Venting Thanksgiving Prep makes me more suicidal

[TowerUpright]

I have an appropriate time to CTB when all the family is away . Won't be for a while, unless the stars align.

That being said, my wife is currently in a quasi-manic mode trying to get things ready for dinner with in-laws. And driving me inwards. If I ask what needs to be done, I get a look that says there's lots to be done, go find something. Of course, besides sweeping, I have no idea, since I get yelled at for moving her stuff. Or, she'll say, "I shouldn't have to tell you! What am I , your mother?" The whole time, seriously, I want to help. But get penalized for asking. if it's late, I'll be told, "you can go to bed... While I'm fixing our dinner for your mother.".. Great..

I've taken a shitload of Klonopin (3 mg). It's only what will get me through the evening.

Thanksgivings for shit. I so want to ctb earlier. Sorry for dumping on a holiday.


EDIT:Thanks for the love, y'all.it helps. Truly.

 

[lymbo]

why u want to cbt /?

 

[Moonicide]

I'm so sorry... I'm right there with you.
The holidays trigger me and make me the most suicidal due to lots of childhood trauma.
I've decided I won't be alive for Christmas, that's for sure.
I postponed my ctb due to finally getting meto and not wanting to die on Thanksgiving.

 

[TowerUpright]

why u want to cbt /?

Nutshell:

Chronicly depressed. Married rashly. Had kids because i said I wanted kids, just so I could be with someone. Wife wanted a Christian for a husband, so I became one. Mistake.

My life is a lie. But my wife had so much trauma in the past, CTB would devastate her. And one of my kids, for sure, would never get over it.

I just want out. But it's a no win.

I'm so sorry... I'm right there with you.
The holidays trigger me and make me the most suicidal due to lots of childhood trauma.
I've decided I won't be alive for Christmas, that's for sure.
I postponed my ctb due to finally getting meto and not wanting to die on Thanksgiving.

I seriously thought I could do a stat dose today and CTB. But I didn't want my family to associate Thanksgiving with my passing.

 

[lymbo]

why u Married rashly ? meds dont help thr deperessyon?at least u have a famyly and support some ppl here got jack shyt

 

[TowerUpright]

Long story about marrying rashly.

And, yes, lots and lots of people here at SS have far more real reasons to CTB. And, yes, I have more support. I've also got mental health issues with prevent me from talking about it.

You're right, though, there are many times I feel like I shouldn't be here, simply because I'm better off. Perhaps I'll leave everyone alone.

 

[Hangm4n]

Hi. I'm so sorry you're having this hard time. You may be somebody who is in a very similar situation to me.
I also feel like I married rashly and had kids rashly.
I get the same sort of treatment, everyday there's a new problem which is apparently my fault and I never do enough around the house despite doing almost everything all the time but it's not enough because she does it once her way every 2 weeks and apparently I then can never do it right.
Ive also had enough and my theory on suicide is simple, it all dies with you. Your life ceases to exist so everything around you does too. I know that my death will have an effect on my family, but my happiness on this planet is not being achieved and I have to think selfishly.
i really do feel for you because I'm in the same boat, but I'm in the U.K. so we don't do thanksgiving.
Reach out and PM me if you want it could be good to vent :)

 

[lymbo]

humans are strange, one part complayn of lonelyness but marryge and kyds also dont make them happy aparantly a real catch 22

 

[Hangm4n]

Society tells us what makes us happy. We are stupid enough to believe it.

 

[Worndown]

I have an appropriate time to CTB when all the family is away . Won't be for a while, unless the stars align.

That being said, my wife is currently in a quasi-manic mode trying to get things ready for dinner with in-laws. And driving me inwards. If I ask what needs to be done, I get a look that says there's lots to be done, go find something. Of course, besides sweeping, I have no idea, since I get yelled at for moving her stuff. Or, she'll say, "I shouldn't have to tell you! What am I , your mother?" The whole time, seriously, I want to help. But get penalized for asking. if it's late, I'll be told, "you can go to bed... While I'm fixing our dinner for your mother.".. Great..

I've taken a shitload of Klonopin (3 mg). It's only what will get me through the evening.

Thanksgivings for shit. I so want to ctb earlier. Sorry for dumping on a holiday.


EDIT:Thanks for the love, y'all.it helps. Truly.

This is why they make wine. Lots of wine!

 

[lymbo]

Society tells us what makes us happy. We are stupid enough to believe it.

exactly, but what ys the sollutyon/?

 

[Hangm4n]

exacyly, but what ys the sollucyon/?

sorry I don't understand?

 

[MeltingHeart]

I'm so sorry... I'm right there with you.
The holidays trigger me and make me the most suicidal due to lots of childhood trauma.
I've decided I won't be alive for Christmas, that's for sure.
I postponed my ctb due to finally getting meto and not wanting to die on Thanksgiving.

Same. Always hated holidays/ birthdays etc.

 

[LMLN]

This is why they make wine. Lots of wine!

Wine is good! Especially when dealing with annoying family members.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I have an appropriate time to CTB when all the family is away . Won't be for a while, unless the stars align.

That being said, my wife is currently in a quasi-manic mode trying to get things ready for dinner with in-laws. And driving me inwards. If I ask what needs to be done, I get a look that says there's lots to be done, go find something. Of course, besides sweeping, I have no idea, since I get yelled at for moving her stuff. Or, she'll say, "I shouldn't have to tell you! What am I , your mother?" The whole time, seriously, I want to help. But get penalized for asking. if it's late, I'll be told, "you can go to bed... While I'm fixing our dinner for your mother.".. Great..

I've taken a shitload of Klonopin (3 mg). It's only what will get me through the evening.

Thanksgivings for shit. I so want to ctb earlier. Sorry for dumping on a holiday.


EDIT:Thanks for the love, y'all.it helps. Truly.

In my opinion people put too much pressure on themselves for one damn day. Like ok....this is the day when we are all going to be good to each other and get along and then when the clock strikes midnight we're going to go back to the routine of being cruel to each other and never calling. Tell your wife to put her undies in the fridge and cool down. Tell her how you feel. That you're standing there literally asking her what you can do to help and that she's being a well.....let's say....mean because I don't want to get my ass handed to me haha. Thanksgiving is just another day for me. I mean we could pick any day of the year to make a big meal and have all our family over. I grew up very close with my family and we're Italian so every Sunday we would eat together and hang out and argue....it's not a family gathering without arguing and belittling someone. Oh Audriana you need a chin implant. Oh Audriana stand up straight. Ba fanculo man. You seem like a good person and a good husband. You didn't park your ass on the sofa and just watch your wife run around. And you're not a mind reader so I don't see any harm in asking her what she needed help with. If you probably went and starting doing something on your own she'd have something to say about that....OMG what you're doing is pointless! now you just made more of a mess for me to clean up. I know women like that. Don't be hard on yourself.

 

[lymbo]

sorry I don't understand?
[/QUOT
what ls the sollutyon?

 

[Bruceleelives1969]

Nutshell:

Chronicly depressed. Married rashly. Had kids because i said I wanted kids, just so I could be with someone. Wife wanted a Christian for a husband, so I became one. Mistake.

My life is a lie. But my wife had so much trauma in the past, CTB would devastate her. And one of my kids, for sure, would never get over it.

I just want out. But it's a no win.


I seriously thought I could do a stat dose today and CTB. But I didn't want my family to associate Thanksgiving with my passing.

I feel the same way.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

Long story about marrying rashly.

And, yes, lots and lots of people here at SS have far more real reasons to CTB. And, yes, I have more support. I've also got mental health issues with prevent me from talking about it.

You're right, though, there are many times I feel like I shouldn't be here, simply because I'm better off. Perhaps I'll leave everyone alone.

Don't let others belittle your reasons. They don't know your life story, nor what is affecting you and they should neither judge nor turn it into a competition. There are many stories on here and through research, that those that are 'well off' are sometimes the ones that go through things the worst, if for different reasons.

Hope the day passed a little more smooth for you, despite the clusterfuck that this day brings, yearly. Always did find it funny how people will lose their shit to make a day about eating a bird 'perfect', just to turn right around and be willing to kill someone for a TV or some such right after. Priorities, right?

 

[EndItQuickly]

Nutshell:

Chronicly depressed. Married rashly. Had kids because i said I wanted kids, just so I could be with someone. Wife wanted a Christian for a husband, so I became one. Mistake.

My life is a lie. But my wife had so much trauma in the past, CTB would devastate her. And one of my kids, for sure, would never get over it.

I just want out. But it's a no win.


I seriously thought I could do a stat dose today and CTB. But I didn't want my family to associate Thanksgiving with my passing.

Man, this is like looking into my future tragjectoy exactly minus the christian part. I feel for you, so sorry you've been put in that position :( but you know what is best for you.

 

[TowerUpright]

You guys and gals have no idea how much your support means to me. Also, today's went smoother than I anticipated. Must be the benzos... Lol.

Love you all, people.

Happy Thanksgiving..