Discussion Suicide Prolonged Due to Survival Instincts

[Xebsora29]

I'm positive there have been a few individuals similar in my position who have attempted suicide, but failed due to the survival instincts. It takes a lot of willpower and guts to achieve the job and be successful at it. How do you think others that were in the same position, overcame their SI and completed it? What do you think would assist in overcoming that instinct ?

I've attempted a few times during my life. I failed on a couple occasions because I didn't follow the directions well and it essentially became ineffective. Another major reason was due to the human survival instincts. Anyways, I think this would be a great discussion given that majority of us fall in the same boat for this.

 

[LonelyLight]

I wish I knew how they did it. For some, I think perhaps with alcohol and drugs? But I dont know, sorry this answer isn't at all helpful.

 

[Nem0]

I've definitely experienced this a lot. Most of the time it's because I rush the attempt trying to outspeed my SI, and wind up failing. I've even tried getting drunk to get past it, but it just never feels like I can get drunk enough. I've tried lots of different methods too. I think I'm gonna try to do the exit bag next because it seems like the most successful at getting past your SI.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I'm positive there have been a few individuals similar in my position who have attempted suicide, but failed due to the survival instincts. It takes a lot of willpower and guts to achieve the job and be successful at it. How do you think others that were in the same position, overcame their SI and completed it? What do you think would assist in overcoming that instinct ?

I've attempted a few times during my life. I failed on a couple occasions because I didn't follow the directions well and it essentially became ineffective. Another major reason was due to the human survival instincts. Anyways, I think this would be a great discussion given that majority of us fall in the same boat for this.

Yep-there are SO many old threads on this- i started one myself!- some people would argue it means subconsciously you still do actually have hope & maybe want want to live-something is 'keeping you' from doing it (I am sure this is the case for some people) for others it's just simply an innate & very strong human mechanism with generalised fear and of course the natural human instinct to avoid pain & discomfort. It sure is a complex thing the human brain. Not an answer a such, rather just some thoughts.

 

[Ame]

There is indeed a self preservation instinct that is hardwired into each and every one of us - we would be poorly designed organisms otherwise - that can be very difficult to override. Every part of me, with the exception of that pesky reptilian brain, is fully on board with my choice. I know that dying is the best solution that I have at my disposal but there is still that "itch" of anxiety that creeps up from time to time. I've been told by some late members here, that they felt remarkably calm and at peace on the day of their passing...so I think that it is something that can be overcome (for the most part).

As a final note: at the risk of coming off as "pro-life", I still think that if there is even the slightest shadow of a doubt, then a person may want to consider stepping away from CTB and take some time to reassess. For as long as a person is alive, he can choose to die, but the dead cannot choose at all, so I think that he should be 100% certain before moving forward.

 

[oopswronglife]

I was meant to CTB tonight. First ever actual intended real world attempt. I spent the day doing some last things. I was driving and in shops numb like I was sirt of riding on my own shoulder, felt calm and peaceful. Came home and finished some things. But I just can't...I can't even attempt. I am not "in the mood" and it's infuriating. It's like my brain decided to be passive aggressive and prevent me from being able to like I would have most nights had things been ready. The shitty family is out of town until tomorrow. It was as perfect as can be...but I just can't. It's not a good thing...it's not like there is any hope or help...at this point lots of money is the only thing that would potentially save me and that's not going to happen. So now I am trapped even worse than before without even CTB as a relief valve. I don't know wtf to do. Even the meds that loosen me up didn't help and I feel too sick at stomach to drink. Nothing ever fucking works. I'd be fine with "not being able to do it" if there was a way to fucking live...but it just gets worse and worse. They will come back and I will have even less opportunity should the mood be right. I also accidentally logged into another site on a clearnet browser four days ago....one I have mentioned my situation on and gotten the usual platitudes, hopes and prayers, and even insults...so worried about that coming back at me. I feel I will just be forced to ctb not in some calm situation...but in a panic. My last post here was ignored. The people I trusted online have all ctb or moved on. Everything is just shit...I just want to live so much....without this pain...not alone...not afraid....but I can't get any of that from anywhere or anyone....I hate my life and have almost always hated it. I look at the partner thread but everyone is so far and I don't trust my brain to allow me to act when its time....i just dont want to wake up...maybe one of those jesus freak right wing family members I have who won't help and treat me like shit will "pray" for me to die in my sleep if I ask them....but probably not.

 

[Moonicide]

I'm so sorry, love. And I am absolutely with you... A month ago I was so ready and willing to end my life, I would have been so peaceful doing it. No hesitation or regrets. But lately, I haven't been in the mood to end it, like you've said. I still find myself smiling, laughing, talking to my friends, I still find things I enjoy. But ultimately it's not enough. It will not fix me or how damaged I am, let alone my current situation. And I will end my life sooner than later... It's the anxiety that leads up to it that eats us up alive. I get sick to my stomach just thinking about drinking the poison and finally laying down in bed, letting everyone I love and care for down. I'm still scrambling around to make sure everything is situated and okay with me. Cleaning and making boxes, writing goodbye letters, and music mixes for my loved ones so they can still feel close to me even when I'm gone. I'm just so sentimental and I can't leave without leaving something behind. I do all these things with much thought...

And there are moments where it hits you really hard. But I do believe that we all eventually get to the point of peacefulness and are ready to ctb. It just sucks not knowing when... I don't know if I could ctb while I'm not in the mood or mentally prepared. We're defeated when it comes to live, but we're also scared and anxious about the unknown.

 

[Notf1xable]

I survived an attempt that 100% would have killed me, my SI kicked in and I called the emergency number. The doctors and nurses were so unkind, and I don't even want to get started on the "mental health" people. I personally don't have any religious beliefs and the fear of being nothing is what shook me to the core. I am still feeling the same as before my attempt, if I could do it and feel peace about it. I'm a bit jealous of the people that can fight that instinct. The good thing is I now know 100% a way to do it, and have since gotten the stuff again. And will have time to get everything else and straighten some things out. I am trying to improve my life, at the same time having a backup and knowing next year after all my loose ends are tied and things taken care of I have my method and I have time to work on my SI and what I fear so much about it. I wish I wasn't brought up in a culture that is so afraid of death.

 

[Xebsora29]

I was meant to CTB tonight. First ever actual intended real world attempt. I spent the day doing some last things. I was driving and in shops numb like I was sirt of riding on my own shoulder, felt calm and peaceful. Came home and finished some things. But I just can't...I can't even attempt. I am not "in the mood" and it's infuriating. It's like my brain decided to be passive aggressive and prevent me from being able to like I would have most nights had things been ready. The shitty family is out of town until tomorrow. It was as perfect as can be...but I just can't. It's not a good thing...it's not like there is any hope or help...at this point lots of money is the only thing that would potentially save me and that's not going to happen. So now I am trapped even worse than before without even CTB as a relief valve. I don't know wtf to do. Even the meds that loosen me up didn't help and I feel too sick at stomach to drink. Nothing ever fucking works. I'd be fine with "not being able to do it" if there was a way to fucking live...but it just gets worse and worse. They will come back and I will have even less opportunity should the mood be right. I also accidentally logged into another site on a clearnet browser four days ago....one I have mentioned my situation on and gotten the usual platitudes, hopes and prayers, and even insults...so worried about that coming back at me. I feel I will just be forced to ctb not in some calm situation...but in a panic. My last post here was ignored. The people I trusted online have all ctb or moved on. Everything is just shit...I just want to live so much....without this pain...not alone...not afraid....but I can't get any of that from anywhere or anyone....I hate my life and have almost always hated it. I look at the partner thread but everyone is so far and I don't trust my brain to allow me to act when its time....i just dont want to wake up...maybe one of those jesus freak right wing family members I have who won't help and treat me like shit will "pray" for me to die in my sleep if I ask them....but probably not.

I feel exactly the same way. Hoping for the same things as you :((

 

[BridgeJumper]

Drugs, alcohol, some event that finally sets them over a tipping point, or all of them combined?
Personally Ive been procrastinating suicide for the last 12 years, attempting countless times and never succeeding, because my SI is so bad no matter what I do.
Every year I try more deadly and violent stuff. Positive Ill do myself in finally in the next 5 years, either purposefully or by accident.
But Ive yet to experience the kind of insanity that will finally set me off.
Im sick physically and in the worst mental pain imaginable, having just lost my best friend to ctb, and I still cant do it. Guess some people are wired differently. Maybe its ingrained in my genes to be a pussy.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

Drugs, alcohol, some event that finally sets them over a tipping point, or all of them combined?
Personally Ive been procrastinating suicide for the last 12 years, attempting countless times and never succeeding, because my SI is so bad no matter what I do.
Every year I try more deadly and violent stuff. Positive Ill do myself in finally in the next 5 years, either purposefully or by accident.
But Ive yet to experience the kind of insanity that will finally set me off.
Im sick physically and in the worst mental pain imaginable, having just lost my best friend to ctb, and I still cant do it. Guess some people are wired differently. Maybe its ingrained in my genes to be a pussy.

Be gentle with yourself, no matter what path you choose.
Facing your physical and psychological pain _every single day_ is not "being a pussy"
It is resilience. Hardcore resilience. I'm not an expert, just really old.
"If I pull my bootstraps up any higher, I can easily imagine a noose."
Peace and choice,

 

[BridgeJumper]

Be gentle with yourself, no matter what path you choose.
Facing your physical and psychological pain _every single day_ is not "being a pussy"
It is resilience. Hardcore resilience. I'm not an expert, just really old.
"If I pull my bootstraps up any higher, I can easily imagine a noose."
Peace and choice,

Nah. Its cowardice. I have access to plenty of means to end my pain, yet I choose to stay, for decades, and suffer this agonizing torture that is my life.
Appreciate the care tho xxx

 

[Nem0]

Personally Ive been procrastinating suicide for the last 12 years, attempting countless times and never succeeding, because my SI is so bad no matter what I do.
Every year I try more deadly and violent stuff. Positive Ill do myself in finally in the next 5 years, either purposefully or by accident.
But Ive yet to experience the kind of insanity that will finally set me off.
Im sick physically and in the worst mental pain imaginable, having just lost my best friend to ctb, and I still cant do it. Guess some people are wired differently. Maybe its ingrained in my genes to be a pussy.

This kinda depresses me. It sounds alot like my situation, but I've only been attempting for about 5 years. Just thinking about lasting another 7 is beyond painful.

 

[Canon1]

I can understand your pain. Right now i am struggling whether I should get the suicide medications or not. My wife that i love so much rejected me because i lied to her and betrayed her. Biggest mistake in my life and so far the worst insight i ever got. I am trying to convince her to give me a last chance but she always says no. That is the hardest part and being alone without her literally kills me.