Survived

[ShadowChild]

Well.....I wasn't expecting to make this post. I was hoping I wouldn't have to but here I am.
Thursday night I took some amount of SN, Possibly just under a tablespoon (I'm a light guy) 55kg i know the lethal amount.
I didn't put it in water I just swallowed it then washed it down with amour 100ml water. No discomfort bit of burping, later on noticing dizziness kind of like when you drink to much and know you're about to throw up (I didn't)

*sigh*

I needed to use the toilet, I couldn't hold it. it was making me uncomfortable. I got up, I took 7 steps towards and woke up in hospital.

If I hadn't got up to go to the bathroom then.
well..

I'm not okay.
Not one bit.
Fuck.

 

[Grandexit]

Wow. I don't know where to start. I'm sorry you're still hurting. How are you physically? Are you going to be locked up ? Is there anything we can help you with? What are your thoughts about the future?

 

[ShadowChild]

Wow. I don't know where to start. I'm sorry you're still hurting. How are you physically? Are you going to be locked up ? Is there anything we can help you with? What are your thoughts about the future?

Physically I'm okay, kinda sore (needles) headache (side effects) I was vague with my answers they don't know what the cause was toxicology report wasn't taken as I was critical they took a blood sample which was pitch black so they knew what the problem was but they don't know the cause as I didn't tell them anything and it was too late to take a toxicology report after recovery and commuting from the MB.
As for the future. Shit I don't know. I still want to ctb or just die soon but I dunno. If I tried and failed again then questions are gonna be asked.

 

[Lostnotfound]

I'm sorry you went through that. Sounds like maybe you didn't take enough SN? I'm not an expert by any means and can only refer to what I've read here but a tablespoon doesn't sound like enough. How are you feeling now? No lasting damage done?

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

We're you making a serious attempt? I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I thought the fatal dose was more than that.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're in such rough shape. It's so tough to have your plans end and then wake up in hospital. Take comfort, though, and know you'll always have us!

 

[Grandexit]

Do you still have any sn? I have honestly never heard of someone dry swallowing the stuff. That is next level.

unfortunately , this is something that needs to be done with some precision and planning. Your attempt sounds very impulsive. Who found you? How long were you down for?
I'm sorry you're still hurting and in a bad place.

 

[ShadowChild]

I'm sorry you went through that. Sounds like maybe you didn't take enough SN? I'm not an expert by any means and can only refer to what I've read here but a tablespoon doesn't sound like enough. How are you feeling now? No lasting damage done?

Well the doctor said i was about an hour away from death when I arrived the Carbon monoxide lvl in my blood was at 86% so it was definitely enough i could be wrong with the table spoon it may have been more I just tipped the bag onto a piece of paper. I don't have good scales. But yeah from the Colour of my blood test and the amount of mb they used along with oxygen and being in life support I'd say if I hadn't needed to get up to go for a piss I'd have definitely been successful.

Do you still have any sn? I have honestly never heard of someone dry swallowing the stuff. That is next level.

unfortunately , this is something that needs to be done with some precision and planning. Your attempt sounds very impulsive. Who found you? How long were you down for?
I'm sorry you're still hurting and in a bad place.

it was planned, well when I got up to go to the toilet I felt like I'd drank a liter of whiskey no balance at all, I got close to the toilet then collapsed made a huge bang and bashed my head on the wall on the way down, parents found me said I was drenched with sweat I'm responsive and shaking with a dead stare. Medics said they thought I was gone looked like "a smurf"

Do you still have any sn? I have honestly never heard of someone dry swallowing the stuff. That is next level.

unfortunately , this is something that needs to be done with some precision and planning. Your attempt sounds very impulsive. Who found you? How long were you down for?
I'm sorry you're still hurting and in a bad place.

Oh sorry yeah I still have about 60 grams hidden

We're you making a serious attempt? I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I thought the fatal dose was more than that.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're in such rough shape. It's so tough to have your plans end and then wake up in hospital. Take comfort, though, and know you'll always have us!

I guess it depends on your weight. Iv heard that the ld50 is 79mg/kg which for me is roughly 4g and a tablespoon would be about 10g because of the density. But yeah like I replied to someone else I don't have decent scales so just guessed it would have worked perfectly if I didn't get up :(

thnx you guys are the best <3

 

[Lostnotfound]

Well the doctor said i was about an hour away from death when I arrived the Carbon monoxide lvl in my blood was at 86% so it was definitely enough i could be wrong with the table spoon it may have been more I just tipped the bag onto a piece of paper. I don't have good scales. But yeah from the Colour of my blood test and the amount of mb they used along with oxygen and being in life support I'd say if I hadn't needed to get up to go for a piss I'd have definitely been successful.


it was planned, well when I got up to go to the toilet I felt like I'd drank a liter of whiskey no balance at all, I got close to the toilet then collapsed made a huge bang and bashed my head on the wall on the way down, parents found me said I was drenched with sweat I'm responsive and shaking with a dead stare. Medics said they thought I was gone looked like "a smurf"

Oh sorry yeah I still have about 60 grams hidden

So we need to learn to empty bladder before taking sn ... this is my method so thats important to know. I am so sorry you went through all this but I am glad you are ok. I'm surprised you got as far as you did with your parents in the house - I have read about people moaning and groaning with sn but clearly you didnt do this. I hope that your physical recovery passes quick.

 

[ShadowChild]

Do you still have any sn? I have honestly never heard of someone dry swallowing the stuff. That is next level.

unfortunately , this is something that needs to be done with some precision and planning. Your attempt sounds very impulsive. Who found you? How long were you down for?
I'm sorry you're still hurting and in a bad place.

and sorry again I keep finding stuff that I haven't replied to you over I was Down for about 30 minutes then briefly awake in the hospital then out then back awake about 40 minutes ish later I think I could be wrong on that I don't remember much about that part, remember having the mb injected feeling like my arm was on fire don't remember most of the tests they did (blood gas etc) but iv got about 11 puncture wounds and my arms are bruised up badly.

 

[mpnf]

Well the doctor said i was about an hour away from death when I arrived the Carbon monoxide lvl in my blood was at 86% so it was definitely enough i could be wrong with the table spoon it may have been more I just tipped the bag onto a piece of paper. I don't have good scales. But yeah from the Colour of my blood test and the amount of mb they used along with oxygen and being in life support I'd say if I hadn't needed to get up to go for a piss I'd have definitely been successful.


it was planned, well when I got up to go to the toilet I felt like I'd drank a liter of whiskey no balance at all, I got close to the toilet then collapsed made a huge bang and bashed my head on the wall on the way down, parents found me said I was drenched with sweat I'm responsive and shaking with a dead stare. Medics said they thought I was gone looked like "a smurf"

Oh sorry yeah I still have about 60 grams hidden

I guess it depends on your weight. Iv heard that the ld50 is 79mg/kg which for me is roughly 4g and a tablespoon would be about 10g because of the density. But yeah like I replied to someone else I don't have decent scales so just guessed it would have worked perfectly if I didn't get up :(

thnx you guys are the best <3

The " I was drenched with sweat I'm responsive and shaking with a dead stare"... means you were awake or fell unconscious after collapsing and didn't woke up till hospital?
Also how many grams you think might have taken?

Hope you recover and feel better. ❤

 

[ShadowChild]

So we need to learn to empty bladder before taking sn ... this is my method so thats important to know. I am so sorry you went through all this but I am glad you are ok. I'm surprised you got as far as you did with your parents in the house - I have read about people moaning and groaning with sn but clearly you didnt do this. I hope that your physical recovery passes quick.

Thank you <3 yes definitely an empty bladder would have been ideal!

The " I was drenched with sweat I'm responsive and shaking with a dead stare"... means you were awake or fell unconscious after collapsing and didn't woke up till hospital?
Also how many grams you think might have taken?

Hope you recover and feel better. ❤

Sorry typo that was supposed to be UN responsive..I really should check before pressing post I think probably between 7-10grams

The " I was drenched with sweat I'm responsive and shaking with a dead stare"... means you were awake or fell unconscious after collapsing and didn't woke up till hospital?
Also how many grams you think might have taken?

Hope you recover and feel better. ❤

And thanks <3

 

[Jumper Geo]

Well.....I wasn't expecting to make this post. I was hoping I wouldn't have to but here I am.
Thursday night I took some amount of SN, Possibly just under a tablespoon (I'm a light guy) 55kg i know the lethal amount.
I didn't put it in water I just swallowed it then washed it down with amour 100ml water. No discomfort bit of burping, later on noticing dizziness kind of like when you drink to much and know you're about to throw up (I didn't)

*sigh*

I needed to use the toilet, I couldn't hold it. it was making me uncomfortable. I got up, I took 7 steps towards and woke up in hospital.

If I hadn't got up to go to the bathroom then.
well..

I'm not okay.
Not one bit.
Fuck.

Hey man, sorry your a live, lol only on SS would you see a comment like this, it wasn't your time, interesting method I've not heard that before but thanks for the help I might use that method did it stop the burning mouth, ah I have read Stan's guide a few times he says make sure you stir it first until it's clear I might gargle strong mouth wash first before I consume the drink.

I hope you find peace.

Cheers Geo

 

[ShadowChild]

Hey man, sorry your a live, lol only on SS would you see a comment like this, it wasn't your time, interesting method I've not heard that before but thanks for the help I might use that method did it stop the burning mouth, ah I have read Stan's guide a few times he says make sure you stir it first until it's clear I might gargle strong mouth wash first before I consume the drink.

I hope you find peace.

Cheers Geo

Haha that's true xD thanks man <3 didn't burn at all tbh was weird..like a really salty sherbet. I thing a strong mouthwash may be good actually I was originally gonna hold mouthwash in my mouth before taking the sun until my tongue went numb but ended up just doing rinsing my mouth with it afterwards.
Hope you find peace too take care
Thanks for all the support guys <3 I'm gonna have to sleep now, gotta go to work tomorrow..crazy aren't I barely been out of hospital. Absolutely shattered and I'm doing a 10 hour day....ughhh...

 

[Jumper Geo]

Haha that's true xD thanks man <3 didn't burn at all tbh was weird..like a really salty sherbet. I thing a strong mouthwash may be good actually I was originally gonna hold mouthwash in my mouth before taking the sun until my tongue went numb but ended up just doing rinsing my mouth with it afterwards.
Hope you find peace too take care
Thanks for all the support guys <3 I'm gonna have to sleep now, gotta go to work tomorrow..crazy aren't I barely been out of hospital. Absolutely shattered and I'm doing a 10 hour day....ughhh...

Cheers, Stan's guide is below, I hope it helps if you haven't seen it before,

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

 

[HadEnough1974]

Well.....I wasn't expecting to make this post. I was hoping I wouldn't have to but here I am.
Thursday night I took some amount of SN, Possibly just under a tablespoon (I'm a light guy) 55kg i know the lethal amount.
I didn't put it in water I just swallowed it then washed it down with amour 100ml water. No discomfort bit of burping, later on noticing dizziness kind of like when you drink to much and know you're about to throw up (I didn't)

*sigh*

I needed to use the toilet, I couldn't hold it. it was making me uncomfortable. I got up, I took 7 steps towards and woke up in hospital.

If I hadn't got up to go to the bathroom then.
well..

I'm not okay.
Not one bit.
Fuck.

I'll be blunt, I'll just say what I'm thinking. You knew the lethal dose, you knew the instructions to follow, you took less than the lethal dose. Others have said it, I'll just repeat it. It sounds impulsive and a cry for help.

I'm so sorry that you're hurting. I'm sorry that you're not at peace. Perhaps this was a subconscious cry for help? Have you tried other options? I'm solidly pro choice, but only when all other options have been exhausted.

 

[faust]

I am sorry your CTB attempt failed, but I thought I am the one only who dry swallow.
I used to swallow coffee powder and stuff from tea bags. The black tea caused me severe panic attacks, I even had to call ambulance cuz my body was locked, I could not talk and hyperventilation was severe. Did you do that in order to minimize the taste?

 

[FreeBIRD]

I'll be blunt, I'll just say what I'm thinking. You knew the lethal dose, you knew the instructions to follow, you took less than the lethal dose. Others have said it, I'll just repeat it. It sounds impulsive and a cry for help.

I'm so sorry that you're hurting. I'm sorry that you're not at peace. Perhaps this was a subconscious cry for help? Have you tried other options? I'm solidly pro choice, but only when all other options have been exhausted.

That's kind of harsh...

 

[Quarky00]

I hope you are feeling better It's quite amazing you go to work (and not that fun!) .

I guess it depends on your weight. Iv heard that the ld50 is 79mg/kg which for me is roughly 4g and a tablespoon would be about 10g because of the density. But yeah like I replied to someone else I don't have decent scales so just guessed it would have worked perfectly if I didn't get up :(

@ShadowChild , where did you get all that info ?
People don't just hear about ld50 . I wonder who's instructions did you follow :)

I didn't put it in water I just swallowed it then washed it down with amour 100ml water

Why did you do that ?

 

[Jumper Geo]

I hope you are feeling better It's quite amazing you go to work (and not that fun!) .


@ShadowChild , where did you get all that info ?
People don't just hear about ld50 . I wonder who's instructions did you follow :)


Why did you do that ?

Well.....I wasn't expecting to make this post. I was hoping I wouldn't have to but here I am.
Thursday night I took some amount of SN, Possibly just under a tablespoon (I'm a light guy) 55kg i know the lethal amount.
I didn't put it in water I just swallowed it then washed it down with amour 100ml water. No discomfort bit of burping, later on noticing dizziness kind of like when you drink to much and know you're about to throw up (I didn't)

*sigh*

I needed to use the toilet, I couldn't hold it. it was making me uncomfortable. I got up, I took 7 steps towards and woke up in hospital.

If I hadn't got up to go to the bathroom then.
well..

I'm not okay.
Not one bit.
Fuck.

Yeah don't worry whats done is done no going back now, I hope you find another way but you have Stan's guide now so you will have all the information you need. I hope you find peace.

Cheers Geo

 

[reapandsow918]

Sorry for your experience. What was the unconsciousness like? Did you experience any pain?

 

[Lastsauce]

the Carbon monoxide lvl in my blood was at 86%

SN doesn't have anything to do with getting a CO poisoning.

 

[Noel17]

Hope you are OK and have people around you who you can share your pain with.

 

[HelensNepenthe]

Well the doctor said i was about an hour away from death when I arrived the Carbon monoxide lvl in my blood was at 86% so it was definitely enough i could be

This is where I have doubts in your story, and pardon me for being insensitive. As another forum member pointed out, @Lastsauce, ingestion of sodium nitrite would not cause carboxyhemoglobin. It's likely you'll rub this off as some mistake in your posting, as normal procedure goes on this forum when members fabricate attempts for their own stimulation.

Best of luck,
Helen

 

[HadEnough1974]

That's kind of harsh...

I don't know what part of it is harsh. It's honest and to the point. I don't mean to cause further pain to someone who is already hurting.

 

[Quarky00]

Also , how did parents react ? Didn't they inquire or punish you ? If my child was found all blue I'd put them on "house arrest" (parental) -- as many members here sadly experienced ... No work no nothing .. I'd be scared to death .

@ShadowChild , you bought SN , obviously it was in your possession for a while . I assume you've heard about SN here , as you are an active and participating member for 1.5 months now :) You then decided to ctb . This was planned and not impulsive . Took 1 spoon straight to the mouth -- based on what ? You bought SN based on these forums (I assume) but then acted based on something you've heard ?

Sorry for the questions , I'm not doubting you and I know you've been through hard times. But If someone spread misinformation about SN intake and harmed members like you .. we should check it

 

[HadEnough1974]

SN doesn't have anything to do with getting a CO poisoning.

I noticed that as well. Possible the OP's state of mind is still foggy and meant to say oxygen at 86 percent?

 

[akrasia]

Haha that's true xD thanks man <3 didn't burn at all tbh was weird..like a really salty sherbet. I thing a strong mouthwash may be good actually I was originally gonna hold mouthwash in my mouth before taking the sun until my tongue went numb but ended up just doing rinsing my mouth with it afterwards.
Hope you find peace too take care
Thanks for all the support guys <3 I'm gonna have to sleep now, gotta go to work tomorrow..crazy aren't I barely been out of hospital. Absolutely shattered and I'm doing a 10 hour day....ughhh...

I hope you're doing well and I'm sorry that your plan has failed. Why are you going to work tomorrow? Don't you think you need some time off and recover from your attempt. Also, aren't the hospital supposed to lock you up in a psych hospital? Or did you not say that it was a suicide attempt?
Sorry for all the questions, please take care of yourself. -hugs-

 

[Over&out]

Hope you're doing well. I'm sorry you didn't find the peace you were looking

 

[ShadowChild]

I hope you're doing well and I'm sorry that your plan has failed. Why are you going to work tomorrow? Don't you think you need some time off and recover from your attempt. Also, aren't the hospital supposed to lock you up in a psych hospital? Or did you not say that it was a suicide attempt?
Sorry for all the questions, please take care of yourself. -hugs-

I tried to get it off but short notice and didn't want it going on my record as sick as I'm on phased return at the moment. Thanks fir your support <3 and no they don't know it was an attempt thankfully I was very vague with them :)

 

[ghostspace]

I tried to get it off but short notice and didn't want it going on my record as sick as I'm on phased return at the moment. Thanks fir your support <3 and no they don't know it was an attempt thankfully I was very vague with them :)

I'm so sorry you had to go through that; how are you feeling now?

Can I ask what you mean exactly when you say you were vague with them? I just want to know what to say to get off the hook if someone happens to interrupt my attempt, the last thing anyone needs is the psych ward.