Venting Surreal life

[ojinzo]

I purchased the items yesterday. Spent about $200 bucks on reglan, inderal, and SN plus expedited shipping. Since, I feel like many unusual things are happening to propel me to ctb and concurrently try to stop me from ctb.

My landlord tried to antagonize an argument with me which further pushes me to want to do it. Then I work up to an email stating I was selected for a housing lottery and need to submit further documentation.

Honestly, I'm not doing either. I need to maintain a decent enough relationship where I live so I can get my packages and I'm not trying, yet again, in this piss poor life to try to get ahead. I've come far enough and enough is enough!

All I dream about is how I'm going to drink that poison and pray I can keep it down. I will eat my vomit off the floor of I have to before I leave that room alive! I am ready to go. I'm tired, I'm scorn, and I want off this planet. Once the good arrive, all I need to do is find a hotel room and do my best to flag the bus driver of death.

if I know anything about life something will try to foil my ctb plans. I feel it. However, I am determined to live trying to die.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

I purchased the items yesterday. Spent about $200 bucks on reglan, inderal, and SN plus expedited shipping. Since, I feel like many unusual things are happening to propel me to ctb and concurrently try to stop me from ctb.

My landlord tried to antagonize an argument with me which further pushes me to want to do it. Then I work up to an email stating I was selected for a housing lottery and need to submit further documentation.

Honestly, I'm not doing either. I need to maintain a decent enough relationship where I live so I can get my packages and I'm not trying, yet again, in this piss poor life to try to get ahead. I've come far enough and enough is enough!

All I dream about is how I'm going to drink that poison and pray I can keep it down. I am ready to go. I'm tired, I'm scorn, and I want off this planet. Once the good arrive, all I need to do is find a hotel room and do my best to flag the bus driver of death.

if I know anything about life something will try to foil my ctb plans. I feel it. However, I am determined to live trying to die.

I can say even trying can pull some of us out of the mudhole so if I am determined I would stop trying and keep fucking myself literally fucking so I don't even have a chance to think life has some things to give. I am sorry that this is so meaningless for you. There is parents then there is that girl who lowkey teases you from time to time then there is your favourite meal then there is something something like fuck there is no way if I keep thinking all these things will keep flirting with me whole life this way. I just want to be flirtatious with death when it comes given she is a female.

 

[jodes2]

Gosh, I hope you don't eat your vomit off the floor!!

 

[ojinzo]

I really hope not either but I only brought one sn , which was all I could afford after the expedited shipping cost. It's only a fifty gram bag which only gives me two glasses of death. I know myself and I gag and suspect I my vomit both so I'm prepared to slurp it up off the floor because this is my only chance to leave this world. Also, as my final Days approach, I feel the need to thank you, you and so many others have been such a resource and source to talk to. I appreciate it .

 

[FuneralCry]

It's so awful how in this life so many things can go wrong and how things can easily get much worse. It's understandable wanting to leave it all behind. I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.