talk to someone about it

[lauretta]

Hi friends, I made a grave mistake. I confided in someone that I'm thinking about suicide, and since he's an ex-boyfriend, he accused me of saying it to blackmail him. I just wanted to tell him something that was on my heart. He blocked my messages and went to the police to read everything. For me, this is a personal matter, and I trusted him. I'm suffering so much, and I feel ashamed and it bothers me to be considered crazy when I only understood that life is pointless. Furthermore, today I went through a bereavement, and this made everything worse. I never open up to anyone, and I'm heartbroken for not being understood. I hug you. I'm crying all my tears.

 

[capi]

ah.. i opened up about suicide too with people and they thought i was just being manipulative as well.
God why is this so common and horrible? I never opened up to anyone either.

If this will help, the police most likely wont do anything (criminally wise)
If you get a welfare check just keep a cool head.
After events like this, our trust in basic humanity is broke. the best we can do is let go of people who perceive us in such a way; and stand our ground, knowing we genuinely needed help.

 

[lauretta]

No, the police don't do anything. I live in Italy, and even if you're raped or abused, no one takes action. However, it hurt me deeply that he let strangers read my messages, which were written for him and with so much pain, in a cold office. I didn't want to manipulate him or get him back, but simply tell him how I felt. It's terrible to be called a manipulator because you're talking about your emotions. Thank you so much for your reply. I even lied to the police, saying everything was fine, and it was an attempt at manipulation, not that they wanted to make me go to the hospital or anything. You know, I trusted him a lot, even though he'd abandoned me like a dog. I thought I was understood, but only here are people capable of understanding this.

 

[thatonegirl]

I've learned that people only feel bad for the suicidal once we're gone. If we survive, it has to be manipulation.

 

[Suicidalastronaut]

People think my suicidality is just manipulation but I'm actually just a massive pussy. But I'm hoping to prove them wrong very shortly

 

[HawkTalon]

I've learned that people only feel bad for the suicidal once we're gone. If we survive, it has to be manipulation.

It's all so fake, all so tiring. What even is this world

 

[lauretta]

I'll add that he never loved me the way I loved him, but I still thought he was someone I could talk to and show my own fragility. If you're fragile, you're just crazy and annoying. Unfortunately, I'm overly sensitive, and people don't understand my emotions... so I'm increasingly alone.

I've learned that people only feel bad for the suicidal once we're gone. If we survive, it has to be manipulation.

Exactly. If the attempt is successful, you become a kind of suffering martyr that everyone mourns. If you try to say you have this idea, you're manipulative. This is terrible, and I think the worst way to prevent suicide is to blame those who have these thoughts, as if they were doing it for fun. Then, calling the police is the worst thing because it increases the anxiety and makes them want to leave even more.

It's all so fake, all so tiring. What even is this world

You're right, the world is horrible. We may be a little problematic here, but at least I see some humanity among people. Sometimes a hug would be enough to make us feel better. Not much more.

People think my suicidality is just manipulation but I'm actually just a massive pussy. But I'm hoping to prove them wrong very shortly

We know it's not like that and you know it. We have the right to suffer without being judged.

 

[capi]

I'll add that he never loved me the way I loved him, but I still thought he was someone I could talk to and show my own fragility. If you're fragile, you're just crazy and annoying. Unfortunately, I'm overly sensitive, and people don't understand my emotions... so I'm increasingly alone.

Exactly. If the attempt is successful, you become a kind of suffering martyr that everyone mourns. If you try to say you have this idea, you're manipulative. This is terrible, and I think the worst way to prevent suicide is to blame those who have these thoughts, as if they were doing it for fun. Then, calling the police is the worst thing because it increases the anxiety and makes them want to leave even more.

You're right, the world is horrible. We may be a little problematic here, but at least I see some humanity among people. Sometimes a hug would be enough to make us feel better. Not much more.

We know it's not like that and you know it. We have the right to suffer without being judged.

I relate to your first paragraph a lot. In my last relationship it was the exact same experience. People scoffed me as crazy even though i had a hard working reputation.

For people like us imposter syndrome fills every corner.. was it our fault? Are we too much? Was being in pain wrong?

I myself and am working these thoughts out.. but i always try to stand my ground. I have needs even if they are sensitive. Even unfortunately, that will make me live alone…
Its a very lonely life for us. Suffering and emptiness is baseline.
But once we find a community who will listen.. it makes all the difference. Until then, realize you still have yourself, and you have always been with you in all these heartaches. She will always be there.

 

[lauretta]

I relate to your first paragraph a lot. In my last relationship it was the exact same experience. People scoffed me as crazy even though i had a hard working reputation.

For people like us imposter syndrome fills every corner.. was it our fault? Are we too much? Was being in pain wrong?

I myself and am working these thoughts out.. but i always try to stand my ground. I have needs even if they are sensitive. Even unfortunately, that will make me live alone…
Its a very lonely life for us. Suffering and emptiness is baseline.
But once we find a community who will listen.. it makes all the difference. Until then, realize you still have yourself, and you have always been with you in all these heartaches. She will always be there.

The worst thing you can do, and what I consider downright violent, is calling someone who's suffering crazy. Those who suffer obviously don't have "calm" reactions due to the emotions of the moment. But calling someone crazy in a negative and offensive sense is terrible. It causes you to fall into an abyss and is one of the reasons that made me consider suicide. I'll be more precise: I feign cheerfulness with people and they obviously consider me perfect, but with this man I had opened my soul, making my fragility and my need to be loved and understood known. Hearing myself called crazy made me lose the last hopes I had in others because, for me, he truly was a person to whom I could tell everything. But I was wrong, and today was the proof. For me, opening my soul to him was a gift of trust, but I wasn't understood.

 

[fuzzypeach]

im sorry. hugs

 

[lauretta]

Mi dispiace. Abbracci

Thanks. A big hug

 

[amor.dor]

I'm so sorry for you. Even among suicidal people, understanding is difficult. Talking to people outside of this sphere is almost impossible without you coming off as wrong or crazy. Sometimes, venting to a wall can be better than talking to ordinary people.

 

[capi]

The worst thing you can do, and what I consider downright violent, is calling someone who's suffering crazy. Those who suffer obviously don't have "calm" reactions due to the emotions of the moment. But calling someone crazy in a negative and offensive sense is terrible. It causes you to fall into an abyss and is one of the reasons that made me consider suicide. I'll be more precise: I feign cheerfulness with people and they obviously consider me perfect, but with this man I had opened my soul, making my fragility and my need to be loved and understood known. Hearing myself called crazy made me lose the last hopes I had in others because, for me, he truly was a person to whom I could tell everything. But I was wrong, and today was the proof. For me, opening my soul to him was a gift of trust, but I wasn't understood.

We all deserve to be seen, even our emotional sides. I just dont understand how people dont understand people who are in emotional states.

But the fact is. He could not give the support you were looking for. Thats just how it is, and how it will always be. And that hurts.
I grieve over that fact everyday with my ex. I dont know how i can trust another person. I dont even know if thats a good idea.

But i know that grief is a process, and the end stage is acceptance. If i live to that stage, hopefully i have the strength to trust another..

 

[Uncounted1846]

ah.. i opened up about suicide too with people and they thought i was just being manipulative as well.
God why is this so common and horrible? I never opened up to anyone either.

If this will help, the police most likely wont do anything (criminally wise)
If you get a welfare check just keep a cool head.
After events like this, our trust in basic humanity is broke. the best we can do is let go of people who perceive us in such a way; and stand our ground, knowing we genuinely needed help.

I opened up to my sister about feeling suicidal and I was met with silence. Luckily there's no guilt trip involved, but it still felt awful.

 

[lauretta]

Tutti meritiamo di essere visti, anche il nostro lato emotivo. Non capisco proprio come la gente non capisca chi è in preda a stati emotivi.

Ma il fatto è che non ha potuto darti il supporto che stavi cercando. È così che vanno le cose, e così sarà sempre. E questo fa male.
Ne parlo ogni giorno con il mio ex. Non so come posso fidarmi di un'altra persona. Non so nemmeno se sia una buona idea.

Ma so che il dolore è un processo, e la fase finale è l'accettazione. Se sopravvivo fino a quel punto, spero di avere la forza di fidarmi di un'altra persona.

Purtroppo non ci sarà un seguito per me perché sono determinata a decidere la mia fine. Oggi ho anche perso una persona cara. Non credo di farcela più... ma riprova. Sei una persona meravigliosa e si vede dalla tua sensibilità. Ma segui il mio consiglio: non parlare troppo di te stessa se non sei veramente sicura di chi stai parlando. La gente non capisce.

Mi dispiace tanto per te. Anche tra persone con tendenze suicide, capire è difficile. Parlare con persone esterne a questa sfera è quasi impossibile senza risultare sbagliati o pazzi. A volte, sfogarsi contro un muro può essere meglio che parlare con la gente comune.

Hai ragione, ma mi dispiace tanto che lui abbia pensato che lo stessi manipolando. Mi sono sentita ancora peggio.

Ho confessato a mia sorella i miei pensieri suicidi e mi ha accolto nel silenzio. Per fortuna non c'è stato alcun senso di colpa, ma mi sono sentito comunque male.

Ho confessato a mia sorella i miei pensieri suicidi e mi ha accolto nel silenzio. Per fortuna non c'è stato alcun senso di colpa, ma mi sono sentito comunque male.

I m very Sorry
Amici, scusate se scrivo in inglese con errori, ma sono italiano e con la sofferenza che sto vivendo in questo momento, non sono molto bravo a tradurre i miei pensieri. Mi scuso.

 

[aRose]

Sorry he did all that. He created such drama when he could have just LISTENED. It's super lame when ppl assume this is all about them and their comfort. Which is why I'm glad I found this space to vent.
Ironically I've told my soon to be ex husband I want to and plan to die several times since like June 2025 and he just ignores me. It's weird how some people who should care the most seem to want to see you dead while people who have no real connection can get all upset. Oh well.
I particularly hate talking to professionals cuz it's not like they can do fuck all but cause more trouble. The people who can help you fix you life are the ones actually in your life - not a paid MH counselor.

 

[lauretta]

Mi dispiace che abbia fatto tutto questo. Ha creato un tale dramma quando avrebbe potuto semplicemente ASCOLTARE. È davvero noioso quando la gente dà per scontato che tutto questo riguardi solo loro e il loro benessere. Ecco perché sono felice di aver trovato questo spazio per sfogarmi.
Ironicamente ho detto al mio futuro ex marito che voglio e ho intenzione di morire diverse volte da giugno 2025, e lui mi ignora. È strano come alcune persone a cui dovrebbe importare di più sembrino volerti vedere morto, mentre persone che non hanno un vero legame con te possano arrabbiarsi. Vabbè.
Detesto particolarmente parlare con i professionisti perché non possono fare un bel niente, anzi, possono solo causare più problemi. Le persone che possono aiutarti a sistemare la tua vita sono quelle che sono realmente presenti nella tua vita, non un consulente di salute mentale pagato.

Hai detto la parola giusta: ascolta. Forse si annoiava solo di me, non lo so. Il tuo ragazzo potrebbe avere paura di parlarne, ma credo che se non sai cosa dire o non sei capace di farlo, un abbraccio sia sufficiente e, soprattutto, non giudicare. Nessuno può conoscere veramente il nostro dolore e coinvolgere altre persone come la polizia è semplicemente umiliante.

 

[aRose]

Yes it's just insult to injury for sure!

 

[lauretta]

Sì, è sicuramente solo la beffa oltre il danno!

È terribile ricevere domande sulla propria sofferenza da estranei superficiali. Inoltre, volevo che ciò che ho scritto rimanesse tra noi.

 

[lauretta]

Amici, vorrei aggiungere che purtroppo non ci sono riuscito (sapete quanto è difficile), e quindi lui ha pensato che si trattasse di manipolazione. Se ci fossi riuscito, almeno mi avrebbe rispettato e avrebbe capito che ero sincero e non cercavo di essere compassionevole. Sono davvero incompetente. Ho letto tutti i metodi elencati qui, ma non riesco a metterne in pratica nessuno. Alcuni sono dolorosi, altri pericolosi, altri impossibili. Oggi pensavo al treno, ma non voglio che il macchinista si senta in colpa. Mi fa troppo male pensarci.