BodyOfDaffodil
Member
- Jun 14, 2023
- 31
I never openly discussed anything regarding my S/A by my father or anyone else by that manner. But god knows I've been a steady victim of it since the time I was extremely young. Men I thought I could trust would openly take advantage of me to the point where I began to believe it was all I was good for, that this is the way people showed their love. When it came to my father, he openly sought it out from me, telling me that everything I am and everything I have is because of him. I owe him my existence he used to say. So that was one of the many ways he would get what he wanted from me, and every night, every single night like clockwork he would come creeping into my room; smelling like cheap beer and cigarettes.
On those nights, I would tell myself to let it happen so I won't be too sore to go to school in the morning.
In the middle of my freshman year, in the start of novemeber I remember coming home from school and preparing dinner as usual when my father caught my attention. He said he needed me to come with him to a clinic for an appointment. When I asked him why, he wouldn't say. We end up at this ultrasound clinic where I get an ultrasound, and he asks the lady doing the thing if I'm pregnant. When she says im not, he looks disappointed. He even says he is. When we get home, he sits me down and says he wants to have a kid with me. I try to tell him I can't, that I'm his daughter and it won't work.
He insists, and insists until eventually I stop hearing him out and leave him alone.
No matter where I went throughout my life, it seems those same men would come looking for me. Finding me in the darkest moments of my pathetic life and giving me the love they said I needed. Whether it be my own father, to seniors in my highschool, never had I ever felt so humiliated and ashamed of myself.
My father used to call me his darling daffodil, and used to say I was sweet like nectar. He used to buy me a sweet smelling daffodil perfume.
Now when I see those yellow flowers in shopping centres or outside, I feel physically ill, the urge to vomit and faint is present. I wonder if one day my report against my father will go through and I'll get the justice I deserve. However I am not going to be too confident, as Canadian police never take their job seriously.
On those nights, I would tell myself to let it happen so I won't be too sore to go to school in the morning.
In the middle of my freshman year, in the start of novemeber I remember coming home from school and preparing dinner as usual when my father caught my attention. He said he needed me to come with him to a clinic for an appointment. When I asked him why, he wouldn't say. We end up at this ultrasound clinic where I get an ultrasound, and he asks the lady doing the thing if I'm pregnant. When she says im not, he looks disappointed. He even says he is. When we get home, he sits me down and says he wants to have a kid with me. I try to tell him I can't, that I'm his daughter and it won't work.
He insists, and insists until eventually I stop hearing him out and leave him alone.
No matter where I went throughout my life, it seems those same men would come looking for me. Finding me in the darkest moments of my pathetic life and giving me the love they said I needed. Whether it be my own father, to seniors in my highschool, never had I ever felt so humiliated and ashamed of myself.
My father used to call me his darling daffodil, and used to say I was sweet like nectar. He used to buy me a sweet smelling daffodil perfume.
Now when I see those yellow flowers in shopping centres or outside, I feel physically ill, the urge to vomit and faint is present. I wonder if one day my report against my father will go through and I'll get the justice I deserve. However I am not going to be too confident, as Canadian police never take their job seriously.
