Venting The aftertaste of human contact

[whatevs]

I get this sad aftertaste of regret and disgust after revising most of the people I have met and continue to meet. This is only getting worse as I grow older and accumulate more experiences.

Earth is a giant sanitarium and most people are so vile or insane that they're best kept as indifferent, unknown strangers. I really get a strong sense of living in a hellscape were despite being all in pain we continue to torment each other or direct our efforts towards chasing shadows and building castles of sand.

Actually, this is something cool about my fucked up personality, there's a lot of genuine contempt and disgust there. I prefer this to the more self-deprecating type that's more frequent in the forum. I've never pretended to be perfect but if I kill myself it will be affected more by how disappointing people were than how disappointing I've might been.

For some reason despite my recent efforts towards solipsism I've always been (very ironically) a group-oriented person, which means that if I can't respect the people around me I probably can't survive, because there's no reason to survive.

The things we do by ourselves suck compared with what we can do collectively, and if the majority of people are insane (from my point of view) I have to keep quiet in most conversations, as what I believe to be sane is insane to them. Thus, I have to live suppressed in their insane world, with their insane rules and their impending doom.

 

[bed]

The things we do by ourselves suck compared with what we can do collectively, and if the majority of people are insane (from my point of view) I have to keep quiet in most conversations, as what I believe to be sane is insane to them. Thus, I have to live suppressed in their insane world, with their insane rules and their impending doom.

In person, the few times I've briefly shared my surface-level thoughts on topics they couldn't grasp why I would think that way despite my effort in trying to explain my reasoning. My views are generally out there in terms of the general public. I do believe we are living in an insane world/society as you said. I tend to just listen now if I'm in a conversation which is rare for me to be in due to being a long-term NEET. Isolation definitely doesn't help my MH since we are social creatures but I do like the perk of not having superficial conversations with people.

One reason I like this forum more than any other place. I'm able to express these thoughts/views without being shunned. I have always felt like an outsider for one reason or another.

 

[foreverfalling]

Swallowing bullshit while holding your breath. Still get a shitty aftertaste. Feel for you man.

Do you have any want/desperation/hope of finding some other sane people? To me it's a bit of a fantasy at this point. Inevitably they'd still hurt each other in some way due to being stuck in their own world, and struggling to help themself. Better than nothing I suppose.

 

[whatevs]

Swallowing bullshit while holding your breath. Still get a shitty aftertaste. Feel for you man.

Do you have any want/desperation/hope of finding some other sane people? To me it's a bit of a fantasy at this point. Inevitably they'd still hurt each other in some way due to being stuck in their own world, and struggling to help themself. Better than nothing I suppose.

It's tough. When I met people I could respect they didn't keep in contact. In some cases it was their fault, in others It was mine.

I doesn't help being disabled to a significant extent by a sleep disorder and not having much energy to move around and meet new people, although the more people I meet the worse impression I have of the "human condition". But out of 100 you'll get someone you like.

 

[Sick&TiredURGH]

I totally get what you mean OP.
Had to go into the office for work yesterday and the having to be around people and keep everything on a superficial level had my anxiety off the scale especially on the way home when my brain was reviewing my day.
But I did manage to distract my thoughts by staying in the moment I was in.
My partner gets it but at the same time he doesn't because he is naturally drawn to being in the company of others.
It's like being super lonely while surrounded by people.
Always on edge waiting for the people around myself to hurt and tear into my emotions.

 

[Rational man]

I get this sad aftertaste of regret and disgust after revising most of the people I have met and continue to meet. This is only getting worse as I grow older and accumulate more experiences.

Earth is a giant sanitarium and most people are so vile or insane that they're best kept as indifferent, unknown strangers. I really get a strong sense of living in a hellscape were despite being all in pain we continue to torment each other or direct our efforts towards chasing shadows and building castles of sand.

Actually, this is something cool about my fucked up personality, there's a lot of genuine contempt and disgust there. I prefer this to the more self-deprecating type that's more frequent in the forum. I've never pretended to be perfect but if I kill myself it will be affected more by how disappointing people were than how disappointing I've might been.

For some reason despite my recent efforts towards solipsism I've always been (very ironically) a group-oriented person, which means that if I can't respect the people around me I probably can't survive, because there's no reason to survive.

The things we do by ourselves suck compared with what we can do collectively, and if the majority of people are insane (from my point of view) I have to keep quiet in most conversations, as what I believe to be sane is insane to them. Thus, I have to live suppressed in their insane world, with their insane rules and their impending doom.

Most people i know have never been true to themselves which is tragic. Desperate to ' fit in ' people follow the crowd at cost to their true hearts calling. Copy cat mentality, and unloading latest picture of cocktail on beach is tragic, false, and failure of mindless individualism.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I used to thrive on human contact. But now I am entirely isolated. When I interact with people my energy is probably dark and depressing and poisonous and weird. So I generally avoid dealing with other people now. Also, in social situations I can't really share with him how I'm feeling because that would be even later so I lie and tell them my career is going fine etc. but I don't like lying so I rather just be isolated. I'm so bored I can't imagine how much longer this will continue. I'm hoping some illness will overtake me. But every day the sun keeps coming up And life goes on in this petty pace. I got off track so long ago there's no fixing things at this point.