RoloTomasi

RoloTomasi

Specialist
Jul 21, 2018
319
Recently I've been looking for suicide notes of people who ctb'd. While reading them makes me feel sad for them, it also gives me a strange feeling of calmness, maybe because I'm gonna ctb soon.
This one is from Ryunosuke Akutagawa, died age 35, a notable writer from long ago, it's a bit long so I'll just paste the link here:
https://www.google.com.ph/url?sa=t&...FjAAegQIARAB&usg=AOvVaw348dd4ORY6lM_Ocm8reRxG

Feel free to post your thoughts and other suicide notes, thanks!
 
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B

Battered_Seoul

Experienced
Jun 13, 2018
252
I always found Virginia Woolf's poignant.

"Dearest,

I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer.

I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been. V"
 
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T

Tiburcio

Guest
Mine is too gruesome for exposing it.
 
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RoloTomasi

RoloTomasi

Specialist
Jul 21, 2018
319
I always found Virginia Woolf's poignant.

"Dearest,

I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer.

I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been. V"

Looks like she has suffered greatly from mental illness, yet she was able to make her mark and live a relatively long life.
 
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RoloTomasi

RoloTomasi

Specialist
Jul 21, 2018
319
Mine is too gruesome for exposing it.
mmm, looks like yours is full of shocking revelations :) But at least you're writing one.
 
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Lowri

Lowri

Member
Jun 19, 2018
88
I would like to read David Foster Wallace's note. Sadly, it's not publicly available.

While he was alive he gave a powerful description of suicide:

"The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."
 
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C

CRM

Idiot
Jul 13, 2018
190
I like the idea of notes, but I don't plan on writing one. I feel like people will come to their own conclusions about you, note or not.

Still, it is interesting to read what others write. Perhaps it's a bit hypocritical of me.
 
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RoloTomasi

RoloTomasi

Specialist
Jul 21, 2018
319
I would like to read David Foster Wallace's note. Sadly, it's not publicly available.

While he was alive he gave a powerful description of suicide:

The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.

He does make a good point. Picking the less terrible option, indeed.
 
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RoloTomasi

RoloTomasi

Specialist
Jul 21, 2018
319
I like the idea of notes, but I don't plan on writing one. I feel like people will come to their own conclusions about you, note or not.

Still, it is interesting to read what others write. Perhaps it's a bit hypocritical of me.
I also don't plan to write one but anything can happen as ctb day comes close. Yes, I'm also a bit drawn to these notes lately to find some insights.
 
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Over n' Out

Over n' Out

△△△△△△△△△△△△
Aug 5, 2018
196
Hi
You're bound to be wondering if this was an accident or a suicide. Well it wasn't suicide but I'm awfully clumsy so it probably was an accident. Thanks.
 
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RoloTomasi

RoloTomasi

Specialist
Jul 21, 2018
319
Yutaka Taniyana, mathematician, 31 years old.

"Until yesterday I have had no definite intention of killing myself. But more than a few must have noticed I have been tired both physically and mentally. As to the cause of my suicide, I don't quite understand it myself, but it is not the result of a particular incident, nor of a specific matter. Merely may I say, I am in the frame of mind that I lost confidence in my future. There may be some to whom my suicide will be troubling or a blow to a certain degree. I sincerely hope that this incident will cast no dark shadow over the future of that person. At any rate I cannot deny that this is a kind of betrayal, but please excuse it as my last act in my own way, as I have been doing all my life."
 
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Aragon

Aragon

ムーン・ヒーリング・エスカレーション
Aug 27, 2018
45
I like the idea of notes, but I don't plan on writing one. I feel like people will come to their own conclusions about you, note or not. Still, it is interesting to read what others write. Perhaps it's a bit hypocritical of me.
Me neither, why bother. It just gives people something to feed off and they never truly understand nor care. I have a diary though with everyday rants about life, and how annoyed I am daily. I mean, let people make conclusions about you. I knew someone that everyone bashed when he died, but in true honesty, it really didn't affect him because he'd died and has now been dead for about 10 years now as of 2008 and this person had real life issues, he was a drug addict and was a creep but the drugs or his mental illness didn't kill him, cancer did.
 
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G

GoneSeptember2018

Student
Aug 28, 2018
158
I knew someone that everyone bashed when he died, but in true honesty, it really didn't affect him because he'd died and has now been dead for about 10 years now as of 2008 and this person had real life issues, he was a drug addict and was a creep but the drugs or his mental illness didn't kill him, cancer did.
This is the unfortunate truth but man the bashing is unseemly. I had an ex-coworker once tell about her best friend who died by suicide. She apparently had BPD and struggled with substance issues. The way she talked about her friend, you'd think she was some nefarious witch who loved to manipulate and seduce others. I couldn't believe she would talk about her dead friend that way. I guess most people would have sympathized with this person I was talking to but I felt disgusted by her lack of respect.

Sorry to veer off topic.
 
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L

lv-gras

fledermausßßßßßßßß
Jul 27, 2018
617
Ich kann nicht sterben, ohne mich, zufrieden und heiter, wie ich bin, mit der ganzen Welt, und somit auch, vor allen anderen, meine teuerste Ulrike, mit Dir versöhnt zu haben. Laß sie mich, die strenge Äußerung, die in dem Briefe an die Kleisten enthalten ist, laß sie mich zurücknehmen; wirklich, Du hast an mir getan, ich sage nicht, was in Kräften einer Schwester, sondern in Kräften eines Menschen stand, um mich zu retten: die Wahrheit ist, daß mir auf Erden nicht zu helfen war. Und nun lebe wohl; möge Dir der Himmel einen Tod schenken, nur halb an Freude und unaussprechlicher Heiterkeit, dem meinigen gleich: das ist der herzlichste und innigste Wunsch, den ich für Dich aufzubringen weiß.

Dein
Heinrich.

Stimmings bei Potsdam
d. – am Morgen meines Todes

I can not die without, even content and cheerful as I am with the whole world, and thus above all else, my dearest Ulrike, to reconcile with you. Leave aside for moment the stern statement contained in the letter to the Kleisten ( note: his woman family members, probably his sisters or cousins) Really, you have done for me, I do not say what was in the power of a sister, but what was in the power of any man, to save me: the truth is that I was beyond help on earth. And now will live well; May Heaven give you a death, only half in joy and unspeakable cheerfulness, equal to mine: that is the most sincere and most heartfelt wish I can muster for you.
Your
Heinrich.
Stimmings near Potsdam
- on the morning of my death

also: It is true that we, Jettchen and I, have become wholeheartedly devoted to two gloomy, shadowed people who have always accused themselves of their coldness, and the best proof of this is probably that we are now with each other to die.
 
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MiserableBastard1995

MiserableBastard1995

Experienced
Mar 17, 2018
291
Yutaka Taniyana, mathematician, 31 years old.

"Until yesterday I have had no definite intention of killing myself. But more than a few must have noticed I have been tired both physically and mentally. As to the cause of my suicide, I don't quite understand it myself, but it is not the result of a particular incident, nor of a specific matter. Merely may I say, I am in the frame of mind that I lost confidence in my future. There may be some to whom my suicide will be troubling or a blow to a certain degree. I sincerely hope that this incident will cast no dark shadow over the future of that person. At any rate I cannot deny that this is a kind of betrayal, but please excuse it as my last act in my own way, as I have been doing all my life."

Holy hell. I could've written that.
 
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couldntthinkofaname

couldntthinkofaname

Mage
Aug 31, 2018
565
dont cry for me i already died a long time ago

-simpsons
 
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