Venting "Suicide is selfish." Fine, let me be selfish

[SecretDissociation]

This probably has already been discussed before, but I feel the need to rant...

I am so sick of the same line being spewed to me by my friend, "you're being selfish, suicide is selfish. You're just doing it to end the pain for yourself. I want you to live, think about others."

I have never once put myself completely first. Always being used and consumed because I feel like a useless void, unguided and non-existent if I don't put on this expressive facade and help others. Constantly, all I have been told is "I want you here," "I don't want you gone," "I need you," or, "what would I do without you?" I don't know, figure it out yourself. I am so sick of being the one that supports others and then becomes forgotten about. No matter how much happiness I experience with the people around me, it eventually dissipates into this empty feeling.

Why can't I just die and be me? Or why can't people just accept that I would like to die?

If suicide is selfish then so be it. Let me be selfish and let me have something that I want. Let me rest in a void. Let me truly be what I want to be. Do they not see how me living is in itself a form of abuse to myself? I don't know how to live for myself anyway because I have lived doing what others have wanted my whole life. My father wanted me to have devout Islamic piety, I conformed; My mother wanted a girl that exists and acts with moderate obedience, I conformed; My friends wanted a therapist, a tool; I conformed.

I have wanted to die but I never confirmed. I tried and survived and my father told me I was trying to manipulate him. I was trying to "do something." My mother screamed and told me to quit acting crazy. My friend told me "why didn't you talk to me?" as if she would not have turned it into a joking competition.

Fuck, even some deadbeat, chronically stupid guy managed to use me and I didn't even notice. Then when I called him a weirdo he got pressed. When I refused to tell him gossip he got pressed.

For the love of myself, leave me alone and let me rot.

 

[jodes2]

I think we're entitled to be selfish when it comes to suicide. It's the biggest decision we can make about what to do with our bodies

 

[Little T]

"you're being selfish, suicide is selfish. You're just doing it to end the pain for yourself. I want you to live, think about others."

I call bullshit! Selfish is the arse who wants you to continue living in pain.

No matter how you look at it, ctb is a lonely choice, personal and private.

 

[beingfree]

Soooo is... Spending your money on leisure activities and possessions, instead of donating to charity... But nobody messes with people for choosing to do so...

 

[Ineedtodie]

Most people don't know what it means to be mesirably stuck in pain with no way out, while being subjected to the cruelty of society. If they ever find themself in such pain, they won't even dare say it's selfish.

I think we're entitled to be selfish when it comes to suicide. It's the biggest decision we can make about what to do with our bodies

As if suicide is such trivial decision and painless. Imagine people watching someone hanging and thinkin that's a really selfish thing to do. It doesn't make sens. A normal response would be he must has been in so much pain, he wanted it to stop, to go fully through this. But they never even considered suicide. Just complete luck of empathy for those who did it.

 

[Pluto]

I've copped this sort of thing, too. And in a way, being unselfish is what has brought me to this point.

I always believed in ethics, empathy and putting others first. When the lack of anyone caring for me became hard, I assumed it was just trials and tribulations. But eventually it became unbearable. The way I'd been chewed up and spat out made it impossible to imagine any sort of bearable pathway forward, as trust in humanity was gone.

The irony is that we have been around selfish people the whole time, and the tragedy is that they are murdering us and then calling it suicide. What would life look like if we had been allowed to find ourselves rather than be pressured into being what everyone else wants/expects?

 

[FuneralCry]

It's best to take no notice of people who say things like that. Yes, everything that benefits ourselves at the expense of others may be seen as 'selfish', but the truth is that suicide could never possibly be wrong in any way, and nobody should be guilt tripped and feel forced into staying here. Others have no right to do that. They are not experiencing our lives, and after all only we know when we should leave this world, it's a personal decision which is nothing to do with anyone else. Grief and loss are simply an inevitable part of life and we will all lose everything someday. If someone wishes to prevent unnecessary suffering by ctb then their decision should be respected. Staying alive is only delaying the inevitable anyway.

 

[SecretDissociation]

I've copped this sort of thing, too. And in a way, being unselfish is what has brought me to this point.

I always believed in ethics, empathy and putting others first. When the lack of anyone caring for me became hard, I assumed it was just trials and tribulations. But eventually it became unbearable. The way I'd been chewed up and spat out made it impossible to imagine any sort of bearable pathway forward, as trust in humanity was gone.

The irony is that we have been around selfish people the whole time, and the tragedy is that they are murdering us and then calling it suicide. What would life look like if we had been allowed to find ourselves rather than be pressured into being what everyone else wants/expects?

This is exactly it. Constantly helping and putting everyone forward in hopes that they will do the same because you are their "friend". But it is tiring now, like an investment with no returns.

If we had been allowed to find ourselves I fear that I would have been called selfish in this case. Selfish and immodest. I don't know how others have acted selfish under the guise of being friendly.

I pray - if that even works - that either we find equal counterparts, or find freedom out through ctb.

 

[BillyBob]

Best thing to tell people is they are the ones being selfish for wanting me to live for them.
So one is expected to suffer and live in pain just to make them feel good is pure rubbish and selfish on its own merit.
We do not owe them anything, just like they owe us nothing.

 

[freedomcalls]

It IS selfish
I can't think of many actions that don't have a selfish element; even when I do something altruistic, often I do it to make myself feel worthy… so ultimately it's for my own selfish reasons?

I stay alive for everyone else… to care for my parents and mother in law, to look after my children
It WOULD be selfish of me to leav
AND it's selfish of them to want me to stay in order to take care of them

All human action is inherently selfish

 

[LaVieEnRose]

There's a time and place for self-service and a time and place for self-sacrifice. No good life could only consist of one or the other.

 

[Pluto]

I pray - if that even works - that either we find equal counterparts, or find freedom out through ctb.

Yes, for sure!

I often advise people in this situation to spend some quality time alone, block out other people and all distractions, and find what is really true for you. A true friend will support you, whatever it might be. You certainly have my blessings, whatever you decide.

Something else that might be helpful is understanding the causes of 'people pleasing'. It can help us get down to the root of the problem.

How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

Being a people-pleaser can have a negative effect on your emotional well-being. Learn how to stop being a people-pleaser to reduce stress and anxiety.

www.verywellmind.com