Story Talked with a friend and got a small reality check

[SanguineShark]

One of my best friends recently told me she's finally able to get off her antidepressants and overall is in the process of healing, her bff commited ctb a year ago and it was extremely painful to her. I can see her recovery and she's a very special person in my life.. she is very traumatized after what's happened, she mentions sometimes that she doesn't really make friends with depressed people anymore and that she tries to surround herself by people who bring her up and not down.... I feel like by committing ctb I'd just, erase all of this progress she made. I'd just obliterate her mental health back to the bottom... and I really don't want to hurt her like that. I'm rethinking my choices, and considering going to a mental hospital.

 

[Remeer]

It is good that you are aware of that and it allows you to see a different option, since suicide certainly causes a lot of suffering in the immediate circle, even if one ignores that fact when pain floods us
I hope the visit to the mental hospital works out for you
any suffering you have could share it here or write it in a kind of "diary", it helps to release that
greetings, be well

 

[SanguineShark]

It is good that you are aware of that and it allows you to see a different option, since suicide certainly causes a lot of suffering in the immediate circle, even if one ignores that fact when pain floods us
I hope the visit to the mental hospital works out for you
any suffering you have could share it here or write it in a kind of "diary", it helps to release that
greetings, be well

I heard a quote once that really hit me deep - "Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go."

I knew that bff that committed suicide as well, we hit it off extremely well and got along. Sadly after like 4 days of extreme bonding, she died. I was extremely affected as well, just screaming and crying, getting paranoid and overall I was not ok. I still think about her sometimes, even though I didn't know her long, I miss her a lot. I'm aware a lot of us think we're not loved, but I can see the effort my friends put to help me after I started showing clear signs for being unwell. They wouldn't try this much if they didn't care, and I'd hurt them a lot... I still am suicidal, I just feel like maybe I shouldn't right now, maybe I should at least try going to a mental hospital.