Venting Telling yourself

[mayHeCurseUsAll]

I feel disingenuous talking to myself at this point because of how unreliable a narrator I have become. Obviously this is a relatable sentiment amongst people with mental illnesses, I feel like such a piece of shit for doing my best and still circling right back to the same state of mind that is so burdensome to other people who are likely doing their best to still listen to this inconsistent husk of a human.

I want to believe things are getting better and for even a month long period in the past I have felt this way but the same tendencies always find their way back into my life and whether it's because life is fucked or I am I'm at my wits end when it comes to developing strategies to "fix" things. It feels like the strategy itself of developing new strategies to fix myself time and time again is insane because it ends up keeping me physically alive but ultimately breaks what's left of me down more and more.

Just had to vent somewhere and this felt like the most appropriate place.

 

[FuneralCry]

I see hope as often just leading to more suffering. I know that when things get worse it can be a dreadful feeling. I see life as mostly just being pain and disappointment. Positive things never seem to last. This life can be very tiring as we have to live with ourselves and our thoughts can torture us. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best.