Help Surgery to fix severe case of body dysmorphia

[RealLostSoul]

I already know how y'all gonna respond to that. Let me tell you my story in a quick manner first. I am a grown up male in his early 20s. Half of my life I suffered from mental illness. The biggest ones are depression and body dysmorphia (plus some others but they all stem from those two). The depression part made my life miserable. It made me unable to feel happiness AT ALL. Unable to feel joy, pleasure, a meaning in life. Classic symptoms. This however stems from the more bigger thing. BODY DYSMORPHIA. actually idk which term describes it the best. my psychiatrists say its body dysmorphia so yea.
What exactly is it?
I hate my body. It's a neurological disorder. It's so severe that I am even violent from times to times (not against random people out there, don't worry). I suffer from this basically half of my life but lately it got worse MASSIVELY. There is so much pain that came from this. I also lost a lot like university because I am not able to go under people anymore. NOTHING worked. No meds no therapy. Nobody can talk me out of my world anymore because it is closing in on me. It is everything that exists anymore. I feel numb towards everything else right now. I realized I developed some kind of narcisstic personality disorder now because I don't feel empathy or anything for people anymore (because I feel worse than ever).
I am ready to die. I lost everything. Got nothing to lose anymore.

So here comes the deal. There is a risky surgery that would FIX my main disease ENTIRELY. Ik what people say about this (dont do it, love yourself first blabla) but in all honesty i dont give a fuck. they ain't knowing how it is going through… pardon... LIVING WITH mental disease for YEARS. And yea the surgery is just a one time shot, so if I do it, there is no going back. If things go wrong, adieu! If not, I can finally be free like from a prison.

So any opinions other than 'you will search for other problems' 'love yourself idiot' type shit?

 

[Taki]

What exactly is the surgery?

 

[RealLostSoul]

What exactly is the surgery?

How Does Limb Lengthening Work? | Paley Orthopedic & Spine Institute

When bone breaks, it naturally regenerates to fix the fracture. Lengthening works by separating the bone and distracting (pulling apart) the bone segments very slowly so that new bone continues to form in the gap. As the bone segments are slowly distracted, the bone regenerates, resulting in...

paleyinstitute.org

 

[Taki]

How Does Limb Lengthening Work? | Paley Orthopedic & Spine Institute

When bone breaks, it naturally regenerates to fix the fracture. Lengthening works by separating the bone and distracting (pulling apart) the bone segments very slowly so that new bone continues to form in the gap. As the bone segments are slowly distracted, the bone regenerates, resulting in...

paleyinstitute.org

Interesting. I'm guessing it wouldn't be deemed medically necessary in your case if the reasons are psychological. Or will they do it?

 

[RealLostSoul]

Interesting. I'm guessing it wouldn't be deemed medically necessary in your case if the reasons are psychological. Or will they do it?

no ofc not. I am average height in their statistics. however, those doctors know that dysmorphia with height is not correlated with the height itself but how you see yourself. I think of doing it because I suffer from this mental illness since an enternity and nothing else helps..

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I will never say just go for it because a plastic surgery ruined my life.
And I know that BD is not always fixed by surgery...
But it's better than ctb I guess.

 

[RealLostSoul]

I will never say just go for it because a plastic surgery ruined my life.
And I know that BD is not always fixed by surgery...
But it's better than ctb I guess.

what happened?

 

[Mr2005]

I've wanted plastic surgery for years. It's ruined my life and I never even had it. So bitter I didn't have a smartphone back then. Instead dependent on my feckless parents who put me into therapy for the same condition. I don't know why I went along with it or why I never took responsibility but it's done now. By the time I set up an email address and joined a forum it was for time travel! Sheer desperation. It was already too late and that was nearly ten years ago. Nothings got better and I still regret it to this day. I went to see some surgeons anyway just for the sheer hell of it. It won't help now anyway. Everything I wanted it for is gone. None of them did it. I've seen ten, I don't know if that's enough. In fifteen years there's no reason it shouldn't have been 100 if that's what it took. Mum calls me obsessive but there's always a new therapist that can help me with my "illness" so she's a hypocrite. My illness is ptsd caused by going along with her crap. All therapists could have helped with is growing the fuck up and doing what needed to be done before it was too late. A couple of years ago I saw what was supposed to be the last one, it had gone on long enough after all. I fully expected to hear no again. Instead he said yes and confirmed everything I'd always said. Then he changed his mind. That's what lead me here. It didn't give me closure, it's made me more fucked up than ever. Why didn't I just join a forum in the first place? I have a horrible feeling there'll be someone who would have done it all along. Have ten just wasted my time or is that enough that if anyone did say yes I should be wary? If I was to try and put a more positive spin on it I'd say maybe I was lucky some charlatan didn't ruin my face but honestly what actually happened wasn't much better. Whether it was going to be done or it wasn't I should have known years ago so I could have moved on with my life instead of letting it hang over me wasting every opportunity that came my way until I'd had this surgery.

 

[RealLostSoul]

I've wanted plastic surgery for years. It's ruined my life and I never even had it. So bitter I didn't have a smartphone back then. Instead dependent on my feckless parents who put me into therapy for the same condition. I don't know why I went along with it or why I never took responsibility but it's done now. By the time I set up an email address and joined a forum it was for time travel! Sheer desperation. It was already too late and that was nearly ten years ago. Nothings got better and I still regret it to this day. I went to see some surgeons anyway just for the sheer hell of it. It won't help now anyway. Everything I wanted it for is gone. None of them did it. I've seen ten, I don't know if that's enough. In fifteen years there's no reason it shouldn't have been 100 if that's what it took. Mum calls me obsessive but there's always a new therapist that can help me with my "illness" so she's a hypocrite. My illness is ptsd caused by going along with her crap. All therapists could have helped with is growing the fuck up and doing what needed to be done before it was too late. A couple of years ago I saw what was supposed to be the last one, it had gone on long enough after all. I fully expected to hear no again. Instead he said yes and confirmed everything I'd always said. Then he changed his mind. That's what lead me here. It didn't give me closure, it's made me more fucked up than ever. Why didn't I just join a forum in the first place? I have a horrible feeling there'll be someone who would have done it all along. Have ten just wasted my time or is that enough that if anyone did say yes I should be wary? If I was to try and put a more positive spin on it I'd say maybe I was lucky some charlatan didn't ruin my face but honestly what actually happened wasn't much better. Whether it was going to be done or it wasn't I should have known years ago so I could have moved on with my life instead of letting it hang over me wasting every opportunity that came my way until I'd had this surgery.

ikr!! the waiting game is hell... what was your surgery about.