Taking knife to ctb spot

[timetodie24]

Had visions of my ctb. When I go to the road I'll take a knife. Obviously I won't use it but it'll warn anyone off . I'll make my jump in front of lorry quick anyway so no one can intervene. But it will buy me extra time if needed as people will stay back if they see knife.

The voices today made it very clear to me that I am not to disclose anything about them to mental health practitioner (i.e covert abuser) next week. If I say too much they'll make me hurt that person to stop it going further. Had a panic attack because of it, and never have before, so I know they're serious.

 

[Begotten]

Pretty sure a knife won't make people stay back more likely they mobilize themselves to attack and stop you

 

[ferrie]

If you take a knife, someone is likely to call the police. I would also worry about losing control of your actions while in possession of a weapon. I know you don't want to hurt anyone. It would be terrible if something went wrong & you were made to lash out. The visions sound really distressing. I have panic attacks pretty frequently, so I know they're really horrible. Can you maybe ask the mental health provider for help avoiding future panic attacks even if you can't tell her everything that's going on? I've personally been on hydroxyzine for panic attacks before & it was very helpful. I hope you're doing as well as you can be right now

 

[timetodie24]

Pretty sure a knife won't make people stay back more likely they mobilize themselves to attack and stop you

If you take a knife, someone is likely to call the police. I would also worry about losing control of your actions while in possession of a weapon. I know you don't want to hurt anyone. It would be terrible if something went wrong & you were made to lash out. The visions sound really distressing. I have panic attacks pretty frequently, so I know they're really horrible. Can you maybe ask the mental health provider for help avoiding future panic attacks even if you can't tell her everything that's going on? I've personally been on hydroxyzine for panic attacks before & it was very helpful. I hope you're doing as well as you can be right now

I will keep it hidden unless someone gets close. And generally people are scared for their lives so will keep away. And I'll be too quick for police . And cops don't have guns here so they're all scared too. Accidentally slightly hurting someone would be acceptable if it saves others too

 

[ferrie]

I will keep it hidden unless someone gets close. And generally people are scared for their lives so will keep away. And I'll be too quick for police . And cops don't have guns here so they're all scared too. Accidentally slightly hurting someone would be acceptable if it saves others too

Are you sure? That doesn't sound how you usually talk about. Please keep in mind that cops are trained for this & will have tasers even if they don't have guns. They're unlikely to be afraid of a knife

 

[UKscotty]

Sounds like a great way to get locked up in the mental ward for 6 months.

Why do you need the knife? It's not like the movies, people generally don't care about suicide.

More likely is people will be telling you to hurry up and jump. Society wants us dead.

 

[timetodie24]

Sounds like a great way to get locked up in the mental ward for 6 months.

Why do you need the knife? It's not like the movies, people generally don't care about suicide.

More likely is people will be telling you to hurry up and jump. Society wants us dead.

I know people don't care. Have attempted before (not this method or would already be dead) so well aware people don't care. I'm more worried that to some people it might not be immediately obvious why someone is wandering road. E.g someone might think broken down somewhere or that i've just lost it . I'd imagine most people would just drive on and will be going too fast to notice. The road is too fast for people to stop suddenly .so just buys time if anyone calls police.

It's just incase , I will keep in hidden so if all goes to plan it'll make no difference. They won't section someone for having a knife, more likely to get arrested than sectioned. But it's fine as I will make sure I die. The knife isn't my choice, it was part of the vision so must be important. Idk exactly why yet. But not like there's any harm in having it there.

 

[timetodie24]

Are you sure? That doesn't sound how you usually talk about. Please keep in mind that cops are trained for this & will have tasers even if they don't have guns. They're unlikely to be afraid of a knife

That's true. Might buy me more time though. But hopefully won't need it at all.

Whatever happens- happens . At this point I just want to die. Maybe it's selfish but if others get hurt it's just part of the process. I trust those in control will protect others as much as possible though. I just follow, they'll do the rest

 

[ferrie]

That's true. Might buy me more time though. But hopefully won't need it at all.

Whatever happens- happens . At this point I just want to die. Maybe it's selfish but if others get hurt it's just part of the process. I trust those in control will protect others as much as possible though. I just follow, they'll do the rest

I'm not going to try to argue with you about it. I know that you are very firm in your beliefs. I also know though that on other threads you have been very distressed about the idea of being controlled and made to hurt people. I hope you consider that possibility and that the visions may not be trustworthy. I think it would cause a lot more suffering if you inadvertently hurt someone. You also seemed to believe that those controlling you would keep anyone else from being hurt, but today are saying it would just be part of the process. That doesn't sound like 100% your normal line of thinking