Survival Instinct is getting me holding on

[Bpdboii]

I have proper planning to ctb but the SI holds me back and says hold on for a few more days to see if the things settle down for good. Its been more than 4 months and I am acting like this. I went to jump off the bridge(before joining this forum) but was too afraid to jump. I am confused between surviving and death.

 

[Amz_Falls]

I have proper planning to ctb but the SI holds me back and says hold on for a few more days to see if the things settle down for good. Its been more than 4 months and I am acting like this. I went to jump off the bridge(before joining this forum) but was too afraid to jump. I am confused between surviving and death.

What kind of bridge and how high was it?
SI will fade when you truly know in your heart it's time to go. Sorry that's not very helpful.

 

[Bpdboii]

What kind of bridge and how high was it?
SI will fade when you truly know in your heart it's time to go. Sorry that's not very helpful.

It was only 25ft high but down there was the canal and I don't know the swimming.

 

[Amz_Falls]

It was only 25ft high but down there was the canal and I don't know the swimming.

I think unless you planned on drowning you did the right thing not jumping. 25ft would probably not even bruise you. Sorry you got to that point though. I survived 25m onto tarmac to put it into perspective.

 

[Bpdboii]

I think unless you planned on drowning you did the right thing not jumping. 25ft would probably not even bruise you. Sorry you got to that point though. I survived 25m onto tarmac to put it into perspective.

My life was great a few months before. But then my wife divorced me and moved away with my beautiful son of 1 year old. I am feeling totally devastated. She got me deported from states and I can never see my son. I had a good future, nice job and we were living happy family life but no more.
I am blamed with each and every bad thing she could impose on me. In my whole family she accused me being a gay (my friend sent his d*** picture and she conceived me as a bisexual). She accused me I am a playboy. In the society, I am known as cheater. I am known as liar. I am known as greedy. I am known as irresponsible. So I have no more social life, I have no friends, no family life...no nothing. I have a younger brother who hates me and he is at times bully to me. I do a hands to mouth job away from my hometown so I no more visit my home. Younger sister hates me. My mom said many many bad words against me like I am unable to keep the wife, I committed very very bad, I am irresponsible etc etc. I am very much defamed in whole family and society. In current situation, ctb seems the best option.

I think unless you planned on drowning you did the right thing not jumping. 25ft would probably not even bruise you. Sorry you got to that point though. I survived 25m onto tarmac to put it into perspective.

I am not more planning about cbt by drowning. I now am looking for SN method and I have researched it well about anti emetics regimen and taking 25g of SN. Luckily the meto and all other prescription drugs are very easy to purchase in my country.

 

[Amz_Falls]

My life was great a few months before. But then my wife divorced me and moved away with my beautiful son of 1 year old. I am feeling totally devastated. She got me deported from states and I can never see my son. I had a good future, nice job and we were living happy family life but no more.
I am blamed with each and every bad thing she could impose on me. In my whole family she accused me being a gay (my friend sent his d*** picture and she conceived me as a bisexual). She accused me I am a playboy. In the society, I am known as cheater. I am known as liar. I am known as greedy. I am known as irresponsible. So I have no more social life, I have no friends, no family life...no nothing. I have a younger brother who hates me and he is at times bully to me. I do a hands to mouth job away from my hometown so I no more visit my home. Younger sister hates me. My mom said many many bad words against me like I am unable to keep the wife, I committed very very bad, I am irresponsible etc etc. I am very much defamed in whole family and society. In current situation, ctb seems the best option.

I am not more planning about cbt by drowning. I now am looking for SN method and I have researched it well about anti emetics regimen and taking 25g of SN. Luckily the meto and all other prescription drugs are very easy to purchase in my country.

So are you in a different country now? I'm so sorry to hear that about your son though I can't even imagine.
If you are in a different place now why don't you take that as a fresh start? You achieved amazing things with your wife and son, why not start over, you've done it once so you know it's possible.

 

[Bpdboii]

So are you in a different country now? I'm so sorry to hear that about your son though I can't even imagine.
If you are in a different place now why don't you take that as a fresh start? You achieved amazing things with your wife and son, why not start over, you've done it once so you know it's possible.

I am too tired and I am too much defamed and frustrated. I don't feel like to start over again. I will kill myself soon. I have got no friends, no more family, no social life. Just this anxiety, depression and debris of my ruined life.