP. The physical and mental torture is reaching apex levels of suffering that even guilt and fear cannot stop me from. My survival instinct is much lower now and it's all because of pain. I need to ctb soon but the only thing keeping me here now is just the timing.

I am strongly considering day after Christmas but I worry it's too fucked up for my family and they'll never enjoy the holiday again. If I do it right after New Year, it's the same. Then my mom's birthday is literally a week later and if I do it the day after, it's the same issue. They could all be potential reminders of my death.

Please help me, I'm trying to be compassionate to my family so they don't hate the holidays the rest of their lives but god it's such a long time to wait and I'm in agony literally everyday and every hour.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

I would suggest that you hang in there if you have a family you get on with. Otherwise your CTB over the holidays and your mom's birthday will ruin this time of year for them forever. I'm also desperate to CTB due to extreme physical pain. However, I'm hanging in there not for my family (who I don't like) but because I need to tie up some loose ends first.

Just think: what difference will a few more weeks for you to CTB make just to make it easier for them? It'll be worth it in the long run and you'll be more likely to be able to CTB without so much guilt.

 

[Hunter]

I would suggest that you hang in there if you have a family you get on with. Otherwise your CTB over the holidays and your mom's birthday will ruin this time of year for them forever. I'm also desperate to CTB due to extreme physical pain. However, I'm hanging in there not for my family (who I don't like) but because I need to tie up some loose ends first.

Just think: what difference will a few more weeks for you to CTB make just to make it easier for them? It'll be worth it in the long run and you'll be more likely to be able to CTB without so much guilt.

I know I'm just in so much agony. And I may be out on the streets soon, depending on circumstances out of my control. I had an opportunity to leave before the holidays this year but it all got bungled up and I think the instinct was still there cus my pain hadn't gotten that bad yet. Now I am in so much torture. I can't even express it.

 

[Hunter]

I also have an irrational fear of losing my method… I'm worried the cops are going to stop me one day and find It. The N has a disguise "skincare" label on it but still I worry.

 

[BellaKAT]

I also have an irrational fear of losing my method… I'm worried the cops are going to stop me one day and find It. The N has a disguise "skincare" label on it but still I worry.

are you constantly carrying on you? i wouldn't worry about it. you've waited this long a few more weeks could be do-able. it's up to you. it's thoughtful of you not to want impact others .

 

[MsM3talGamer]

I know I'm just in so much agony. And I may be out on the streets soon, depending on circumstances out of my control. I had an opportunity to leave before the holidays this year but it all got bungled up and I think the instinct was still there cus my pain hadn't gotten that bad yet. Now I am in so much torture. I can't even express it.

I see what you mean and I can identify with the feeling of urgency. I'm in my own personal hell of having progressive cancer. I woke up this morning feeling like a knife was being twisted in my lung. I'm literally hanging on by a thread because I need certain factors put into place before I CTB in February.

 

[Stillnotsure]

Currently I am in hell and I need to ctb ASAP. The physical and mental torture is reaching apex levels of suffering that even guilt and fear cannot stop me from. My survival instinct is much lower now and it's all because of pain. I need to ctb soon but the only thing keeping me here now is just the timing.

I am strongly considering day after Christmas but I worry it's too fucked up for my family and they'll never enjoy the holiday again. If I do it right after New Year, it's the same. Then my mom's birthday is literally a week later and if I do it the day after, it's the same issue. They could all be potential reminders of my death.

Please help me, I'm trying to be compassionate to my family so they don't hate the holidays the rest of their lives but god it's such a long time to wait and I'm in agony literally everyday and every hour.

My advice is to do what's best for you. I've lost family members at the holidays and my birthday is Jan 8th. No matter when you go, your family will think of you and miss you around the holidays. My family has moved on fine from my dads death Dec 21st under the Xmas tree three years ago. We miss him painfully but it's more that he's not here than what day he left on.

 

[Kingkelly]

Currently I am in hell and I need to ctb ASAP. The physical and mental torture is reaching apex levels of suffering that even guilt and fear cannot stop me from. My survival instinct is much lower now and it's all because of pain. I need to ctb soon but the only thing keeping me here now is just the timing.

I am strongly considering day after Christmas but I worry it's too fucked up for my family and they'll never enjoy the holiday again. If I do it right after New Year, it's the same. Then my mom's birthday is literally a week later and if I do it the day after, it's the same issue. They could all be potential reminders of my death.

Please help me, I'm trying to be compassionate to my family so they don't hate the holidays the rest of their lives but god it's such a long time to wait and I'm in agony literally everyday and every hour.

Hugs I'm in the same boat. Its taking everything in my body not to CBT tonight. Conditions are perfect Im home alone all night but it will ruin my families Christmas. I want to CBT so bad but maybe you should wait until after the holidays its hard I know. Good luck

 

[Kyrok]

Here's one way to think about it: do you want to see 2019? End the year, end yourself. Otherwise, you risk dragging on even longer.

 

[Hunter]

My advice is to do what's best for you. I've lost family members at the holidays and my birthday is Jan 8th. No matter when you go, your family will think of you and miss you around the holidays. My family has moved on fine from my dads death Dec 21st under the Xmas tree three years ago. We miss him painfully but it's more that he's not here than what day he left on.

Thanks for your honesty

Oddly my moms birthday is January 8.

 

[Hunter]

I see what you mean and I can identify with the feeling of urgency. I'm in my own personal hell of having progressive cancer. I woke up this morning feeling like a knife was being twisted in my lung. I'm literally hanging on by a thread because I need certain factors put into place before I CTB in February.

I'm so sorry you're also chronically ill. I have read about the people from here who died and noticed many of them had physical problems, were disabled or neurotoxic brain damage (Malice1, TiredMan, WantingPeace, shadow11.... list goes on). I have zero quality of life now and I just need it to stop.

 

[Stillnotsure]

Thanks for your honesty

Oddly my moms birthday is January 8.

We share that honor with Elvis Presley too.

 

[Hunter]

Here's one way to think about it: do you want to see 2019? End the year, end yourself. Otherwise, you risk dragging on even longer.

As horrific as it is to see another reminder of my failed life, I am trying not to create the same for my family. And I'm not even close with them tbh.

I'm not afraid to die so I am pretty damn sure dragging on won't be an issue for me.

 

[Hunter]

are you constantly carrying on you? i wouldn't worry about it. you've waited this long a few more weeks could be do-able. it's up to you. it's thoughtful of you not to want impact others .

Yeah when I take long car trips I always carry it on me in case something goes wrong.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

I'm so sorry you're also chronically ill. I have read about the people from here who died and noticed many of them had physical problems, were disabled or neurotoxic brain damage (Malice1, TiredMan, WantingPeace, shadow11.... list goes on). I have zero quality of life now and I just need it to stop.

Thank you. With my health gone I feel that there's no point hanging around any more either. At the end of the day only you know when you're ready to CTB. I wish you the best of luck on whatever you decide to do.

 

[Nerdyartist85]

My aunt ctb when I was twelve years old 2 weeks before christmas.

I still remember how devastated my parents were (especially my dad since that was his sister) knowing the holidays wouldn't be the same. I personally struggled with Christmases for several years after learning the circumstances of her death (since she was my favorite and most affectionate aunt).

I plan to wait till after Christmas; let my parents, my husband, and those around me have one last fond holiday memory of me before I ctb in January.

 

[Hunter]

Thank you. With my health gone I feel that there's no point hanging around any more either. At the end of the day only you know when you're ready to CTB. I wish you the best of luck on whatever you decide to do.

Thank you. I have been aching to go for a long time now. I want to get this over with. There's no virtue in suffering:(

 

[MsM3talGamer]

Thank you. I have been aching to go for a long time now. I want to get this over with. There's no virtue in suffering:(

Agreed. Suffering is simply not worth it IMO and I'd CTB now if I could.

 

[TAW122]

Assuming you don't want to forever leave a bad memory of the holidays or any joyous occasion such as a birthday, important event, or anniversary, then if it is possible to hold out until late January or so, I would recommend that. If not, then I would try to ctb as discreetly as possible (timing is important) and finding a way to delay the news until after the holidays are over.

 

[bigj75]

Now is the best time before your life gets worse.

 

[Kingkelly]

Now is the best time before your life gets worse.

Agreed.

 

[mattwitt]

I know how you feel ! I wanted to leave before November but 3 birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, News Years, and 1 friend have gotten in the way in the past 2 months.

 

[Hunter]

I know how you feel ! I wanted to leave before November but 3 birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, News Years, and 1 friend have gotten in the way in the past 2 months.

You still have friends in real life? Damn you must still have some quality of life.

 

[Hunter]

Now is the best time before your life gets worse.

Life is rapidly getting worse.

 

[mattwitt]

You still have friends in real life? Damn you must still have some quality of life.

Its an online friend : )

 

[Goldie]

I think when it comes to ctb it does not matter when you do it.

 

[Hunter]

I think when it comes to ctb it does not matter when you do it.

That's not what people in the suicide bereavement forums say... I cruise them regularly. In one of them, someone posted recently that their mother kill herself on her son's birthday last year and he's haunted on his birthday now. A lot of the comments express shock that someone would do that and it seemed to really disturb the OP. I know everyone is different, but I'm trying to use some general guidelines to avoid messing them up more than necessary.

 

[GiveMeNovacaine]

I'm also trying to figure out the perfect time to CTB in the near future.
It makes sense to hold out until after New Years, but how long after is the question.
The first week of the New Year is the most tempting because it's the earliest but I feel like February would be the least damaging. What do you all think?

 

[Sick Boy]

Autumn and Winter are the best seasons to ctb,because of the cold season weather your body Will preserve longer time
in case they find your body in hours.i would never ctb on summer time,the heat Will decopose your body faster

 

[CentreMid]

I used to have a planed time but now I just say fuck it and see what happens because I kept delaying my date and didn't see a point in holding a certain day anymore. Hopefully I'll get it done and over with sooner rather than later though