Pryras
Last hope
- Feb 11, 2020
- 451
How do I stop putting someone who hurt me on a high pedestal? I thought it would be rather easy by just remembering how awful they were as a person but it's not working and I'm still having trouble with it.
How do I stop putting someone who hurt me on a high pedestal? I thought it would be rather easy by just remembering how awful they were as a person but it's not working and I'm still having trouble with it.
I don't have a robust answer for you as I experience the same. It's actually a repeated cycle in my life which I'm actively having to overcome.
firstly, I would suggest YouTube videos about self worth and spirituality. They are very empowering.
For me, going forward, I will always remember and implement the phrase "Treat someone like a celebrity and they will treat you like a fan" into my life. The law of attraction theory might help you with this as well (it has done for me, making me realise no matter what, I am still a human like everyone else).
Anyway, I hope this helps and I can appreciate how hard it is. I've attached a couple of videos. The second one is about detaching from your twin flame, which may or may not resonate with you but either way it's good for detaching from the person. There are many other videos from these people which have been so helpful for me in dealing with being ghosted by a person I was unhealthily dependent on (not saying this is what is going on in your case but still might be worth a look)
Thank you for these ❤ I wish I could change my mindset and let go of people, it's really tough as you have experienced as well. It's so strange how much importance I can place on one person and not focus that on my own life instead.
If they are on a pedestal, then that means they are untouchable. Not touchable with anger or earned condemnation, or with being equal to them.
So I would suggest some exercises to make them touchable. To the brain, the symbolicism is interpreted as real, and because it's literally touchable, it will be more real than the imaginary pedestal.
Write their name on a piece of paper, put it on a surface lower than your heart, and touch it. Put it on the floor and stand on it. Print their photo and do the same, or pull up their photo on a mobile device, put it on the floor, and touch it with your toes.
Allow yourself to be angry at this person. Write their name (and maybe also what they did) on a piece of paper, tape it to the wall, and throw things at it. Or hang the paper from a string, and knock the paper/them/their actions down.
If he is taller, imagine standing on something so that you're taller than him, or imagine growing bigger than him. Imagine him dressed in clothes that are appropriate for the age he acts like -- toddler? baby? -- and shrink him down to that size as well.
Imagine him on the pedestal and putting tubes on him that drain his power, and putting tubes on the pedestal that drain it and shrink it.
After doing exercises like this, notice what information came up. Allow things to process. Notice if you think or feel differently about him and his actions after a few days, and repeat as necessary until he and they are in appropriate positions in your mind, heart, etc.
If they are on a pedestal, then that means they are untouchable. Not touchable with anger or earned condemnation, or with being equal to them.
So I would suggest some exercises to make them touchable. To the brain, the symbolicism is interpreted as real, and because it's literally touchable, it will be more real than the imaginary pedestal.
Write their name on a piece of paper, put it on a surface lower than your heart, and touch it. Put it on the floor and stand on it. Print their photo and do the same, or pull up their photo on a mobile device, put it on the floor, and touch it with your toes.
Allow yourself to be angry at this person. Write their name (and maybe also what they did) on a piece of paper, tape it to the wall, and throw things at it. Or hang the paper from a string, and knock the paper/them/their actions down.
If he is taller, imagine standing on something so that you're taller than him, or imagine growing bigger than him. Imagine him dressed in clothes that are appropriate for the age he acts like -- toddler? baby? -- and shrink him down to that size as well.
Imagine him on the pedestal and putting tubes on him that drain his power, and putting tubes on the pedestal that drain it and shrink it.
After doing exercises like this, notice what information came up. Allow things to process. Notice if you think or feel differently about him and his actions after a few days, and repeat as necessary until he and they are in appropriate positions in your mind, heart, etc.
Are you tied to this person by need ?
I don't really know why I'm feeling this way towards someone who's consistently proven how awful they are.
The way we process other people and our relationships with them is pretty complex so there's no easy answer. You need to give yourself time to establish internally how you see this person rather than just trying to assign a mental label to them. If you have history with them and used to like them a lot that won't just go away through logical reasoning and a single decision.
Best advice I can give here is to not try to force the way you think about them. Allow yourself to have positive thoughts about any good moments you shared with them while understanding that it's within your best interest to keep them out of your life. Over time you'll naturally adapt to your situation and find yourself able to move on. Best of luck with the situation.