Venting Thanks for reading me

[laeloth]

Hello everyone

I think I'll get this over with before the year is out. I can't take this life anymore. I am in my late 40s, my childhood sucked and half my life has been spent taking antidepressants and anxiolytics. I think I'm an alcoholic too. He can drink 5 liters of beer (and with medication) and you will see me so normal. I almost fell into an alcoholic coma once after a night of drunkenness with friends. I just remember passing out in the car and suddenly showing up in the ER with a serum injected into my vein.

I no longer expect anything from life, it seems that I have known the game of it for years, but social pressure makes you play to remain in the standards of what western society considers appropriate.

I have a garbage job, abusive rent, and often do not get my salary at the end of the month. Life has become more competitive and I fear that it is due to the great economic reset that they have prepared for us with the COVID19 crisis, we will get worse.

Honestly, I have done almost nothing of what I wish I had done in this life and that being physically healthy. Depression, anxiety and phobias have destroyed this sensitive human that all he wanted was to live in peace. I can't understand how most people see this "normal" world. It is practically a Darwinian hell where we absolutely destroy our entire ecosystem and ourselves.

I just hope the NS works. I had thought about having an observer but on second thought, I think I'll do a goodbye thread and that's it. I really want to go through this alone and make it work. I only ask for that.

Thanks for listening to this complainer you have as a member.

 

[Isadeth]

I'm sorry you're enduring this. Do you already have your sn? I can't say much in the way of anything to help your situation or viewpoints, but I hear you ♡

 

[laeloth]

I'm sorry you're enduring this. Do you already have your sn? I can't say much in the way of anything to help your situation or viewpoints, but I hear you ♡

Thanks a lot. Yes, I have my SN, no antiemetics nor do I think I get them, maybe an antacid.

 

[shijsrzh]

I feel you. I really feel you. Especially the parts about society.
I think it is safe to assume that the problem we all face is being way too sensitive for such an Orwellian world. It is no longer dystopia, but reality. Me personally, I have witnessed the shift from normal to an Orwellian world in my respective country. I remember things being fairly alright and behaviour still being pretty human(e) in my childhood. Then depression hit me for 9 years (other reasons) and as I woke up, I found myself in this state of the world. This broke me completely over the course of the last year and I am now ready to face death.

But enough about that. What I wanted to say is this: Know that what you feel and what you have in mind is ALRIGHT AND COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED. Death is your choice and yours alone to make. And don't let anyone tell you to pull yourself together or some other crap. I feel your suffering and would firmly embrace you as a brother, if only I could.
Part of my personal suffering is also because of my environment and job situation. I understand you a hundred percent in that regard.
I'm sending you love and wish, that should you decide to kill yourself, you may finally find the peace you seek and deserve.

 

[laeloth]

I feel you. I really feel you. Especially the parts about society.
I think it is safe to assume that the problem we all face is being way too sensitive for such an Orwellian world. It is no longer dystopia, but reality. Me personally, I have witnessed the shift from normal to an Orwellian world in my respective country. I remember things being fairly alright and behaviour still being pretty human(e) in my childhood. Then depression hit me for 9 years (other reasons) and as I woke up, I found myself in this state of the world. This broke me completely over the course of the last year and I am now ready to face death.

But enough about that. What I wanted to say is this: Know that what you feel and what you have in mind is ALRIGHT AND COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED. Death is your choice and yours alone to make. And don't let anyone tell you to pull yourself together or some other crap. I feel your suffering and would firmly embrace you as a brother, if only I could.
Part of my personal suffering is also because of my environment and job situation. I understand you a hundred percent in that regard.
I'm sending you love and wish, that should you decide to kill yourself, you may finally find the peace you seek and deserve.

Thank you very much brother. A hug