ever so lonely
terry joseph williams
- Apr 17, 2022
- 282
ok guys and gals i hope i dont come across as some type of incel horrible bastard here because i do have a heart and care about people, but here goes so i have been seeing a woman on and off for a little over 8 months now, she is far younger than i so i know how lucky i am, (i am 39 she is 24),or was, 2 months ago i discovered she had been sleeping with a person i know of, he attends the same places i do or some of them at least, i would be lying if i said i hadnt considered homicide towards him, tho only him not her, but i believe that is stupidity it takes two to tango, and i know it wouldnt solve anything, the affair would have still happened regardless, i cant do anything to take it back, my thing is it has destroyed my ability to live even further, my confidence in myself or what was left of it is shattered in pieces, i have diagnosed body dysmorphia, and ptsd, so dont value myself a great deal anyway at the best of times, but her cheating has just really pushed me back towards suicide, heavy, it doest help that she is also expecting, when i ask if the kid is mine she never wants to discuss it, i feel a meany for bringing it up and enquiring about it, but she refuses to discuss and give me honesty, just brushes me off, so i dont know where i stand with that particular issue either, i feel so
overwhelmed, the thought of juggling a half litre of sn down and then waiting for death to take me does seem rather appealing, i do have it with me now at least the sn i mean, 100 g of it, how did i end up in such a shit show not of my own making, i mean i neee strayers, i trusted her to do the correct thing, i dont know why people cheat nor how they justify it if your no happy with the person your with or supposedly with well dump that person then sleep with who you want but DONt string people along on your facade, that is why i dislike cheaters in general, they give no fucks to those they harm along the way, the epitome of selfish, the only thing i asked was for loyalty which i was myself, age gap or no age gap, so to round off and in closing we have not spoken since the discovery of the cheating she is expecting a kid god knows who the dad is me or other lover boy, and also to add to the shit sandwich my suicidal tendencies and ramped up some, this situation has been ongoing for quite a whil now, she is pretty far along in her pregnancy, tho i no sure exactly how far along because we no longer on amicable talking terms, i am frightened or part of me is too, i want to do the right thing but i just dont know what that entails, anyhoo sorry guys for this rambling, i just so seriously wish to die and end this torture. i dont know where to turn peeps, i feel like peoples doormat at this point, they seem to want me when convenient or when there is something in it for them, and then ditch me as soon as the going gets tough ?, anybody else relate ?.
overwhelmed, the thought of juggling a half litre of sn down and then waiting for death to take me does seem rather appealing, i do have it with me now at least the sn i mean, 100 g of it, how did i end up in such a shit show not of my own making, i mean i neee strayers, i trusted her to do the correct thing, i dont know why people cheat nor how they justify it if your no happy with the person your with or supposedly with well dump that person then sleep with who you want but DONt string people along on your facade, that is why i dislike cheaters in general, they give no fucks to those they harm along the way, the epitome of selfish, the only thing i asked was for loyalty which i was myself, age gap or no age gap, so to round off and in closing we have not spoken since the discovery of the cheating she is expecting a kid god knows who the dad is me or other lover boy, and also to add to the shit sandwich my suicidal tendencies and ramped up some, this situation has been ongoing for quite a whil now, she is pretty far along in her pregnancy, tho i no sure exactly how far along because we no longer on amicable talking terms, i am frightened or part of me is too, i want to do the right thing but i just dont know what that entails, anyhoo sorry guys for this rambling, i just so seriously wish to die and end this torture. i dont know where to turn peeps, i feel like peoples doormat at this point, they seem to want me when convenient or when there is something in it for them, and then ditch me as soon as the going gets tough ?, anybody else relate ?.