Sinkinshyp
Paragon
- Sep 7, 2020
- 947
In 2 days I'm going to try a self ban if I can't self ban I'll just do the deactivate and make another account should I want to return. I'm putting this in recovery because well.. it's the best place to put it.
I had a heart attack a month ago. All I knew was I had a heart attack and my troponin was very high, it kept going up each time they checked it. I sat alone in my hospital room going what if I die here alone? what will this do to my son? and I've spent the last month thinking about it all. I would leave my son with a lot of regrets and what ifs. I would potentially ruin his life. For that reason I MUST find a way to focus on healing.
I grew up in an abusive home. I remember my 1st suicide attempt was 12. I have been through so much in my life that was meant to destroy me- but I was a phoenix coming out of it all stronger. At 20 life gave me reason to live. My older son and I died the day he did in a car accident. My story is out here all over the forum. sometimes things that we think are destroying us is only going to make us stronger in the end. We don't see it that way when it's happening but later down the road we see it. We learn from it. before my son died I told my kids-life is a learning lesson. Learn 1 and on to the next. I just don't see what lessons are left for me to learn after I died with my son. Death is final. Try all you can-even if it's 10 doctors, 10 meds a move. If you want to recover do what ever you need to.
I wish everyone the best with everything. I hope you all find a way to recovery and you find whatever you are seeking. I want to thank everyone for the love and support I have found here. I came here as a bereaved mother, not very common on here and I have found nothing but compassion, friends that will be with me forever and so much kindness. We are all broken in one way or another yet we support eachother with kindness. The world would be a much better place if it took lessons from this forum. Best of everything to all of you... and hugs because sometimes a hug helps
I had a heart attack a month ago. All I knew was I had a heart attack and my troponin was very high, it kept going up each time they checked it. I sat alone in my hospital room going what if I die here alone? what will this do to my son? and I've spent the last month thinking about it all. I would leave my son with a lot of regrets and what ifs. I would potentially ruin his life. For that reason I MUST find a way to focus on healing.
I grew up in an abusive home. I remember my 1st suicide attempt was 12. I have been through so much in my life that was meant to destroy me- but I was a phoenix coming out of it all stronger. At 20 life gave me reason to live. My older son and I died the day he did in a car accident. My story is out here all over the forum. sometimes things that we think are destroying us is only going to make us stronger in the end. We don't see it that way when it's happening but later down the road we see it. We learn from it. before my son died I told my kids-life is a learning lesson. Learn 1 and on to the next. I just don't see what lessons are left for me to learn after I died with my son. Death is final. Try all you can-even if it's 10 doctors, 10 meds a move. If you want to recover do what ever you need to.
I wish everyone the best with everything. I hope you all find a way to recovery and you find whatever you are seeking. I want to thank everyone for the love and support I have found here. I came here as a bereaved mother, not very common on here and I have found nothing but compassion, friends that will be with me forever and so much kindness. We are all broken in one way or another yet we support eachother with kindness. The world would be a much better place if it took lessons from this forum. Best of everything to all of you... and hugs because sometimes a hug helps
