Suicide Plans And OCD Don't Mix

[socrates]

I don't know how many I've had over the years, I've switched my preferred method like 10 times. At the moment my main method is a nitrogen exit bag and a shot gun as a back up. I hate the shotgot gun method, but I keep it in mind because you can use it to kill yourself instantly. With the inert gas method you need probably 40 minutes to be successful. That is a luxury I might not always have.

The problem is my mind doesn't like uncertainly. Honestly when it come down to it uncertainty is the main reason I want to CTB. With all methods though there a high level of uncertainty. The more peaceful a method is the more uncertain it's success will be. So I've cancelled so many plans and methods because of "what ifs", Which parallels with why my life suck. It would be funny if I it didn't hurt so much,

One of my biggest fears is getting arrested for a crime I didn't know I committed or getting accused for a crime I didn't commit. I read stories about shit like that happening all the time. This breeds all kinds of uncertainty. I have no fear of cancer because If I get it I'll have plenty of time to CTB. I can take my time get all my affairs in order. It's a lot harder to CTB in jail.

So a big part of me wants to be premetive, long before anything bad happens Just CTB.

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

I wouldn't be able to trust myself to correctly make the inert gas apparatus to do it. The whole process looks so complicated from obtaining the gas in the first place to building everything. Not to mention a lot can go wrong, as you could be found too early or you didn't put the mask on properly or your gas tank released the gas too fast before you die, leaving you alive and brain dead. Shotgun is too terrifying for me as well, people that choose to ctb that way have guts.

I also agree with your position about fear of getting arrested, the stories I here about prison terrify me. If the law tried to arrest me for something I didn't do I would ctb Infront of them. The amount of falsely accused people in prison is probably astonishing, people always look for someone to blame even if proof is absent. I don't have enough will to live deal with peoples crap and lies, I would literally blow my brains out in front of them. No one's getting the satisfaction of ruining my reputation and arresting me for something I didn't do

 

[lilah]

i can relate honestly. i want to get SN but i get paranoïd... like what if my SN arrives and they open it and not knowing that it is SN, they sniff it and then die?

or what if it gets intercepted and i go to jail bc it's illegal.. the law is so random...

idk what to do.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I get you all. My absolute absolute emergency method since nothing is easy enough for me Is a plastic bag over my head and handcuffs. It took me at least three months until I could even attempt to put one of my arms in the cuff. Now I am terrified to try putting them on both arms. I have this irrational fear that somehow I won't be able to unlock it and my parents will find out.
It sucks too because I'm not even sure how easy it's going to be to get the handcuffs on both arms myself. And it made me realize I don't really have a good place to do this.

 

[eepymumu8]

Oh, this must be really hard... For me, OCD significantly lowers my quality of life, which makes me yearn for CTB even more.

And to make sure of it, I end up checking dozens of times whether the payment or delivery is working properly, my address, and so on. I constantly check whether everything is prepared, running simulations in my head repeatedly. Probably until the day I actually go through with it... I keep repeating this meaningless behavior. But, well, I don't really change my method.

However, as I was reading, I started to wonder—could it be perfectionism rather than compulsive behavior? It seems like you're afraid of failure. I think OCD is about engaging in repetitive behaviors to the point of disrupting daily life... Have you been diagnosed with OCD? :o

 

[CantDoIt]

I constantly check this site, look up theories of after death, and ctb methods and no progress is made. :/

 

[J&L383]

Deciding method and proceeding with CTB is daunting from the outset. Add in difficulty making decisions or choices (something I've had my whole life) and it becomes nearly impossible, I get it. .

 

[hereornot]

I agree... Dont fit

 

[justwannadip]

Struggling with this too. The same illness that tortures me 24/7 won't let me kill it

 

[ocdsucks]

OCD is awful. I'm sorry you are having these struggles . Being scared of being arrested for something you didnt do is an obsession that sounds awful to deal with.

 

[socrates]

Oh, this must be really hard... For me, OCD significantly lowers my quality of life, which makes me yearn for CTB even more.

And to make sure of it, I end up checking dozens of times whether the payment or delivery is working properly, my address, and so on. I constantly check whether everything is prepared, running simulations in my head repeatedly. Probably until the day I actually go through with it... I keep repeating this meaningless behavior. But, well, I don't really change my method.

However, as I was reading, I started to wonder—could it be perfectionism rather than compulsive behavior? It seems like you're afraid of failure. I think OCD is about engaging in repetitive behaviors to the point of disrupting daily life... Have you been diagnosed with OCD? :o

Yeah, I have been diagnosed with OCD, And I think you are right. Perfectionism is a big driver, not only as reason to CTB, but also a hurdle to actually CTB

 

[passer-by]

I constantly check this site, look up theories of after death, and ctb methods and no progress is made. :/

Same lol

 

[Yume Nikki]

As someone currently suffering from chronic OCD myself, I also find it difficult to ctb in terms of the 'what ifs' and the fear of what comes after death. My biggest concern is surviving an attempt and being forced to undergo hospitalization again (been there twice and it was traumatic) and I want to avoid that at all costs. I also don't really want to live with any permanent lifelong issues like being paralyzed after jumping off a building or getting brain damage from waking up after an overdose. There's so many things that can go wrong and you'll never truly know until it happens.