Thank you guys and girls.

[The nerd]

I wish I found you all sooner. Such a warm loving place. I have only been a member now going on two days, but the stories and articles I have been addicted to since I found ya'll has really opened up my eyes. I am planning on SN tomorrow whenever my shipment comes. I have ibuprofen, esomeprazole magnesium, and antacid tablets. Hoping this is enough as I am in a hurry. I lost my job due to stupid decisions I made to impress brass and help the company. Decisions that could hurt me legally. I have been trying to see and find answers online if I would be liable or the company, but everything is vague. I don't need people showing up at my house to take me away, in front of my kids and wife, so I am going to remove the option and take myself out. My biggest fear is being imprisoned for years. Would rather be dead, but I am afraid of dying. I want it here but don't want to go through the process. I am freaking out. My poor wife and kids are going to be alone....I am making subtle preparations to pay things up so they will have a few months to not worry for anything. I just can't take the chances of going away. I am an idiot and a failure in life. This is my only option. Will what I purchased be good enough to get the job done? I have no time to wait.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Maybe consult a lawyer? It might not be that bleak. When one door is closed, others might open.

I wish you peace in whatever decision you make.

 

[Jean Améry]

I agree with PDAnne2610: I think you should seek out professional legal advice before taking such drastic action. I will never deny it is your right but given that you have a wife and children I would wait for definite information about your liability and possible legal action before CTB'ing.

It's clear you find yourself in a bind. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Skyview]

Read the SN guide , will find it in "Resources,"
Esomeprazole Magnesium is a PPI , read Stan's guide about PPI . An antiemetic such as Metoclopramide is much more preferable.
As others have stated , seek legal advice first and foremost in regards to your options and then and only then make a decision . Family comes first , look after them !

 

[Brick In The Wall]

As stated above consult legal advice, but ultimately no one can make this decision for you. You're the only one who knows how serious this situation potentially is.

A few years in jail would be tragic to your family. But leaving this life would be much more tragic. I hope you find a solution that works best for you either way.

 

[Jean4]

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

 

[WaitingAround2Die]

I can only imagine how it feels to fear being prosecuted, and I know how it feels to want to CTB...

BUT

is it not possible to delay your plans and seek legal advice as suggested by other members?

 

[Return2Dust]

Agree. Call a lawyer ASAP. Prepare to bond out. You should have time. You can make this decision while out on bail. There are so many people who have gone to jail for white collar crimes and didn't crumble. (I'm assuming this is a WC thing). The choice to CTB now is entirely yours, just don't panic while planning. Attempts made in haste tend to land people in the hospital. Also, you want to do this for your family, think about timing with the holidays. Things to consider. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[EmptyArms]

I'm so sorry that you are between this terribly difficult rock and hard place. I imagine that I would feel terror and shame at the prospect of jail too. I really feel for you. I'm going to try to advocate for your wife and children however. If you were my husband I couldnt get over you leaving me in this way. I would be thinking we were in this together, we would have faced it together but you haven't given me a say in how this ends, or a chance to help work it out as a couple, or as a family. My heart would be broken.
My ex partner ctb and my poor son has never recovered. It has shaped his life and his world view. He feels that he wasnt enough to make his dad stay. He struggled with suicidal feelings as an adult, although not only because of this, but I think that was the start for him.
I'm sorry to say that it's my belief that your children's needs come before your own in this case. I'm sorry if this isnt what you want, or need to hear right now. The job of being a parent carries such a burden of responsibility sometimes. I'm certain they will forgive you for going to jail, if indeed it comes to that, im not sure if they will forgive you for leaving them forever.

I wish you great courage and strength.

You can pm me if you want to ask me anything, or just talk.
There are so many clever, kind and wise people here from all professions in life that could perhaps offer you practical advice too. Maybe there are solutions to be found.

 

[The nerd]

You guys are making me cry. Ty for all the positive comments.

 

[Return2Dust]

You guys are making me cry. Ty for all the positive comments.

Reach out to a criminal defense lawyer tomorrow. Tell them everything. They'll tell you where you stand and be prepared to bail you out IF the need arises. I don't know what your facing, but a decent Prosecutor will let you do a walkthrough (turn yourself in) without the cuffs in front of the children. Then again, things might not be as bad as you imagined and the company has the liability - only a CD lawyer can tell you.

 

[TowerUpright]

Assuming your legal troubles aren't criminal, you have some time. Find a lawyer and lay it out. If nothing else, you'd have certainty of where you stand. Also, do you have finances for your family?? Regardless, double check your social security benefit for them. Again, whatever decision you make should be made with the most information available and not rushed.

If your issue is in the tech field, feel free to PM me. I could try to give as much of an unbiased opinion as I can.

 

[Cevapcici]

I am an idiot and a failure in life. This is my only option.

No it's not, it's clearly not ! You are making a very important decision under the effect of panic - not years of incurable mental or physical health issues , without any realistic prospects of recovery. We all fuck up badly at some point in our lives. I think EmptyArms said it all. I wish I could offer you some legal advice but all I can offer is my support. I don't know much about your relationship with your wife ...but is she aware of the situation ? Have you tried sharing your concerns with her ? From what transpires out of this post it doesn't seem like she's aware of what's going on in your life and in your mind....

 

[The nerd]

No it's not, it's clearly not ! You are making a very important decision under the effect of panic - not years of incurable mental or physical health issues , without any realistic prospects of recovery. We all fuck up badly at some point in our lives. I think EmptyArms said it all. I wish I could offer you some legal advice but all I can offer is my support. I don't know much about your relationship with your wife ...but is she aware of the situation ? Have you tried sharing your concerns with her ? From what transpires out of this post it doesn't seem like she's aware of what's going on in your life and in your mind....

She knows I want to end it, thats all. I don't need her to worry more if that's possible.

 

[Cevapcici]

She knows I want to end it, thats all. I don't need her to worry more if that's possible.

It's totally understandable that you'd want to shield her, but on the other hand...mutual support is one of the pillars of marriage. I feel it's more coming of a place of wanting to protect her, than being afraid of her reaction. If you know she's mature enough to face some ugly truths about you, there's no reason to be afraid to keep her updated on your faux pas and your prospects....she might even come up with suggestions you didn't think about...

 

[Jean4]

It's totally understandable that you'd want to shield her, but on the other hand...mutual support is one of the pillars of marriage. I feel it's more coming of a place of wanting to protect her, than being afraid of her reaction. If you know she's mature enough to face some ugly truths about you, there's no reason to be afraid to keep her updated on your faux pas and your prospects....she might even come up with suggestions you didn't think about...

I have to agree. My partner CTB 15 days ago. We never hid anything prior. Didn't hide this.

If I couldn't prepare myself and it was just sprung on me, I wouldn't be here right now.

 

[The nerd]

It's totally understandable that you'd want to shield her, but on the other hand...mutual support is one of the pillars of marriage. I feel it's more coming of a place of wanting to protect her, than being afraid of her reaction. If you know she's mature enough to face some ugly truths about you, there's no reason to be afraid to keep her updated on your faux pas and your prospects....she might even come up with suggestions you didn't think about...

It's complicated. I did something stupid, to benefit the company. Depends on the news I get tomorrow from them how I react. I told them I just want my life back, don't necessarily care about the job. I read about 'torts' and the like, so we'll see. Hope the company takes liability but I'm no legal expert.

 

[Cevapcici]

It's complicated. I did something stupid, to benefit the company. Depends on the news I get tomorrow from them how I react. I told them I just want my life back, don't necessarily care about the job. I read about 'torts' and the like, so we'll see. Hope the company takes liability but I'm no legal expert.

Crossing my fingers so everything turns out good for you buddy.

 

[TowerUpright]

Keep us posted. Hope all works out positively for you.

 

[The nerd]

Ty guys. I hope so too. I want to live. Just not in a cage. Especially with my intentions being to help others and my company in a dumb ass way. I truly want to live just not In a box on someone elses terms.

 

[Starrywaters]

I sense you are very panicked and anxious right now which often increases the chance of both a sudden and poorly planned attempt - I am not encouraging you to make any choices and I believe there's is help for everybody out there but please try and be careful. Don't make any quick decisions as you may end up poorer for it.

I agree with others, contact a lawyer; see where you stand, it might not be as bad as you think.

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

Worst case, if you got arrested, would you be able to make bail? That could buy you some time to see this out.

 

[The nerd]

Worst case, if you got arrested, would you be able to make bail? That could buy you some time to see this out.

No. Not at all. I need this quickly.

 

[Tinhoo]

I hope the best for you
you hope you will think in a good choice that please you most !!

 

[Mloureiro]

I work at a major law firm. Seek a lawyer firt, they can solve anything, believe me and think about your family, your kids, wife, day of the year. We are here whatever you decide, of course. But don't be impulsive

 

[Jean4]

It's complicated. I did something stupid, to benefit the company. Depends on the news I get tomorrow from them how I react. I told them I just want my life back, don't necessarily care about the job. I read about 'torts' and the like, so we'll see. Hope the company takes liability but I'm no legal expert.

We will be here when you get that answer if you want to talk.

 

[The nerd]

We will be here when you get that answer if you want to talk.

Just a waiting game. My thing is, I can't get out of my own head. I am liquored up, and ready to sleep through the night hopefully for once. Tomorrow the SN comes along with my makeshift OTC meds. If the news is bad, I am done.

 

[Jean4]

Just a waiting game. My thing is, I can't get out of my own head. I am liquored up, and ready to sleep through the night hopefully for once. Tomorrow the SN comes along with my makeshift OTC meds. If the news is bad, I am done.

We won't try to stop you and good or bad we are here to talk to and will support your choice.

 

[The nerd]

We won't try to stop you and good or bad we are here to talk to and will support your choice.

I love this forum. Wish I found it sooner. Such good people. Truly great people. I hope to not have to do it but it beats a cage.