Maybe you're just not ready yet, and that's perfectly fine! It sounds like you're enjoying life, connecting with others, and engaging in activities. There's no need to rush into your self-deliverance if that's what you truly want; it will always be there when you're ready. The brain has some funny ways of
expressing SI sometimes so I guess it could be that, or maybe you are actually just having a shift of mind & heart? Who knows. But again, if things are enjoyable right now then enjoy it no rushes around any decisons are needed. I'm so sorry that you are feeling like your emotions are being played with though, that is never enjoyable.
I hope you find everything you are looking for and get whatever peace & serenity you seek.
