![Uninfluential_Karma](/data/avatars/l/97/97199.jpg?1722909057)
Uninfluential_Karma
Rat Cult Leader
- Aug 5, 2024
- 86
This all happened shortly after my last attempts, which was literally last night. After I finally gave up, I texted one of my friends, (I'll just call him Puppy), and explained what was happening. He asked why I was trying to CTB and I tried to summarize everything that led up to it. I asked if we could call and he agreed. He was explaining how distressing this all was for him and the other friends who knew and then asked if he could give me tough love. I asked what he meant by tough love and he didn't explain anything so I just said fine. He went on this little rant about how my friends aren't my therapist and that I need to find ways to help myself. I was really confused by all that, so I challenged that idea and asked how I made them feel that way. It's been like this with different friends in the past, where if I even ask for clarification or challenge their thinking, they just backtrack and suddenly I'm interpreting what they said wrong or it wasn't actually their idea. This time, Puppy avoided most of my questions and said how another friend (I'll call them Bunny) was actually the one who felt this way. Bunny was supposed to be sleeping and supposedly knew very little about what was going on. If it was really Bunny's idea, why didn't they tell me this and why did they make Puppy do it?
Anyway I'm just very confused about everything. I was expecting concern or emotional support, but instead I felt guilt tripped and like I was the problem. I love these friends but they're trash at emotions. I can understand them feeling how they do, but the way it was expressed made me feel awful and I think that's probably the last thing to say after someone attempts. At least they're better than my father I guess, every time I expressed wanting to die, he basically told me to kms. Everyone says they care about me but they don't care about what I say, do, feel, think, express, talk, and when things are bad they say things that hurt. Is it bad that I feel like I stopped caring about them too?
Anyway I'm just very confused about everything. I was expecting concern or emotional support, but instead I felt guilt tripped and like I was the problem. I love these friends but they're trash at emotions. I can understand them feeling how they do, but the way it was expressed made me feel awful and I think that's probably the last thing to say after someone attempts. At least they're better than my father I guess, every time I expressed wanting to die, he basically told me to kms. Everyone says they care about me but they don't care about what I say, do, feel, think, express, talk, and when things are bad they say things that hurt. Is it bad that I feel like I stopped caring about them too?