the story isn't complete but i'll write it here. some parts might be off by a few years because im on so many meds that my memory is fucked but the gist should still be the same.
TW: self harm, child abuse and suicide attempts
i got born. yay. what a blessing.
i turned 7 and went online for the first time. i was the victim of graphic online sexual abuse that i have never been able to open up about.
when i was 9, i wrote my first suicide note.
when i was 11, i started seriously considering suicide.
when i turned 13 it started passively (e.g sitting on the edge of the roof, walking across the road without looking).
when i turned 14 i had my first attempt where i was hospitalized for the night. i started self-harming. i started therapy.
when i was 15 my first very serious attempt. i was in hospital for a week because my liver was failing. fortunately they saved it but i now deal with chronic pain along with other issues from this.
i was then in a psychiatric ward for a month and started my journey with medication.
that year i attempted suicide many many many times and was in and out of the hospital and psych ward. my self-harm also escalated to the point where i got stitches every single week.
the pattern continued until i was 17, and met my first love.
he was everything. 8 months into our relationship he was diagnosed with cancer.
he died shortly after and i dont want to go into more detail. the cancer did not kill him.
it was very very very traumatic and my life fell apart. i started doing the same things i had been doing before him.
this year, i have been sent to a long term facility for at least 6 months. im hoping i can find recovery this year, and i have to say i would consider myself recovering from anorexia and a crippling self-harm addiction as well as anxiety.
my main problem is BPD, which i dont know if ill be able to improve. but for the other conditions like depression i have hope.
its possible, i know people who really have recovered and it is the most beautiful thing.
we got this. we're not alone.
keep fighting :)