Help Switching Methods?

[15dec]

So, my preferred method is sn. It came today but it was early so my parents found it and my dad is threatening to involve the police (he thinks it's an illegal drug) unless me and my mum send him a video of it getting flushed down the toilet. My plan is to transfer some of it from the bag into another container, which I'm then going to hide in my room, so I'll still have enough to ctb when the antiemetics and tagamet arrive. Problem is, although I think I'll be hiding it quite well, I'm absolutely terrified that somehow my dad will find it and go nuts -he was physically abusive in the past, nearly hit my mum with his car when he stormed off earlier and my mum has even said that he'd kill her. Obviously since sn is legal I wouldn't be charged with anything if my dad involved the police but I can hardly explain why I would need it, and if they figured out my plan I might end up sectioned.

So I was thinking it might just be better to avoid all that mess and use the tourniquet method instead. My problem with that is that it'll be a lot harder to execute successfully and I'm scared of the consequences of failure, since it's much more severe than sn failure and easier to mess up. I also believe this would be louder and more noticeable than sn so I can't do it at night (which was the plan with sn) and trying to find time when I know for certain I'll be alone in the house is hard.

Either way I still have metoclopramide and tagamet coming, and if they come early like the sn did it'd very easily be a repeat of what's happened today. I have asked my parents not to take my parcels in the past and again today but I doubt they'll listen seeing as they think I'm importing illegal drugs now.

Honestly the whole situation just terrifies me and I want to ctb as soon as possible, the only way I can do that now is by risking sn without antiemetics or acid reducers (which would make failure much more likely) or the tourniquet. I'm really stuck on what to do so I'd really appreciate any advice

 

[JustAboutDone]

Hi, I'm so sad that this has happened to you and given you all this stress and hassle. You must be in a really horrible head space right now so sending you hugs and love for moral support. Is there anyone else you can move in with at the moment til the dust settles?
Xxx

 

[Xerxes]

I be watching the doorstep like a hawk. Or have it delivered to at the postal building and you can go pick it up there.

 

[littlelady774]

If I were you, I would just find a really good spot to hide it.
I've ordered 500 ml of Formic acid and 1 L of sulfuric acid online before, and managed to hide them in my room without my parents knowing.
You just have to know how to lie and hide things.

Edit;
Also, if there is a tracking number on your package, keep a very very close eye on it so you know when it'll arrive

 

[TiredHorse]

I don't know anything about SN, but could you substitute something like sugar or salt to flush?

But that doesn't solve the rest of the complexity, which is avoiding the other shipments being intercepted. I don't know enough about the postal service there, but @Xerxes's suggestion of picking them up at the post office sounds good.

Or you could be bold and explain what they're for: Both antiemetics and tagamet are, potentially, for stomach upset, so perhaps if they were intercepted you could show your father the Wiki page on each and say you're trying to look after your health?

 

[littlelady774]

What you could do is transfer it to another container. Hide it. Put regular salt in the original container. Send the video of you flushing your "sn" down the toilet while the real sn is somewhere else hidden.

 

[Xerxes]

Oooh I love the good ol bait and switch tactic. You can also say that the salts are healing salts, he can sprinkle some on his food and eat it.

 

[15dec]

Thanks for all your replies everyone! I was going to switch them over this morning but my mum just came in to take it because my dads been calling all morning and has been screaming at us both for the past hour (it's only 8am as well). He's demanding to know where I got it from to tell the police no matter how much me and my mum have said it's not even the drug, funny how much he cares about drugs yet thinks his history do domestic violence is justified because of 'frustration'.

The only silver lining is that the last thing my mum said was that she'd keep it here to get the police to prove it's legal which would give me a week to take some and hide it. Problem is, I'd have to use it this week and don't have the acid reducers or antiemetics yet. I certainly don't want to be here when my dad comes home and I don't think there's any way for me to stay at someone else's house, plus I don't have any way to explain to the police or my parents why I ordered sn and maybe I'm being irrational but I don't want them to figure out what I'm planning and put me in a psych ward. Another problem is that if my dad keeps going on and yelling the way he is my mum might just do what he says anyway, or if he's still convinced it's illegal he could just call the police today anyway.

Another idea is that if he does call the police I could try and use that to my advantage to get me put somewhere away from my dad? It might make ctb harder but at least then I won't have to be living in as much fear of him... I'm sure there's enough evidence from mental health workers, social workers etc who've all concluded that I'm absolutely terrified of him so maybe there's a chance. My mum also told my dad he's pushing me over the edge (I already was but he's certainly put me in a desperate spot to ctb sooner/less reliably) so maybe if I work with that I'd get somewhere, though blaming my dad for me getting things to ctb with could easily backfire against me and get my sectioned while my dad can walk free.

 

[15dec]

Hi, I'm so sad that this has happened to you and given you all this stress and hassle. You must be in a really horrible head space right now so sending you hugs and love for moral support. Is there anyone else you can move in with at the moment til the dust settles?
Xxx

No, my friends' houses are all pretty crowded and even then I'm not close or comfortable enough with any of them to want to for more than say, a night. My grandparents are on my dads side of the family so they're not an option, I don't think my sister has a non-cluttered spare room, I'm currently trying to convince my mum to let me stay at my brother's this weekend so I can avoid my dad, but that's a bit of a stretch since he has a son with special needs and I might be too much of a burden

 

[15dec]

I be watching the doorstep like a hawk. Or have it delivered to at the postal building and you can go pick it up there.

Yeah, that was my plan at first. I wasn't expecting it so early though so I completely missed it, sigh. I should've had it delivered there you're right, bit late to change the delivery address for the antiemetics and Tagamet now though

 

[Anima]

Thanks for all your replies everyone! I was going to switch them over this morning but my mum just came in to take it because my dads been calling all morning and has been screaming at us both for the past hour (it's only 8am as well). He's demanding to know where I got it from to tell the police no matter how much me and my mum have said it's not even the drug, funny how much he cares about drugs yet thinks his history do domestic violence is justified because of 'frustration'.

The only silver lining is that the last thing my mum said was that she'd keep it here to get the police to prove it's legal which would give me a week to take some and hide it. Problem is, I'd have to use it this week and don't have the acid reducers or antiemetics yet. I certainly don't want to be here when my dad comes home and I don't think there's any way for me to stay at someone else's house, plus I don't have any way to explain to the police or my parents why I ordered sn and maybe I'm being irrational but I don't want them to figure out what I'm planning and put me in a psych ward. Another problem is that if my dad keeps going on and yelling the way he is my mum might just do what he says anyway, or if he's still convinced it's illegal he could just call the police today anyway.

Another idea is that if he does call the police I could try and use that to my advantage to get me put somewhere away from my dad? It might make ctb harder but at least then I won't have to be living in as much fear of him... I'm sure there's enough evidence from mental health workers, social workers etc who've all concluded that I'm absolutely terrified of him so maybe there's a chance. My mum also told my dad he's pushing me over the edge (I already was but he's certainly put me in a desperate spot to ctb sooner/less reliably) so maybe if I work with that I'd get somewhere, though blaming my dad for me getting things to ctb with could easily backfire against me and get my sectioned while my dad can walk free.

I am very sorry you have to go through so much pain at home. Does anyone else know what is going on? How is your dad treating you and your mum when things go as he wishes?

Wish I could give you some good advice on how to proceed, but can only offer hugs and a shoulder really. ):

 

[15dec]

If I were you, I would just find a really good spot to hide it.
I've ordered 500 ml of Formic acid and 1 L of sulfuric acid online before, and managed to hide them in my room without my parents knowing.
You just have to know how to lie and hide things.

Edit;
Also, if there is a tracking number on your package, keep a very very close eye on it so you know when it'll arrive

Sadly the orders aren't tracked, that would've been a real lifesaver though.

If I manage to save any of the sn I have a place in mind to hide it that shouldn't be discovered unless my dad decides to go through everything in my room looking for the illegal drugs I'm supposedly buying.

 

[15dec]

I don't know anything about SN, but could you substitute something like sugar or salt to flush?

But that doesn't solve the rest of the complexity, which is avoiding the other shipments being intercepted. I don't know enough about the postal service there, but @Xerxes's suggestion of picking them up at the post office sounds good.

Or you could be bold and explain what they're for: Both antiemetics and tagamet are, potentially, for stomach upset, so perhaps if they were intercepted you could show your father the Wiki page on each and say you're trying to look after your health?

Yeah, I was planning on saying the antiemetics and tagamet were to help with my nausea/acid reflux since they've gotten worse recently, which isn't exactly a lie since they have gotten a lot worse. Problem is my parents would just find that suspicious, seeing as it would be much easier and cheaper to go back to the doctors and ask for more medication rather than getting it online. Though hopefully my mum would just give the parcels straight to me after the shitstorm my dad's created, if they come when I'm out and she gets to them first.

 

[15dec]

I am very sorry you have to go through so much pain at home. Does anyone else know what is going on? How is your dad treating you and your mum when things go as he wishes?

Wish I could give you some good advice on how to proceed, but can only offer hugs and a shoulder really. ):

Thank you :)
I've talked to mental health workers, a social worker and a teacher about my dad before but they haven't really done anything. My mum's told my dad plenty of times over the years he needs to stop shouting etc because it makes me feel worse and he's upsetting me but he does it anyway. And nothing is ever really as my dad likes or wishes, he always has something to complain about, or he'll find a reason to complain. The best he acts is when he's quiet watching TV to be honest. The only time he's acted genuinely kind that I can remember was about a month ago when we were still involved with the social worker, he was sympathising with how I was feeling, buying me things etc, and he also said a lot of bad and negative things about my mum and blamed the fact he was violent on 'frustration' because of the bad things she'd done. A few days before Christmas he was talking to me, asked if I was feeling better so I lied and said yes, he said that was good and then said 'so we won't have to see any more of those people anymore will we' (I had a mental health assessment a couple of days beforehand) and I agreed with him. Then he went back to his normal intimidation/shouting thing.

 

[21Neberg]

Yeah, I was planning on saying the antiemetics and tagamet were to help with my nausea/acid reflux since they've gotten worse recently, which isn't exactly a lie since they have gotten a lot worse. Problem is my parents would just find that suspicious, seeing as it would be much easier and cheaper to go back to the doctors and ask for more medication rather than getting it online. Though hopefully my mum would just give the parcels straight to me after the shitstorm my dad's created, if they come when I'm out and she gets to them first.

As for the parcel problem, just have the packages delivered to a postal office near you! That way you can pick the package up there whenever suits you best, and there's no chance of your parents intercepting the package.

 

[15dec]

As for the parcel problem, just have the packages delivered to a postal office near you! That way you can pick the package up there whenever suits you best, and there's no chance of your parents intercepting the package.

I just looked at them, the tagamet has already been dispatched so I can't change the delivery address, as for the antiemetics I can't see an option on eBay to change where they're delivered

 

[Floraknife]

I just looked at them, the tagamet has already been dispatched so I can't change the delivery address, as for the antiemetics I can't see an option on eBay to change where they're delivered

This might only be the case for door-tagged packages, but I'm pretty(?) sure as long as you have a tracking number you can do this with any package (if the carrier does it) by calling the carrier service that's delivering your package and asking it to be delivered to your nearest post office instead of at your doorstep. You can pick it up with your ID and proof of delivery address there.

 

[15dec]

This might only be the case for door-tagged packages, but I'm pretty(?) sure as long as you have a tracking number you can do this with any package (if the carrier does it) by calling the carrier service that's delivering your package and asking it to be delivered to your nearest post office instead of at your doorstep. You can pick it up with your ID and proof of delivery address there.

Sadly I don't have tracking numbers for either of them so I don't think it's possible

 

[JustAboutDone]

Yeah, I was planning on saying the antiemetics and tagamet were to help with my nausea/acid reflux since they've gotten worse recently, which isn't exactly a lie since they have gotten a lot worse. Problem is my parents would just find that suspicious, seeing as it would be much easier and cheaper to go back to the doctors and ask for more medication rather than getting it online. Though hopefully my mum would just give the parcels straight to me after the shitstorm my dad's created, if they come when I'm out and she gets to them first.

Keep strong, you're doing so well to weather this vile storm xx Like you say your anti emetics etc have most likely been dispatched so all you can do is be ready to say they are for your stomach which is getting worse with all the STRESS you're getting at home and that you didn't want to go back to the doctor as you didn't get much understanding last time.

You're doing so well, you can ride this out, we are all here for you on your side xxx

 

[15dec]

Keep strong, you're doing so well to weather this vile storm xx Like you say your anti emetics etc have most likely been dispatched so all you can do is be ready to say they are for your stomach which is getting worse with all the STRESS you're getting at home and that you didn't want to go back to the doctor as you didn't get much understanding last time.

You're doing so well, you can ride this out, we are all here for you on your side xxx

Thank you for all the kind words and advice, it means a lot to me ♡

 

[JustAboutDone]

Keep your own goals in mind whatever they may be and remember the words of the little blue fish from the film Finding Nemo (the fish with the memory problems) anyway her motto was:
JUST KEEP SWIMMING...

Sending you a cuddle xx

 

[Othermind]

So I was thinking it might just be better to avoid all that mess and use the tourniquet method instead. My problem with that is that it'll be a lot harder to execute successfully and I'm scared of the consequences of failure, since it's much more severe than sn failure and easier to mess up. I also believe this would be louder and more noticeable than sn so I can't do it at night (which was the plan with sn) and trying to find time when I know for certain I'll be alone in the house is hard.

I'd leave that as an absolute last resort. Hanging/strangulation methods that are not feet completely off the floor suspension are fairly hard to pull off and can leave you badly crippled if something goes wrong. They're as popular as they are because often a rope and a door are all people have to work with.
As for your situation, it sucks and I'm sorry you have to go through it, however I'd avoid any contact with law enforcement if I were you. They're bound to be asking questions as to why you were getting SN even though it's perfectly legal, and if they get as much as a whiff that you want to ctb they might be sending you to a psych ward. And seeing that you mentioned you've been involved with social and mental health workers in the past, that's a gamble I definitely wouldn't want to take.
Could it be possible to do as your father says just to keep things quiet and then order another bag of SN and have it sent to the post office?
This is just my 2 cents, you know what works best for you, keep strong anyways and I wish you the best.

 

[21Neberg]

I just looked at them, the tagamet has already been dispatched so I can't change the delivery address, as for the antiemetics I can't see an option on eBay to change where they're delivered

Not to worry, everythings going to be fine! You're probably able to track the packages, so watch the doorbell during the time period when the package can be delivered. Furthermore, think of an excuse in case shit goes south. If you're still in school, you could say that it's all for a school science experiment.

 

[Anima]

Thank you :)
I've talked to mental health workers, a social worker and a teacher about my dad before but they haven't really done anything. My mum's told my dad plenty of times over the years he needs to stop shouting etc because it makes me feel worse and he's upsetting me but he does it anyway. And nothing is ever really as my dad likes or wishes, he always has something to complain about, or he'll find a reason to complain. The best he acts is when he's quiet watching TV to be honest. The only time he's acted genuinely kind that I can remember was about a month ago when we were still involved with the social worker, he was sympathising with how I was feeling, buying me things etc, and he also said a lot of bad and negative things about my mum and blamed the fact he was violent on 'frustration' because of the bad things she'd done. A few days before Christmas he was talking to me, asked if I was feeling better so I lied and said yes, he said that was good and then said 'so we won't have to see any more of those people anymore will we' (I had a mental health assessment a couple of days beforehand) and I agreed with him. Then he went back to his normal intimidation/shouting thing.

Gosh, so sorry that you are doing in a situation like that. Has your dad been physically viokent towards you as well or is it more verbally?

And, do you think that getting out of there would change anything about your outlook on life?

What did the social workers say about the sitiuation youre in? I thought that there are ways of getting away

Maybe you could have the parcel sent to a friends house? Or have someone else order it for you?

 

[15dec]

I'd leave that as an absolute last resort. Hanging/strangulation methods that are not feet completely off the floor suspension are fairly hard to pull off and can leave you badly crippled if something goes wrong. They're as popular as they are because often a rope and a door are all people have to work with.
As for your situation, it sucks and I'm sorry you have to go through it, however I'd avoid any contact with law enforcement if I were you. They're bound to be asking questions as to why you were getting SN even though it's perfectly legal, and if they get as much as a whiff that you want to ctb they might be sending you to a psych ward. And seeing that you mentioned you've been involved with social and mental health workers in the past, that's a gamble I definitely wouldn't want to take.
Could it be possible to do as your father says just to keep things quiet and then order another bag of SN and have it sent to the post office?
This is just my 2 cents, you know what works best for you, keep strong anyways and I wish you the best.

Yeah, I don't want to resort to hanging but it's my only option other than sn. I don't want the police involved but my dad is going to call them since he thinks I'm buying drugs unless the sn is flushed, and I'm not sure if my mum is going to go through with that since she's considering just letting the police prove to my dad it's not illegal to clear my name, basically. I'm hoping she'll flush it anyway so I don't have to deal with the police questioning me, I certainly don't want to end up in a psych ward. If I find where she's put it I'll try and take some and store it separately, if not I'll look into getting it sent to the post office. Thanks for the advice :)

 

[15dec]

Gosh, so sorry that you are doing in a situation like that. Has your dad been physically viokent towards you as well or is it more verbally?

And, do you think that getting out of there would change anything about your outlook on life?

What did the social workers say about the sitiuation youre in? I thought that there are ways of getting away

Maybe you could have the parcel sent to a friends house? Or have someone else order it for you?

It's more of a verbal/emotional thing, he's threatened me before though. I don't doubt that he would hit me and especially after yesterday and today I feel like he's kind of unhinged. I argued back with him which probably wasn't the best idea (although actually standing up for myself against him was a pretty good feeling) so I can't imagine him being happy with me when he's home and there's only so much of this I can take.

And I've considered it but my options for leaving are incredibly limited, I could only go to a shared accommodation place and it's a long, hard process to get accepted and I'm not sure if the application I made is still open. I'm not sure if it'd even benefit my mental health either, it'd get rid of the stress and fear I get from my dad but I'd most likely still be feeling incredibly depressed, anxious and paranoid which is my primary reason to ctb.

The social worker is getting a family support worker in. Sadly when she came it was when my dad was acting supportive and whatnot so I guess it didn't raise any red flags for her. She probably thought I was exaggerating what I'd told her. If she could see how he's been acting the last few days she'd probably change her mind.

I couldn't have it sent to anyone else's house, if I have to reorder the sn I'm most likely going to have it sent to the post office instead. As for the antiemetics and acid reducers, I think I'll just try and say I ordered them for my acid reflux/nausea problems because I didn't think the doctors would give me something strong enough or something?

 

[TiredHorse]

Another idea is that if he does call the police I could try and use that to my advantage to get me put somewhere away from my dad? It might make ctb harder but at least then I won't have to be living in as much fear of him... I'm sure there's enough evidence from mental health workers, social workers etc who've all concluded that I'm absolutely terrified of him so maybe there's a chance.

Just a question: would getting clear of your father reduce your desire to ctb? If so, might that be worth exploring (aggressively) before ctb? I don't want to get all pro-lifey, but if that could take some of the pressure off, gain you some breathing room, it might allow other things to not look so bad.

When I was 26, I cut all contact with my father. No email, no phone, I even convinced my mother to not tell him where I was living --not even what state. I didn't resume contact for 12 years. Those years were bliss! It definitely saved my life.

 

[15dec]

Just a question: would getting clear of your father reduce your desire to ctb? If so, might that be worth exploring (aggressively) before ctb? I don't want to get all pro-lifey, but if that could take some of the pressure off, gain you some breathing room, it might allow other things to not look so bad.

When I was 26, I cut all contact with my father. No email, no phone, I even convinced my mother to not tell him where I was living --not even what state. I didn't resume contact for 12 years. Those years were bliss! It definitely saved my life.

I'm not sure, I've considered moving out before but my options are very limited. I also doubt there's any way I could 100% cut him off either and it'd be hard to do so without cutting my mum off as well -he'd definitely make things hard for her if she was in contact with me and knew where I was and he didn't. Not being around him would certainly reduce the pressure but my main reasons for wanting to ctb are unrelated to him so I'm not sure if it'd reduce those feelings. Thank you for your advice though, I'll have another look into other accommodation and see if I can come up with anything

 

[TiredHorse]

I'm not sure, I've considered moving out before but my options are very limited. I also doubt there's any way I could 100% cut him off either and it'd be hard to do so without cutting my mum off as well -he'd definitely make things hard for her if she was in contact with me and knew where I was and he didn't. Not being around him would certainly reduce the pressure but my main reasons for wanting to ctb are unrelated to him so I'm not sure if it'd reduce those feelings. Thank you for your advice though, I'll have another look into other accommodation and see if I can come up with anything

I know it was dreadfully difficult for my mom when I cut my dad off. He was a right bastard to her, and tried to bully her into giving up my location. Thank fortune he one day pissed her off enough that she told him to get stuffed, and that made it a lot easier for her to cover my trail.

Of course she'd already had the experience of me running away for a year when I was 18, so that probably had her primed to know I wasn't just faffing about.

I don't want to be a pollyanna, but sometimes just a little bit of relief really can make all the difference --especially when it comes to parents. If you can find a way to get clear of your father --maybe even enlist your mother's help, since it sounds like she's aware he's a big part of the problem-- I'd sure be happy to hear you explored that option as far as possible. It saved my life a couple times. I know that doesn't mean a huge amount, since here I am again, but at least I got a few good years in.

 

[15dec]

I know it was dreadfully difficult for my mom when I cut my dad off. He was a right bastard to her, and tried to bully her into giving up my location. Thank fortune he one day pissed her off enough that she told him to get stuffed, and that made it a lot easier for her to cover my trail.

Of course she'd already had the experience of me running away for a year when I was 18, so that probably had her primed to know I wasn't just faffing about.

I don't want to be a pollyanna, but sometimes just a little bit of relief really can make all the difference --especially when it comes to parents. If you can find a way to get clear of your father --maybe even enlist your mother's help, since it sounds like she's aware he's a big part of the problem-- I'd sure be happy to hear you explored that option as far as possible. It saved my life a couple times. I know that doesn't mean a huge amount, since here I am again, but at least I got a few good years in.

I've already tried talking to my mum about arranging me to stay at my brother's this weekend (my dad works away from home all week thankfully) but she doesn't seem big on the idea, probably because she knows he'll be an ass about it and get my brother involved. I've got back in touch with a housing support association I contacted a while ago and hopefully it's not too late to sort something out, if I'm eligible for support anyways.