punkarmadillo
Member
- Jan 18, 2023
- 50
After me asking a very kind member sent me the link to SN,( I am not comfortable passing it on so so excuse me saying this) but you have no idea how much this has helped me, knowing I have the means available in at most a couple Of weeks. It has made me realise I need to think what effect it might have on my little girl, my elderly mother and my husband.
I am at the stage I don't give a flying f about me, but am I going to destroy the future of a little girl, or end the life of my mother in severe distress, leave my husband wondering if it was his fault if I have it and take it.
It has made me admit to my husband the situation as is. He knows it's circumstantial and I cannot for medical reasons have antidepressants and god love him he's trying, but I surely have to find more than living just in order not to destroy others. This is a shitty place to be, but I know if I had the SN in hand, I would take it in an instant if I was feeling distressed or angry, which isn't what I want to do.currently they are out, and I realise I have so much to say but no one to say it too. I don't even know what I have to say but I can't say it around a child, and possibly not to my husband.
but how do you vocalise over 40 years of hurt, pain, rejection, feelings, how do I remove progressive illness, the despondency to my own being to those who are trying.
Edited to add he doesn't know about the SN but knows I don't play. That if I make the decision and have the means there's no turning back
I am at the stage I don't give a flying f about me, but am I going to destroy the future of a little girl, or end the life of my mother in severe distress, leave my husband wondering if it was his fault if I have it and take it.
It has made me admit to my husband the situation as is. He knows it's circumstantial and I cannot for medical reasons have antidepressants and god love him he's trying, but I surely have to find more than living just in order not to destroy others. This is a shitty place to be, but I know if I had the SN in hand, I would take it in an instant if I was feeling distressed or angry, which isn't what I want to do.currently they are out, and I realise I have so much to say but no one to say it too. I don't even know what I have to say but I can't say it around a child, and possibly not to my husband.
but how do you vocalise over 40 years of hurt, pain, rejection, feelings, how do I remove progressive illness, the despondency to my own being to those who are trying.
Edited to add he doesn't know about the SN but knows I don't play. That if I make the decision and have the means there's no turning back
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