Suicide note generator

[setianism]

http://www.porkjerky.com/free/suicide.php

Still it's better than most stuff I've written

 

[skitliv]

This is kinda funny and yes, better than my drafts

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

omg this is so going to be a meme gen lol

 

[Smilla]

I just got mine generated.

It complained within that I have a small penis. I don't have a penis.

 

[Nofaith]

Funny :-D

 

[Anyara]

Actually mine was painfully accurate about my disdain for society

 

[Duqu]

Oh god mine was epic: "P.S. I superglued all my orifices shut so you coroner pricks can't steal my fillings or sex up my corpse." XD

 

[Maravillosa]

Mine was unfortunately fairly accurate about my delusions of grandeur, even if I would not use vulgarity. I had put my suicide reason as "Destiny" and my PS as "Afterlife":

Dear Ungrateful World:

Although everyone on Earth has failed to give me even half the accolades and adulation that should go with me, [Maravillosa], being the 3rd coming of Christ, I will still fulfill my destiny. You're welcome.

For you insolent pukes, I will shed my blood to once again open the gates of heaven. Because of me, you heathen beasts won't have to endure any locust, floods, toads or ATF non-incendiary devices. Ingrate pricks.

So, start erecting statues, knocking out opponents, singing songs, scoring touchdowns, hitting home runs, hiding colored eggs every year around the [date], and doing other shit for my glory because you fuckers owe me big.

Jesus Christ III
a.k.a. [Maravillosa]

P.S. I hope all that Jesus and god and heaven bullshit is real.​

 

[throwaway123]

I just got mine generated.

It complained within that I have a small penis. I don't have a penis.

Lol same. But I'm sure there are people here who suffer from that problem. It's actually sad and depressing. Everything in life is rigged from the beginning. We are just this sack of meat on a giant rock floating around in endless space. Someday we'll die and turn to dust never to be seen again. Sometimes it feels like this is hell. I really don't have any other explanation. Just think about the meaning of existance....it's a pointless endeavor filled with suffering.

 

[Deleted member 847]

September 18, 2018

Dear Friends I Don't Have,

Everyone who knows me knows that I, an anonymous pussy, am a waste. You see, I am the type of pukefuck who thinks I am kickass cool because I fill out online suicide note generators. What a stud I am.

Of course the part I don't like to admit to anyone, nor myself, is that I am such a fucking neurotic nancyboy that I don't actually put in my real name. Oh heck no. If I did that then when mother googles my name she might find out and then I would have heck to pay.

Technically we only got this computer and the internet so I could do my homeschool homework, download macrame designs for mother and print off postings from the Yorki Terrier forum to read on Friday nights. Jeesh, if I put my real name in there she might be able to track down my blog and read about the time I accidentally swallowed some Scope then drove her minivan to Taco Bell and peeled out right there in the drive thru when they got my order wrong. The devil's mouthwash or any other liquor could get me sent to military school and I wasn't even suppose to be at Taco Bell, I was to come straight home after getting reeds for my clarinet.

I don't want to think about what kind of poop storm I would be in if she found out that I filled out a suicide note that included the words 'Jeesh', 'heck' and 'poop storm' in it. So, in conclusions, while I most likely am just a pussy crying for attention who will live with my parents until I am 43: I would like to, and probably should kill myself, but most defintely won't.

Please don't tell mother I even looked at this.

An Anonymous Pussy

P.S. Hi, I am Jason Curless (yeah thats my full real name you nutless, infected cuntsack) and I wrote this suicide note thingy. As long as you leave the 'Name' field blank, you will continue to get this anonymous suicide note no matter which one you actually select. So quit being such a fucking crackerass crybaby pussy and put your name in it.

 

[Ashpac]

September 18, 2018

Dear Ungrateful World;

Although everyone on Earth has failed to give me even half the accolades and adulation that should go with me, Ashpac, being the 3rd coming of christ, I will still fulfill my destiny. You're welcome.

For you insolent pukes, I will shed my blood to once again open the gates of heaven. Because of me, you heathen beasts won't have to endure any locust, floods, toads or ATF non-incendiary devices. Ingrate pricks.

So, start erecting statues, knocking out opponents, singing songs, scoring touchdowns, hitting home runs, hiding colored eggs every year around the 18th of September, and doing other shit for my glory because you fuckers owe me big.

Jesus Christ III
a.k.a. Ashpac

P.S. If you get a collect call from a cow in India in the next couple of years, accept the charges.

 

[NoHope]

September 18, 2018

Dear Friends I Don't Have,

Everyone who knows me knows that I, an anonymous pussy, am a waste. You see, I am the type of pukefuck who thinks I am kickass cool because I fill out online suicide note generators. What a stud I am.

Of course the part I don't like to admit to anyone, nor myself, is that I am such a fucking neurotic nancyboy that I don't actually put in my real name. Oh heck no. If I did that then when mother googles my name she might find out and then I would have heck to pay.

Technically we only got this computer and the internet so I could do my homeschool homework, download macrame designs for mother and print off postings from the Yorki Terrier forum to read on Friday nights. Jeesh, if I put my real name in there she might be able to track down my blog and read about the time I accidentally swallowed some Scope then drove her minivan to Taco Bell and peeled out right there in the drive thru when they got my order wrong. The devil's mouthwash or any other liquor could get me sent to military school and I wasn't even suppose to be at Taco Bell, I was to come straight home after getting reeds for my clarinet.

I don't want to think about what kind of poop storm I would be in if she found out that I filled out a suicide note that included the words 'Jeesh', 'heck' and 'poop storm' in it. So, in conclusions, while I most likely am just a pussy crying for attention who will live with my parents until I am 43: I would like to, and probably should kill myself, but most defintely won't.

Please don't tell mother I even looked at this.

An Anonymous Pussy

P.S. Hi, I am Jason Curless (yeah thats my full real name you nutless, infected cuntsack) and I wrote this suicide note thingy. As long as you leave the 'Name' field blank, you will continue to get this anonymous suicide note no matter which one you actually select. So quit being such a fucking crackerass crybaby pussy and put your name in it.

 

[Deleted member 847]

September 18, 2018

Dear Fellow Pawns;

Since November 1st, 1993 I have lived a lie that I can no longer go on with. I have started each of the last 9087 days by convincing myself that McDonald's would bring back the Double ZestaBurger--if only for a limited time and at only select locations. It was the only way I could get myself out of bed and through the day.

Alas, I can no longer lie to myself about my future. I now accept that it is bleak. I do not control my destiny, nor my happiness. Like all of you, I am just a pawn in McDonald's global marketing plan. The same company that has returned the McRib 902 limited times in the last 24 years has never given my well-being a second thought.

Well, congratulations, you win. McDonald's 1, Gay Ass 0. You have killed my will, spirit and soul; now my body will follow.

Luckily, I will be going to a better place. A place where my happiness won't be controlled by a multi-national conglomeration of fry cooks in cheap suits. While my body will be buried in the same ground where Ray Kroc's is surely spinning; my soul will be with his in heaven. Not here in purgatory controlled by the whims of MBA's from Hamburger U.

Together Ray and I will forever feast on that delicious ambrosia, the Double Zesta Burger.

Sincerely,

Gay Ass

P.S. Please don't look in the closet

 

[Deleted member 847]

Dear Fellow Followers Of God:

There comes a time in every person's life when god calls upon them to ritualistically remove their own liver. For me, that time is at hand. And I, The Amazing Atheist, am not a blasphemer. Nor am I disillusioned about the consequences of fulfilling god's edict.

I know that at best I will be left bileless, most likely dead. So, let this be my last testament. Let it be known that while my body lies here in Applebee's bathroom full of riblettes and those little cheese thingies, but empty of a liver; the rest of me is in a better place and surrounded by the spirit of the lord.

Rejoice!! Do not mourn nor question.

KTTL (kudos to the lord),

The Amazing Atheist

P.S. Please don't look in the closet.