Discussion Taw122's ultimate ctb checkmate

[TAW122]

I can't think of a more proper title, so I came up with one on the whim, but basically, it's my contingency plan for if or when things go to shit, I have a way out (via a firearm). With that said, while I have my method, I've sorta entered a state of standby. I wouldn't call it a recovery necessarily because my life in general sucks, but my redeeming hope is that I have a reliable way out if things really go to absolute shit. Also, as a firearms owner, I also have a big responsibility and must also be careful of what I say or do (nothing to incriminate, nothing to set off red flags, etc.) Anyways, here is my checkmate contingency plan:

TAW122's ultimate checkmate:

• If I run out money and become homeless, well I would ctb rather than face homelessness.
• If there were anyone who learns that I own a firearm (particularly a shotgun), which is unlikely but never impossible (like other acquaintances or word of mouth - indirectly, etc.). Then I have the 2A argument/constitutional right, law abiding citizen, I will never mention my true intentions (to ctb), and recreation reasons, collection hobby reasons, etc.
  
• If anyone tries to take my gun away (illegally), be it family, friends, or whatnot, I got the law on my side. (Plus I got receipts and serial # of the firearm so I got that covered) Afaik, larceny of a firearm is a felony so yeah if anti-gun people think they got a way out, well congrats they have become a felon and their life is fucked.
  
• If anyone tries to make some false accusation of me being mentally unfit, or other danger to self/others bullshit, I'll defend my right via the law and of course they can be in trouble for filling false reports. I may also consider taking legal action for slander/libel, defamation if what they say or do causes me harm in other areas. Also, afaik NC doesn't have a red flag law, but other states do (MD, CA, NY, OR, IL, FL to name a few). Thank god I don't live in them!
• If I ever get evicted or what not, then I'd rather deal with that civil matter than to ever lose my firearms. Also, I would choose to reside in apartments (if I ever move in the future) that allow firearms (up to the landlord, property managers, etc.)
• If I ever become unhealthy enough (physical illness, diseases, etc.) where my quality of life is continually regress or deteriorate, then I'll ctb before I become really crippled. I don't intend to live until old age, dying uncomfortably in a hospice care center or fighting for permission (that is unlikely to be granted) from the state or medical facility to peacefully pass.
• Ultimately, I will follow the law and all regulations (local, state, federal) in order to keep my firearm, stay out of trouble or sketchy situations, keep calm (knowing I have a way out of this life now), never speak of dangerous topics, try my best to keep all red flags hidden and avoid red flags, and protect my method at all costs.

So with all that said, I think I got all my bases thoroughly covered. Let me know if there are any other angles that I haven't covered yet.

Bonus information (which may explain my line of reasoning and thinking):
As a child, when I grew up, my parents are often very restrictive and authoritarian. They rarely ever let me do the things I want and oftenly verbally abuse me (and when I was younger my father physically beat me for even minor infractions such as not doing well in school, playing too long on a video game, etc.). Also, during my life, I was bullied, rarely if ever respected, always the laughing stock and butt of jokes. I never had success socially let alone scored any relationship (I was single and still am). To be honest, I've given up on any attempts to score relationships and what not, it's such a waste of effort and time. Therapy and mental health are a joke and so are normies and pro-lifers.

So the conclusion is that the root cause of my problems is I've always lacked control and power in my life, furthermore, coupled with poor treatment by society, family, and fellow peers. With a firearm that I've legally obtained, I finally have the power to control my life, quit society's stupid game (as long as I don't set off red flags or lose my method), and die on my own terms. I also thank and share Keith Emerson's woes, as well as Wilkes McDermid's woes. With all that said, here is a powerful quote from Invictus by William Ernest Henley to consider:

"I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my destiny."

Some additional thoughts:
Life may not be fair, but death is fair as all life will lead to death (at some point).

There may not be justice in my life, but upon death, justice is irrelevant.

Death is a state of unconscious and the absence of life, which there is no more pleasure nor suffering, but rather a state of neutrality.

No need to argue with brickwalled pro-life people in real life, I have my method and can exit at any given time.

No need to wait for the government to legalize voluntary euthanasia (which of course wouldn't likely happen at least not in our lifetimes given how things are going in the US).

No need to get non-existent permission from doctors and medical professionals to be euthanized. I can check out on my own time, when I decided my health isn't worth improving.

I may be single, but that doesn't matter because when I'm dead, it would be irrelevant.

I may be disappointed in many things, but can no longer be disappointed in the state of death.

If I fail at many things in life, there is one thing that I know I will succeed at and that is death on my own terms.

 

[TiredHorse]

My one suggestion to you would be to research firearm storage requirements, which are becoming more common. You can get in trouble for just keeping a gun in your closet with no provision to prevent its theft, or its use if it is stolen.

Generally all you need is a gun lock: either a cable lock that you run through the gun's action, or a trigger lock to prevent the trigger being pulled. Since you bought the gun new, it probably came with one. I urge you to use it, not because I think they do much good, but so that if anything goes sideways, you've got that legal box checked.

It's amazing how having that control over your own destiny can make a difference, isn't it? I will admit, there is part of me that hopes this allows you to take a step back away from catching the bus. It would be nice to hear of someone here finding the necessary element that makes it possible for them to keep living.

And part of me likes the idea of gun ownership saving the life of someone who is suicidal. That would certainly be a poke in the eye of a few political narratives.

 

[TAW122]

I'll put a lock on the action. I've also kept it hidden away covered in books and other clutter so nobody will find out unless they are really, really nosy. Also, since it's in a high shelf, the cleaning maid (who cleans the whole house) doesn't go there only the floor of the closet. Also, the neighborhood I live in is pretty safe and pretty low crime (no crime reported around where I reside in the last year or so).

And part of me likes the idea of gun ownership saving the life of someone who is suicidal. That would certainly be a poke in the eye of a few political narratives.

Indeed, this is quite the contrary to some of the gun control narratives. The logic behind it might be confusing to people, but I guess I'll try to explain it to make some sense of it (logically speaking). For some people, the lack of control and power, feeling trapped could be linked to their life circumstances and even the events that occurred in their past. In my case, specifically since I lacked control in my life, couldn't find a way out, I was tormented for a long time. However, since I actually have a way out and know that I could always check out/access it at any given moment should I choose to, gives me the freedom to actually live a bit. It's ironic and not accepted by the majority because they always view that suicidal ideation and means as some sort of mental illness rather than a means of coping.

 

[ouvreyes]

Grats man, must be a nice feeling. Stay vigilant, but I hope the security gives you room for a breather in your life. You sound very prepared for all the hypotheticals. Happy for you.

 

[TAW122]

Thanks and yes I will be very vigilant as owning a firearm is a big responsibility and also, I want to keep my method whenever the worst shit has hit my fan.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

That's a lot of thinking. Being plagued with that is another thing that makes me wish to die.

I live in an apartment and don't care whether they allow firearms or not. If I want one, I'll get one.

 

[TAW122]

That's a lot of thinking. Being plagued with that is another thing that makes me wish to die.

I live in an apartment and don't care whether they allow firearms or not. If I want one, I'll get one.

I believe the worst thing apartment management or the landlord/lady can do is to evict you and that would require them to go through a formal process (court and legal action) to do that, which will require their time and you will also be given time to move out/vacant the unit. Plus, if you decide to go that route, just bring the firearm in a non-range bag, unloaded into the apartment, and don't tell anyone about it while living in an apartment that doesn't allow firearms. There are some states that have laws that prevent landlords/ladies from putting a ban on firearms on their lease.

 

[Vegrau]

Well said if a life not worth living why continue. No need to make everyone suffer any longer. Life isnt just about living. But also quality and meaning to it. Company by people who understand. I am sorry to only learn of your situation. Chinese family are always complicated. Seeing I am in one myself. But glad you have access to gun. I would had ctb myself long ago if I have gun.

 

[TAW122]

Also just to clarify some things, I don't have any plans on improving my situation, my expectations and goals are at an all time low, I'm just waiting until things become unbearable then I'm going to off myself. I've made various threads that goes into details of the things that I cannot change, obtain, improve on that I've pretty much just resigned myself to accept defeat. I guess you could say I'm just passively living through until some big, nasty catalyst pushes me over the edge and I finally ctb. In the interim, I'll do what I can here to help others on here, give advice on guns, other methods (the ones I know of), and generally have interesting, intellectual discussions and quality threads.

Anyways, here is just a short list of the things I've given up, can't change, or reasons of ctb'ing.

TAW122's hopeless situation (brief outline):

• Pretty much ForeverAlone (FA) in terms of friends, especially close friends, and even getting into a relationship is just an unicorn fantasy.
• I don't want to wageslave until I die or unable to work. The mindless grind is just too much.
  
• Therapy and mental health has been a sham, a joke (have multiple threads ranting about it).
  
• Religion has caused me problems when I was younger, and when I was older, more problems and no relief.
  
• Don't want to die bed ridden, wasting away in a nursing home nor hospice (shitty, slow way to die).
  
• Fell short of other achievements (I had many dreams and big goals, both in music, academia, and what not), too late to achieve those.

The only redeeming factor is that I have a very reliable, near 100% successful method of exiting and being able to exit painlessly or minimal discomfort. Also that I can die on my own terms and on my own time. Just to add to the original post and in regards to being single and isolated, I suppose one advantage is that when I'm isolated and not too close to people is that they are less likely to interfere with my plans, method, business, and also never have to suffer through the shit that couples, people in relationships suffer though (break ups, fights, domestic abuse/violence, etc.). In addition to that, having less people close to me also means less impact of sadness when I actually do ctb.

So all of that is just additional thoughts that I've thought about from the original post.