telling therapist about sh and wanting to ctb

[caraphernelia]

I recently relapsed after being 170 days clean of sh which is the longest time i've been clean since i started cutting. i want to tell my therapist about it but i'm also worried about what she will say, she's pretty understanding but idk how to bring it up, i feel really guilty about it but i still have the urge to do more which is making me feel even worse. i also want to talk to her about my recent suicidal thoughts since they have been getting stronger but i'm scared of what will happen if i tell her. any advice on what i should do is appreciated :)

 

[sadbeans]

Have you told her about sh before? For me, I just barged into my counsellor's office and said "I have something to tell you. I have a history of sh and just relapsed". The counsellor was a bit taken aback but dealt with it pretty professionally. She asked about methods and where I cut. Then scheduled sessions where we tried to pinpoint the motivations behind sh and all that. Most therapists are trained to face these things and if you trust the therapist there really is no wrong way to tell her. She'll be able to lead the conversation if you don't know what to say after you've told her. I have felt that guilt before, and you probably already know this but it's their job to hear these things and help you through it. She will not be disappointed in you or blame you for relapsing. All the best in telling your therapist about this, if she's someone who is really trustworthy, then you won't regret it.

 

[NoHorizon]

I'm always for being as honest with a therapist as possible. They can't try and help you if you're keeping things from them that are affecting you. I understand that it's intimidating to think about though as you don't know what their reaction will be.

 

[AnonGermany]

I recently relapsed after being 170 days clean of sh which is the longest time i've been clean since i started cutting. i want to tell my therapist about it but i'm also worried about what she will say, she's pretty understanding but idk how to bring it up, i feel really guilty about it but i still have the urge to do more which is making me feel even worse. i also want to talk to her about my recent suicidal thoughts since they have been getting stronger but i'm scared of what will happen if i tell her. any advice on what i should do is appreciated :)

In my experience its about "how do you deliver the message".

You can and should talk about everything with your therapist (if you guys get along). Selfharm is something that unfortunately can happen again any time. Its a Symptom and its their Job.
The most important Part when it happens is that you take care of the wounds. This can happen by yourself or even with the help of a doctor/nurse.

Depending on what you say to them though they will have to send you to a psych ward for your own safety.

If you say "i cant be trusted At home I am afraid that im gonna kill myself" they will send you against your will, because they have to by law.
If you say "unfortunately i had a self harm incident again, i couldnt Help it, i was so stressed and needed a Relief." is a different Story.
If you say "sometimes i think about suicide, and how i would want to go, because i dont know what else I could do" is also ok. But its critical that you dont say "yea i have everything needed and planned it for friday" - because then you will get send.

This will depend on you. If the doc thinks you cant be trusted with yourself they will send you to a ward.

By all means this doesnt mean it is bad though. Maybe you are at a point in your life where u just need a visit there, a time off from your current real life situation.

I wish you all the best. I am proud of you that you can feel and point at your SH urges coming up again, and yell for help. It is such a burden that nobody should suffer alone without help. Do not be ashamed about this ever.

 

[dialogos]

Good advice up there so I'll keep quiet

 

[Praestat_Mori]

@AnonGermany said it very well! In the end it's up to you what you tell your therapist and if you think that in the worst case a stay in a psych ward can help you to recover then that is also perfectly fine. You are free to decide whatever is best for you.

I wish you all the best whichever way you decide to go!

 

[caraphernelia]

thank you all for your advice , my next therapy appointment is in about 2 weeks so i will try to have a good talk with her about it then. i really appreciate the kind words